Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce reminds us how fragile marriage is

President Barack Obama presents the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Bill and Melinda Gates during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House in Washington, D.C., on November 22, 2016. Ron Sachs/CNP/Sipa USA/TNS

If you are flummoxed by the announcement of Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce, please let me know. I don’t want to think I’m alone in feeling sad and unsettled about the dissolution of a marriage of two people I’ve never met. It’s quite obvious, though, that the articles I’ve read, the photos I’ve studied, and the videos I’ve watched about this famous couple didn’t tell the whole story.

Now it’s impossible to ignore that even real-life fairy tale romances may have unhappy endings in spite of success, money and, yes, personal branding. I write “may” because, like so many others on social media, I hope against hope that there may be an eleventh-hour resolution. Maybe the two will correct the error in their couples’ code.

How silly, isn’t it, to yearn for a good resolution to the breakup of strangers?

I hardly gave the Kanye West-Kim Kardashian February split a second thought. That seemed predictable, inevitable. Everyone saw that coming because, well, let’s leave it alone.

I didn’t blink when Jeff Bezos and Mackenzie Scott called it quits, either. Bezos had been cheating with a married woman, which gave everything a sordid sheen. I’d classify that Seattle divorce as a facepalm kind of event, a what-were-you-thinking moment. The man who built Amazon should’ve known better.

This most recent Seattle divorce announcement, however, was utterly shocking — if very 21st century. The Gateses announced they were splitting on Twitter, each using the same words on their separate accounts. In a joint statement, they said they could “no longer believe we can grow together as a couple.” This public revelation came “after a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship.”

The tandem tweets ushered a tsunami of social media posts and opinions. Within minutes of the original dispatch, my phone pinged repeatedly with an alarming number of related news alerts. One was from my brother-in-law, who posted a breaking news story in the family chat. He labeled the divorce another victim of COVID-19. But was it? Most likely, the pandemic underscored what many of us can no longer avoid.

Which is: Life is too short to waste on situations (and people) that don’t make you happy.

But Bill and Melinda Gates looked happy! They seemed to have it together, in a nerdy, billionaire-y kind of way, and they appeared to like each other, an important attribute because the first flush of lust always wanes. Also, they had sounded so transparent in interviews, admitting that the road to true marital partnership hadn’t always been easy. No wonder so many of us clay-footed plebeians quarreling over dishes and laundry could relate.

Now we know better. All was not well in the castle Microsoft built. And that’s depressing. And, in a weird way, also personal.

Because if a couple with so many shared interests, so many resources at their fingertips and so many years together couldn’t navigate the shoals and eddies of marriage, what does this mean for the rest of us? Has this ancient institution outlived its purpose? Should we accept a marriage as temporary, nothing more than a placeholder until the next one?

Some have suggested that marriage is not built to withstand the pressures of decades. Our longer lifespans now mean more years with a significant other, and not all relationships can weather the inexorable changes that happen over time. Not all can adapt to meet evolving demands.

That’s scary.

Marriage is messy, and challenging, and complicated. Anyone who has stuck it out for more than half a minute knows this. It’s a warning everyone should hear. In fact, I issue it, along with my blessing, every time one of my adult children has tied the knot. The Gates breakup proves this.

Marriage is fragile. Marriage is risky. It should be treated accordingly, with the utmost of care.

Ana Veciana-Suarez writes about family and social issues. Email her at avecianasuarez@gmail.com or visit her website anavecianasuarez.com. Follow @AnaVeciana.