A beginner's guide to dirty talk: 8 ways to make it sexy, not cringe, according to an audio erotic star

Man posing next to a house
Courtesy of John Eros
  • In 2020, a survey found out of almost 1,000 people, 70% used dirty talk in the last year.

  • Audio erotic star, John Eros says even if you're shy, slowing down the pace is key to good dirty talk.

  • Use erotic whispering, build anticipation, and ask questions about what your partner likes.

Dirty talk factors into the majority of sexual experiences. A 2020 survey of nearly 1,000 people found that 70% engaged in some form of dirty talk in the last 12 months. Given that it's such a prevalent part of sex, it makes sense to put in a little work to up your dirty talk game.

And who better to get tips from than someone who turns people on for a living? John Eros is an audio erotic star who's voiced 19 naughty fantasy audios for sssh.com. These are his best tips for taking your bedroom talk from just OK to pornstar good.

Make dirty talk enjoyable for both partners

Good dirty talk should feel enjoyable for everyone involved. "If you enjoy it, your partner will know, and they can feed off that," Eros said.

Desire and pleasure feed off one another. "When someone else knows you're enjoying every second with them, there's nothing that's more of a turn-on." So be vocal about how much fun you're having and make it a part of your naughty banter.

Take your time, even if you're nervous

Eros said that taking your time is critical, especially if you're new to dirty talk. "It can be a little intimidating when you're trying to think of sexual words, and maybe you feel a little shy." Your nerves may make it tempting to rush, but fight that urge. Eros noted that rushing "can detract from what you're doing and feeling."

Finding the right words can be intimidating, but it's important your partner knows "they're the only thing on your mind. Slow down the pace a little."

The tone of voice matters

A simple sentence like "lay back" can be a suggestion or a command, depending on the tone. Eros said that "tone is the most important factor — the driving force behind what you're saying."

Eros likes what he calls the "erotic whisper" — a sexually charged whisper to build anticipation. "Focus on the less obvious areas of the body — the shoulders, teasing along the chest, the sternum," Eros said. This will build anticipation. "Every inch can be gently aroused, touched, and tantalized. It's something people so often forget."

Use dirty talk as foreshadowing

A great way to build anticipation in your partner is to tell them what you're going to do before you do it.

If you're familiar with your partner, Eros said you already have a leg up — sometimes literally — on knowing what they like. "You're creating a story for them. If you know what turns them on, the kinks or words that really rev them up, use them to help paint that picture," he said.

Play out a fantasy

If you've spoken to your partner about their deepest fantasies, the ones they might be too afraid actually to act on, Eros said that erotic talk can be a great way of playing that out in a safe space.

Take someone who's curious about exhibitionism, for example. Describing scenarios outdoors, where they're being watched or how much you enjoy watching them play can help a partner live their fantasy.

Get experimental

No one starts out as a dirty talk aficionado, and even if you've been with the same partner or partners for a long time, it doesn't mean there isn't room for something new. Eros said it's about picking up on little queues. "It's just going to be little segments, little things you'll say where you'll find out that OK, this word or scenario turns them on the most," he said.

Ask lots of questions

According to Eros, asking lots of questions can unlock your partner's sexual cheat codes, and it makes sure your dirty talk isn't one-sided. "Asking questions adds an extra life of eroticism," Eros said, and he suggested questions like: Are you enjoying me touching you in this way? What kind of words turn you on the most? How do you long to be touched the most?

Especially if you have a partner that's more vanilla, Eros said this can help them "break out of their shell and increases that ability to communicate and builds their confidence." They can also help direct where the conversation goes.

Use sexting to help build your dirty talk vocabulary

When your partner is in front of you, there's an expectation to keep things moving. Sure, a well-timed pause can leave your partner squirming, but texting allows for a delayed response and better detail. Eros suggested letting reply time "be a big factor where you can paint a little more of a story."

He added that "through sexting, you can take a lot more time to describe what you want to do to someone. When I'm sexting with someone, I'm trying to build to something that's going to happen later."

If you can, let your sexting carry on throughout the day. Eros said a good daylong sext should leave partners "absolutely desperate to see one another by the end of the day."

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