Sure, Lance Armstrong was pretty good at that French cycling race. But when it comes to good old-fashioned American beer drinkin' and runnin', well, he's not even in the mix.
Armstrong was invited to qualify for the first-ever Flo Beer Mile in Austin, Texas, an event where competitors must drink four beers as they run a mile. It's one of many such alcohol-and-exercise competitions, and it's apparently too much for the former seven-time Tour de France winner to handle.
In the time trials, Armstrong drank a beer, ran a lap, started on his second beer, declared "That was not what I expected," and dropped out, which makes him a wise man indeed.
“He drank Budweiser heavy from a 12 ounce can, no widemouth, following strict international beer mile standards," said Patrick Hitchens, who completed the beer mile in 6:08. "Perhaps his days with Michelob Ultra Lite put him at a disadvantage. He’s probably on his way to a gas station getting some Budweisers right now and practicing his chugging. He’s a competitor. I hope to see him out there again.”
Perhaps Armstrong could have a go at the world records of some of the other "digestive athletics" competitions, which BeerMile.com lists as:
• The Queen's Chunder Mile (20 oz. imperial pint from cup/glass, quarter, pint, 1/4, pint, 1/4, pint, 1/4; vomiting allowed)
• The Beer 2-Mile (8 beers, 8 quarters)
• The Beer Mile with Penalty (4 beers, 4 quarters + vomit = 5 quarters)
• The 4-Lap Beer Steeplechase (4 beers, 4 quarters, 16 barriers, 4 water pits)
• The 3000m Vodka Steeplechase (7 shots, standard 3k steeplechase)
• The Vodka 2-Mile (8 shots, 8 quarters)
• 4 x 40 Beer Relay (4 team members - 1 40 oz. beer, 1 quarter each)
• The Soda/Pop Mile (standard beer mile, soda instead of beer)
• The Chocolate-Milk Mile (48 oz. chocolate milk, 4 quarters)
• The Egg and Milk Mile (3 eggs, 500ml milk per lap)
• The Rubik's Cube Mile (solve a cube, quarter, cube, quarter, cube, quarter, cube, quarter)
• The Ben and Jerry's 4x4 (4 pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream - 300+ calories/serving, 4 miles)
• The Beer Half-Marathon (13 beers, 13 miles)
• The 24 and 24 in 24 (24 beers, 24 miles, in 24 hours or less)
• The Bicentennial (100 beers, 100 miles, any order)
• The Renaissance Mile (1 mile, solve a Rubik's cube, drink a 40oz of malt liquor, dunk a basketball on a 10' rim, play Chopin's Minute Waltz, eat a pint of ice cream, any order)
Yeah, we're fairly certain some of those might be lethal, so please don't try them at home. Or on the roads. Or anywhere, really.
And keep up with Jay over on Facebook, too.