Beloved cussing nun, principal leaves Grosse Pointe Catholic school after 16 years

From the get-go, Sister Kathy Avery was a no-nonsense nun who got things done in unorthodox ways.

Just months into her new principal job at St. Clare of Montefalco in Grosse Pointe Park, Avery made national headlines as the "cussing nun" after rattling off a list of banned swear words to middle-schoolers in church one day. She learned of foul language on the playground, and wanted to let students know exactly what she wouldn't tolerate.

She got their attention, along with phone calls from national and international media outlets — though her antics didn't end there.

Over the next several years, Avery would pull off numerous stunts to motivate kids to read. She would dye her hair in bright rainbow colors, stand on her head, teach from the school's rooftop, kiss a dog (she wasn't a fan of dogs) and ride on the back of a motorcycle. She promised to do these things if the kids met their reading goals.

"I've done a lot of silly things," Avery said in a 2020 interview with the Servants of Mary. "But I got the kids to read."

That was her way, for more than a decade.

A bittersweet farewell for two special nuns

After 16 years at St. Clare of Montefalco, a diverse, Pre-K-8 Catholic school that straddles the border of Grosse Pointe Park and Detroit, this quirky, 80-year-old nun is leaving Michigan to return to the Servants of Mary motherhouse in Omaha, Nebraska. Citing health reasons and lower medical costs, Avery is moving to the headquarters of her religious order with her loyal friend and dog-loving roommate, 86-year-old Sister Mary Peter Caito, a religious education teacher at St. Clare who is battling leukemia.

For students, parents and parishioners, the sisters' departure is bittersweet as both have been iconic fixtures in the church and school since Avery became principal in 2007 — a role she carried out with grace, humility and humor.

She was firm, but loving. A mother figure to hundreds of kids. A prayer warrior during hard times. And a fierce supporter of equity and inclusion at her unique suburban school of 120-plus students who come from different socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds. More than half are from Detroit.

Embracing diversity — 'All Are Welcome'

Avery, who worked in Flint before coming to affluent Grosse Pointe Park, not only embraced this unexpected diversity when she arrived, but celebrated it as she gave the school a new motto: All Are Welcome.

"She didn't care whether you were Catholic or Jehovah's Witness. She brought everybody together and made sure everyone was welcome," said former school parent Bobby Smith, who sent both of her kids to St. Clare, stressing Avery's priority was "taking care of the kids."

Helen Hicks can attest to that as she drove her children one hour to St. Clare from Mount Clemens every day — largely because of the loving and diverse atmosphere nurtured by Avery. Hicks' son, who is Black, was the first to go there. Her adoptive children from diverse backgrounds would follow.

"With each new admission, I saw the same genuine warmth displayed. She cared for each child individually and intensely, remembering what was truly important and meaningful to each," Hicks said. "She was much more than a principal. Sister Kathy was the matriarch of St. Clare — the person who sent special messages in birthday cards, the one who was always right there for the child who was struggling the most."

'She was a miracle'

For Margaret Eckel, 55, a longtime parishioner, former St. Clare student and school parent, Avery was a breath of fresh air when she arrived in 2007, injecting a new kind of excitement into the school with her unapologetic boldness, willingness to listen and boundless energy.

Avery was everywhere, all the time. Despite two bad hips, she made it to soccer games, basketball tourneys, school plays, out-of-town field trips and PTO meetings. Steadied by her walker and donning her bright red Falcons jacket, Avery showed up at events to support the kids and parents, and to send a message to the world:

St. Clare is a great school, and it's not going anywhere.

During Avery's tenure, Catholic schools across metro Detroit were shutting down. Enrollment was steadily dropping at her school, too — though she worked diligently to save St. Clare, forging strong relationships with parishioners and school families, and launching ad campaigns to promote the "All Are Welcome" culture of St. Clare.

During tough times, she kept the school going, and found resources to help underprivileged children and families who had fallen on hard times stay at St. Clare.

It was touch-and-go for a while.

