Bill OBoyle: True love does exist, ya just gotta find it
Feb. 11—WILKES-BARRE — As everyone knows by now, Valentine's Day is not my favorite day.
There was a time when I actually enjoyed the holiday. Yeah, I sent flowers, cards and sat across a table for a somewhat romantic dinner or two or 15.
But, despite my efforts, which I will admit at times were not the best, I persevered.
But as the late, great Jimmy Buffet sang — "it could be my fault."
And it appears that while the Way Back Machine can take me back to the "good old days," it seems the GPS system has no memory stored of what I often describe as "my stupid days."
I have written about this in the past and each year as Valentine's Day approaches I cringe at the mere mention of the celebration. Be my Valentine? Buy me a box of candy. Send me a heart-filled card. Flowers — roses of course — would be appreciated.
And of course there will be dinner and conversation, perhaps some jewelry.
All to show one's undying, faithful love for the other.
But for me, the true spirit of Valentine's Day is when I see a couple together — a real couple of decades of togetherness — I feel good and I am envious.
It comforts me to think that such love exists, despite my clear and extensive record of failure.
Would I want to have a Valentine? Absolutely, why not? And now that I am at an age at which I (perhaps) have matured to a place where I can handle a true, trust-based relationship, it seems I have reached the end of Reality Avenue. I must have missed a turn here and there along Life's Highway.
So now my life is relegated to a job I love, close friends and family and helping this wonderful community we call the Valley with a Heart.
If you are lucky enough to have that special person with whom to spend Valentine's Day, savor it. Keep building on that foundation so when you get to my age and older, you're not left wishing you had what you once did.
But the key is to be a Valentine every day. Don't take your Valentine for granted — ever.
Appreciate your Valentine. But not just by saying it — live it. Sincerity, genuineness, authenticity are all what really matters.
Don't ever think that a box of candy, or flowers, or a piece of jewelry can ever really say "I love you" as much as actually saying "I love you" to your Valentine.
I know what you're thinking. Why should we heed the advice of someone who has failed so often in this arena?
Well, some great coaches never played the game. Some great coaches weren't so good at playing the game. Some great coaches failed many times over before winning the Super Bowl or the World Series.
And when Valentine's Day approaches, I still recall that day in July 2014 and I think about the "what ifs" in my life. On that particular July afternoon, the "what ifs" hit me hard.
That was when I was leaving work and walking to my car and I found a graduation photo of a girl named Kennedy stuck to my driver's side window.
I didn't know the girl in the photo, so I dismissed it and tossed it on my passenger's seat and drove home.
That's when those "what-ifs" hit me.
What if "Kennedy" was my long lost daughter or granddaughter?
What if she was reaching out to me?
What if she wanted to meet me?
What if, what if, what if?
What if she's getting married and wants me to walk her down the aisle?
The experience left me shaking as I drove home.
But yet it gave me a brief glimmer of hope, quickly doused, but it was fun to suddenly think about things — birthdays, graduations, proms, ballgames, weddings — that never occurred with my non-existent daughter.
Because I had two great parents, I think I would have been a good father. I would have always been there for my son or daughter and I would have enjoyed every step of the way as they grew from infants to toddlers to baseball players to ballerinas to scholars to spouses to parents themselves.
I would be as proud as I possibly could be.
Thanks to that photo of "Kennedy" in 2014, those memories of things I never learned remain — memories of things I never had or knew.
Too often, we don't value what we have — we don't realize or appreciate all that life brings us.
I see the happiness that children and grandchildren have brought to the lives of my friends. I enjoy seeing them interact with their kids and grandkids.
And, yes, I am jealous, but in a good way. I would love to have been able to walk in their shoes.
Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias sang "To All The Girls I've Loved Before." That song and those lyrics can really get to me.
"To all the girls I've loved before
Who traveled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
For helping me to grow, I owe a lot, I know."
So, for me, it's good to think of what could have been. I appreciate it all.
Memories of things I've never known really can be good when that's all you got.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Reach Bill O'Boyle at 570-991-6118 or on Twitter @TLBillOBoyle.
