Bel Air native's memoir talks about relationship with 91-year-old mom, struggle of caring for loved one with dementia

Jul. 8—Bonnie Habyan, a Bel Air native, former Miss Baltimore Oriole and former Miss Harford County, has released her debut book, "The World According to Bess: A Funny, Unfiltered Memoir of Life Lessons from My 90-Year-Old Mom."

The poignant and often humorous memoir centers around her relationship with her 91-year-old mother, Bess Lorber, who has lived in Harford County more than 50 years. The book was released on her mother's 91st birthday on June 6.

Habyan, a marketing executive, now lives with her husband of 30 years, former Oriole pitcher John Habyan, in South Carolina, where they recently relocated after living in New York for 25 years.

As the mother of one daughter, Holly, 25, who is in law school, Habyan said she wrote the book to honor her mother, and as a way to use the wisdom from past generations while giving people insight on the experience of taking care of an aging parent.

"We are in a world that can be very difficult at times," Habyan said. "Sometimes looking back at the older generation brings a lot of evergreen wisdom."

In "The World According to Bess," Habyan traces Bess's beginnings and early life experiences, including her romance with Habyan's father and various mischievous adventures in her hometown when she was a young girl. As she reflects on her bond with her mother, Habyan details the hilarious and insightful things her mother has said and done over the years.

"She has always been funny, and her perspectives are funny," Habyan said. "It's her world, and she has made an impact on everyone who has came in contact with her. But, I have been able to get the insider's view on her sayings and perspectives. I wanted to share them with the world because I think it will give everyone a smile."

However, the book turns as she explains how their relationship has been shifting as her mother battles dementia. In addition to giving readers a way to laugh about generational differences, "The World According to Bess" is a guide for anyone navigating a relationship with an aging parent — or learning how to take care of the people who looked after them.

The idea of the book came 10 years ago when Habyan and her nieces and nephews reflected on all the funny things Bess used to tell them, Habyan said. Nearly seven years after the conversation, Habyan started writing the book.

"It really took on a life of its own when I was writing it," Habyan said. "It started out as a book that may have been comical, but when I started putting all these things together, it had a lot of wisdom in it. It became life lessons."

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Because this book was close to home for Habyan, she struggled with being vulnerable throughout the writing process.

"You don't know how people perceive it or embrace it until it's out there" Habyan said. "That was probably the biggest fear."

But, Habyan felt like it was critical to depict the mother-daughter relationship since it has such a profound impact on the daughter. Daughters tend to see the world similarly to their mother, Habyan said.

"I think the mother-daughter relationship is a complex one," Habyan said. "Moms are the lens for which we see our lives for many years. We may not understand at the time why our moms do certain things. But, as we get older, we see our mom now becoming older. You see they can't do the stuff they used to do. You start pull from those lessons they gave you to get you through the hard times."

Habyan will have a book signing on Aug. 6 at the Bel Air Barnes and Noble from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m., accompanied by the central character of her book — her mom. "The World According to Bess" is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other online booksellers.