But the unrelenting principal persevered — and prevailed.

After two hip replacements, back surgery and a successful yet grueling battle with uterine cancer, Avery is leaving St. Clare with her treasured school intact.

"She was a miracle," Eckel said.

St. Clare Principal Sarah Hensien, meanwhile, has inherited the good deeds of the departing sisters as she carries the school forward.

She thanked and praised Avery and Caito for their hard work, and assured them their messages about love, devotion to God and helping others will carry on.

"The halls of our school will be much quieter next week," she said at a farewell celebration. "But what you've taught the hundreds of children and teachers will continue to live on in the way that we learn, and pray and carry ourselves in this world."

At the Sunday farewell celebration for the departing sisters, Eckel grew emotional as she recalled Avery's days at St. Clare — how she rallied the church community around her school, performed acts of kindness for those who needed them — like sending notes to her niece at Michigan State University to make sure she was OK following the shooting — and supported her when her mother passed away, saying the rosary at her bedside.

"She never left our side the entire time," Eckel said through tears.

'It was God's calling, not mine'

Avery, who was born and raised in Detroit, was drawn to the sisterhood from an early age, inspired by the nuns who taught her at the city's now-closed Dominican High School. She was a junior when she came home with her big announcement: I want to be a nun.

"My mom said, 'Wait until you're out of high school,'" Avery recalled, smiling.

She did just that. As a young woman, she vowed to live a life of poverty, chastity and obedience — and never regretted it.

"It was God's calling, not mine," said Avery, who next month celebrates 60 years as a professed religious sister.

Avery will celebrate her 60th Jubilee with the Servants of Mary Religious Community in Omaha, joined by her roommate and behind-the-scenes worker at St. Clare who quietly helped children in her own, gentle way.

A dog and animal lover known for saving ants and spiders, Caito — known to all as Sister Mary Peter — helped kids who struggled and worked with them one-on-one. She didn't like to see children upset. When she handed back tests, she would often tell students: "No tears. No tears." And if someone was shy or struggling to participate in class, she helped them overcome their fears.

As school parent Sharese Walker noted, it was Sister Mary Peter who tutored her son in reading years ago, and helped him develop confidence so that he could read aloud in class.

Avery, meanwhile, impressed her on another level. Walker, who is a teacher, noted that Avery had a unique way about her in that she had no ego as an administrator. Although she was the principal, she also taught math — something Walker rarely saw in other school settings, where folks who rise up the administrative ranks often think they have moved beyond teaching, she said.

But that wasn't Avery's way

"Sister Kathy was more than a leader," Walker said. "I liked the way she stepped out of her leadership role and taught eighth grade math."

Detroiter Celeste Browning, who sent her son and daughter to St. Clare more than a decade ago, said she was impressed by how Avery enjoyed her direct interactions with the children, making herself available as a math tutor and pulling off "unbelievable antics" to get them to read.

Browning was equally impressed with how Avery handled parents.

"I believe she helped some parents who coddled their children by letting them know that children need to be accountable and responsible. They learned consequence," Browning said. "She did not tolerate, in her words, 'helicopter parenting.'"

Avery saw education as "the way to change the world'

After graduating from Dominican High School in 1961, Avery simultaneously dedicated her life to God and education, earning a bachelor's degree in history and elementary education from Duchesne College in Omaha, a master's degree in math from the University of Detroit, and a master's degree in non-public school administration from the College of St. Thomas.

Over the years, she would lead Catholic schools in Flint, Kentucky and Iowa, and teach math at St. Juliana and Servite High School in Detroit. Avery steadfastly held onto her belief that a solid Catholic education in knowledge and faith was key to building a better world.

"I always told my kids, 'With a good education, you can go anywhere. … Education is the way to change the world," Avery said, stressing that above all, she wanted her students "to love Jesus with all their heart."

The flock returns to say thank you

College student Sophia Weiksnar could not hold back her tears as she held Avery tightly at her farewell celebration, thanking her over and over again for the comfort and inspiration she provided during her middle school years at St. Clare.

