BERNEY WILKINSON: Punish behavior, not child
Though the word “punishment” has been used for centuries, the way we use it with children comes from the writings and research of B.F. Skinner. Through his work with pigeons, Skinner developed a way of changing a pigeon’s behavior. He called his method Operant Conditioning, which is based on the idea that if he controlled the consequences, he could change the animal’s behavior. If the pigeon pecks a target, a food pellet is delivered; if the pigeon pecks anything else, the pigeon gets nothing. The pigeon quickly learns to press the target.
Through Skinner’s work, he developed a very precise vocabulary. If the consequence that he gave the pigeon led to an increase in the behavior, he said the behavior was reinforced. Conversely, if the consequence led to a decrease in the behavior, he said the behavior was punished. That is, when Skinner used the words “reward” and “punish,” he was referring to the effects of the conditioning on the pigeon’s behavior, not about something that he did to the pigeon.
This is a critically important difference. Skinner had no interest in rewarding or punishing pigeons; he was only concerned with the pigeon’s behaviors. But when we began to apply Skinner’s method to people, the vocabulary changed. We began to think in terms of rewarding and punishing the person rather than the behavior.
But this is not the only mistake we are making. Once the pigeon learned to peck the target, there continued to be times when it pecked elsewhere in the box. It happened far less often, but it still happened. So, if the pigeon knew that it would only get food if it pecked the target, why did it continue to peck around the box? Well, the pigeon kept pecking because pigeons peck; it is just what they do.
Everyday parents seek advice as to how best to “punish” a child who is doing something the parents do not want him or her to do. But that is what we call a “nonstarter.” If you are using Skinner’s method, you don’t punish the person. You change the consequences in hopes of reducing the undesirable behavior. If you want a child to stop bouncing a ball in the kitchen, you can yell at him and send him to his room, but that does not address the actual behavior. Rather, you could simply walk over and take the ball. No words, no fuss, just… no ball. The behavior has stopped; you have punished the behavior.
But what if the kid bounces the ball in the kitchen the next day? Is the child being disrespectful? Disobedient? Maybe, but we may never know. Think about that pecking pigeon. Why does the kid bounce the ball? Because that kid bounces the ball… it is just what he does. Perhaps he is fidgety. Perhaps he has ADHD. Perhaps he bounces the ball to keep from doing something else you don’t want him to do. There could be lots of reasons for the behavior, but, in the end, it is just what he does. Sure, it may be unacceptable, but instead of trying to punish the kid, figure out a way to reduce the behavior. Remember, Skinner never yelled at his pigeons, he never put the pigeon in time-out, he never took the pigeon’s cell phone. Nevertheless, he was very effective in changing the pigeon’s behavior.
So, when you are confronted with these types of issues, think about pigeons. Would you punish a pigeon every time it pecks something other than the target? Probably not. Is that really going to make it do what you want it to do? Probably not. It’s the same with kids. Is it really helping to punish your children every time they do something you don’t approve of? Probably not; like pigeons, they will likely continue “pecking.” Rather than thinking about clever ways of rewarding and punishing your children, consider devoting more time and energy to developing consequences that punish the behavior rather than the child.
Dr. Berney, a licensed psychologist with Psychological Associates of Central Florida in Lakeland, is a national speaker and the co-author of "Handbook for Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child." Listen to Dr. Berney's podcast, "The Mental Breakdown,” on iTunes and YouTube. You can submit questions or topics to Dr. Berney by email at drberney@pacflorida.com.
This article originally appeared on The Ledger: Don't punish the pigeon
