BERNEY WILKINSON: 4th of July is time to agree to disagree
There is a lot going on in our country these days. Election year politics are pulling us apart and damaging relationships. Social unrest is leaving us fearful for our lives, as well as the lives of our friends and loved ones. Decisions and actions that are far outside of our control seem to find their way into our daily lives. Everyone, it seems, is becoming a little more afraid.
One does not have to look far to find something that is causing distress. Just turn on the news and you’ll be confronted with some crisis. There are U.S. Supreme Court rulings that will change the lives of millions and congressional hearings that remind us of how fragile our democracy really is. There are debates over what books should be allowed in school and what words teachers are allowed to say. There are the rising costs from inflation, and let’s not forget an ongoing destruction of Ukraine.
As we become more and more divided, we all feel more and more distressed. On a daily basis, I listen as people share with me the challenges they are facing in their lives. One of the most common is how political and social conflicts are splitting up relationships. Close friends and even family members are no longer talking because of bitter disagreements over decisions that others are making.
This weekend we are celebrating the Fourth of July, Independence Day. Though most see it as a time to have cookouts and watch fireworks, we have to remember that it is a day where we recognize and acknowledge our fight for individual rights and freedoms. The right to have our own thoughts and opinions without fear of the government telling us we can’t.
We must also remember that living in a society where everyone is free to have their own thoughts and opinions means, by definition, that we will not have the same ideas and beliefs. No matter how close you are to someone, there will be something about which you disagree. That disagreement may be over something very small and inconsequential, or it may be about an issue that is deeply meaningful to one or both of you. Nonetheless, there will be disagreements.
Before you consider that to be a no-brainer, ask yourself why it is that we allow disagreements to come between us? Why is it that we allow differences of opinion to divide us in increasingly hostile ways? Why is it that we can agree on 98% of things in our lives, but the remaining 2% pull us apart, especially when those remaining issues are outside our control?
As you fire up the grill this weekend, take a moment to remember what you are celebrating. Each of us wants our independence, our freedom, but that means that everyone else has their freedom, too. And while that can lead to interesting discussions, we must hold on to a simple reality: my beliefs do not require you to agree. My beliefs are mine, and your beliefs are yours. So, instead of focusing so much attention on the few things that make us different, perhaps we could spend more time focusing on those things that bring us together. After all, that is how we won our independence in the first place. Have a very happy and safe Independence Day.
Dr. Berney, a licensed psychologist with Psychological Associates of Central Florida in Lakeland, is a national speaker and the co-author of "Handbook for Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child." Listen to Dr. Berney's podcast, "The Mental Breakdown,” on iTunes and YouTube. You can submit questions or topics to Dr. Berney by email at drberney@pacflorida.com.
This article originally appeared on The Ledger: Distress at all junctures