Weiksnar, a 19-year-old student at Saginaw Valley, was in sixth grade when she arrived at St. Clare.

"Coming into a new school is hard," she recalled.

But Sister Kathy helped ease her anxieties with a simple "hi," and getting her involved in altar service and choir.

"For me, she got many doors to open," Weiksnar said. "She's an amazing person."

Another student — this one from 40 years ago — also came for Avery's sendoff.

"She's so spunky. She knows what's going on this world," said 58-year-old Detroiter Tracey Wyatt, who still keeps in touch with her Servite High School teacher from four decades ago.

"She's a dedicated nun to the entire community," Wyatt said. "She actually goes out to people's houses."

That was the way of both sisters, who rarely sat still.

"When anything needed to be done they were first in line to be a volunteer. They were like the 'stage crew,'" said former school parent Joan Lusk, who for years has helped build the sets for St. Clare's theater productions. "No play went on without them, and I think they liked it that way — being behind the scene. They will truly be missed."

'She knew who was in need, and tried to help'

Like the school parents and students, the Rev. Andrew Kowalczyk, the pastor at St. Clare, is grateful for Avery. When he came to St. Clare 12 years ago from Canada — as a Polish native who was still learning English — Avery extended her hand in friendship and made him feel welcome.

The two quickly became partners in faith, and worked diligently side by side on a common mission: to preserve the identity of Catholics, and engage the church and school community.

Avery was principal for eight years and director of religious education for another eight years.

Kowalczyk said Avery struck the delicate balance of preserving and teaching the tenets of the Catholic faith at school, while also respecting the different backgrounds of the children.

"There was no distinction between Black, white, Hispanic or Asian students in our school. There was only a child of God," Kowalczyk said.

Kowalczyk described Avery as a reliable educator who was in touch with her school community, especially those in need, noting that when a parishioner came forward with a donation, Avery knew exactly how to spend it.

"She knew what family was in need. She knew the family's story," Kowalczyk said. "And she tried to help."

For Kowalczyk, what made Avery especially unique was her ability to be human and divine, to know when it's time to pray and time to play.

"That’s what made Sister unique. It wasn’t just about the holy stuff," Kowalczyk said, "but about being of earth and heaven. That’s what I love about Sister."

Kowalczyk also cherishes Caito, the principal's quiet roommate and fellow sister with the stern demeanor and big heart.

"I don't know if there is any picture of Sister Mary Peter smiling or showing her teeth," Kowalczyk joked. "She is funny, with a good sense of humor, but her facial expression doesn’t show that."

That was Sister Mary Peter's way.

"She was a gentle soul who was very quiet and lovable. ... She wasn't the shadow of Sister Kathy," Kowalczyk said, "but a worker bee who didn't say much publicly and didn't want to be in the public light."

Yet she and Avery were a shining light at St. Clare.

They enhanced the lives of children with love and care, and gave of themselves even when they ached from pains and illness, never too tired to mail a birthday card, respond to an email from someone seeking help, or make a phone call to check on someone's well-being.

Perhaps Denise Max — the hairdresser for both sisters who also sent her child to St. Clare — put it best: "We are all better people because of our wonderful sisters."

Saying goodbye

When Avery delivered her farewell speech at 11 a.m. Sunday Mass, she started off on a serious note.

"Sister Mary Peter and I are truly blessed by each of you. We have grown because of your love for us," Avery said, her voice cracking at times. "We love this place. We have loved every minute of being here."

Then she collected herself. Her wit and sassy character took over as she left the crowd — and the priest — with this final message: "Father Andrew — he's the pastor, but I'm the boss."

Tresa Baldas is the federal and state court reporter for the Detroit Free Press. Her two grown daughters attended St. Clare of Montefalco from preschool through eighth grade.

Tresa Baldas:tbaldas@freepress.com

This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Sister Kathy Avery, St. Clare of Montefalco nun, has left Michigan