What better way to celebrate a lockdown on gatherings than with a booze bash?

Say what you will about American government, but at least when President Biden does something stupid he doesn’t have to apologize to the Queen.

That was the position of British Prime Minister Boris “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” Johnson, whose propensity to par-tay landed him in hot water after it was determined that these “social gatherings” were in violation of the country’s COVID protocols.

Sadly for Johnson, what happened in 10 Downing St. didn’t stay in 10 Downing St., and photos began leaking out of these “social gatherings” that were going on, even as the pubs were closed and the rest of the citizenry had been ordered to stay put.

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Also unlike America, Britain takes these breaches of decorum Very Seriously and, according to the Washington Post, “On Tuesday, the Metropolitan Police announced a criminal investigation into 'potential breaches' of lockdown rules over the past two years, at Downing Street and other government buildings in London. Civil servant Sue Gray is leading another inquiry, with a report expected this week.”

Sue Gray. Not Robert Mueller, Sue Gray. She doesn’t need two and a half years of testimony, top secret depositions and the parsing of remote sections of the Federal Code by top legal scholars before figuring out what’s what. Unlike America, the Brits believe what they see with their own eyes.

And boy are they strict. You don’t bring chewing gum to class unless you have enough for everybody. But still. You kind of hate to see someone laid low just for wanting to have a good time. That’s just how Johnson rolls. Who needs Wordle when you have Hoedownle and Drunkle?

Matter of fact, I can make the argument that American politics didn’t start going downhill until they began to ban hooch in legislative halls.

But Boris did seem to go the extra mile in these matters. (By the way, what is it about heads of state named Boris? Boris Yeltsin once flew from Russia to Britain for a meeting of heads of state — and was too drunk to get off the plane.)

The Post went down the list of parties that are under investigation, and among the highlights are:

• “Johnson’s private secretary, Martin Reynolds, sent an email to dozens of staffers, encouraging them to ‘bring your own booze’ to a party.” This may be what did Boris in, frankly. If you’re a top state official, you have to be a bit irritated that the booze isn’t free.

Can you imagine Donald Trump hosting a BYOB party at Mar-a-Lago? OK, bad example. But you see what I’m saying: Don’t be cheap or people are going to be more likely to sell you out.

• “Staff had drinks to celebrate Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s spending review Nov. 25, 2020.” You don’t need me to tell you that if someone is going to celebrate a spending review, he will celebrate anything. “Hey everybody, they just moved the Boiler Vessel Pressure Act to second reading, let’s all pop a cold one!”

• “Downing Street staff held recurring ‘wine time Fridays’ throughout the pandemic, with staffers taking turns wheeling a suitcase to the supermarket to stock up,” and the tabloids published a photo of a 34-bottle wine fridge being delivered through the back door. Look, TGIF, I get it. But the photos that have leaked out are not good. These aren’t state ministers in tuxes and women in pearls daintily sipping an aperitif. These are people in party hats stretched out on the floor where everyone has a glass and not one roll of boiled ham has been removed from the hors d'oeuvre tray.

They partied at Christmas, Boris’ birthday, in honor of a departing aide and, my stone cold favorite, “gathering was used to thank those staff for their efforts during the pandemic.”

That’s right. They celebrated the lockdown on parties by, wait for it, having a party.

We live in the wrong country.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.

This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: British prime minister's propensity to party a sign US could do better