The TicketWHCD: President Obama, Jimmy Kimmel roast Secret Service, Washington elite, each other
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Jimmy Kimmel and President Obama skewered the Secret Service, Washington's political and media elite--and each other--at the 98th White House Correspondents' Association dinner on Saturday night at the Washington Hilton.
And it seemed no one at the annual gathering of media, celebrities and politicians was off limits.
During his speech, Obama took a jab at the now-infamous Summit of the Americas that sparked the Secret Service sex scandal earlier this month. "Four years ago, I was locked in a primary battle with Hillary Clinton," Obama said. "Four years later, she won't stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena."
"Jimmy got his start on 'The Man Show,'" Obama noted of the evening's host. "In Washington, that's what we call a Congressional hearing on contraception."
[ SLIDESHOW: Red-carpet arrivals at WHCD 2012 ]
Last year's dinner occurred on the eve of Osama bin Laden's killing, and the anniversary proved to be fodder for several jokes.
"Who will it be this year?" Kimmel quipped. (The Navy SEALs, he said, should focus on the Kardashians.)
"We finally delivered justice to one of world's most notorious individuals," Obama recalled, as an image of Donald Trump appeared on a screen.
The president also made several jokes about his increasingly gray hair, predicting in four years he'll look like Morgan Freeman. "That's not even funny," Obama said, laughing.
The president congratulated Arianna Huffington on the Huffington Post's recent Pulitzer Prize. "There's no one out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day," he said. "And you don't pay them! It's a great business model."
Obama then took a few mild swipes at his likely opponent in November. "It's great to be here in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom," Obama said. "Or what Mitt Romney would call 'a little fixer upper.'" ("I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference," Obama said, pivoting briefly to that other controversy. "Unbelievable--not even the mind-reader knew what they were thinking.")
"We both have degrees from Harvard," he said of Romney. "I have one, he has two--what a snob."
Obama also looked ahead to the next four years. "In the first term I sang Al Green," he said. "In my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy." (First Lady Michelle Obama nodded in approval.)
"I have a lot of Secret Service jokes," Kimmel said. "I told them for $800 I wouldn't tell them, but they only offered 30."
Kimmel pointed to Sofia Vergara, one of a swarm of celebrities in attendance.
"This is what women look like in Colombia," Kimmel said. "What's the Secret Service supposed to do?"
He continued: "If this had happened on President Clinton's watch, those Secret Service agents would've been disciplined with a very serious high-five. Palms would be beet red."
Kimmel, host of ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live," reflected on his path to entertaining the president: "If you told me as a kid I'd be standing on the dais with President Barack Obama, I would've said, 'The president's name is Barack Obama?'"
He also took a swipe at Obama's weight. "You're so skinny," Kimmel said. "This is how you know how this country is in bad shape: Our president is starving. North Korea is sending him food aid."
Speaking of weight, the comedian also skewered the other end of the spectrum.
"Look, it's Chris Christie," Kimmel told the first lady. "Get him!"
"Gov. Christie, you may be misunderstanding the [New Jersey] slogan," he added. "It's not the 'Olive Garden State.'"
Kimmel defended fellow comedian Bill Maher in a bit about Rush Limbaugh.
"Is that slut Rush Limbaugh here?" Kimmel asked. "There's a reason Rush Limbaugh said what he said: Percocet."
"Just to clear things this up for the extreme right wingers, here's the difference between Bill Maher and Rush Limbaugh," Kimmel explained. "The people who watch Bill Maher know he's an ---hole."
Kimmel, though, threw a punches at Keith Olbermann.
"Under your seats, you'll find a copy of Keith Olbermann's résumé," Kimmel said. "The thing about Keith Olbermann is, he's so likeable. Olbermann's burned more bridges than arsonists of Madison County."
The former ESPN, MSNBC and Current TV host, who was not in attendance, fired back on Twitter.
"Funny that Jimmy Kimmel ripped me after his people desperately wanted me to fly to L.A, to be on his show this past Wednesday," Olbermann wrote. "I'm not complaining about the Kimmel jokes--I'm fair game. I'm complaining about the revenge element. It reminds me of [Bill] O'Reilly."
Yahoo's coverage of the White House Correspondents' Dinner:
• Our favorite moments from White House Correspondents' Dinners past
• Behind the scenes at #WHCD (SLIDESHOW)
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