Blue Star mom in Jax: Military spouses shoulder the weight of service during relocations

As summer stretches to an end in Florida, I’m beginning to find my footing as my family settles into our new community here in Jacksonville. After 22 years of my husband’s active-duty military service, my family is embarking on our fifth and final relocation. By now, you’d think we’d be experts at it, but this year’s move felt like a crash landing.

We share a strong sense of dedication to service, which has guided us through numerous challenging chapters. It’s baked into our DNA. My husband’s father served in the Vermont Air National Guard and my father served in the Army. Of course, the military has given our lives immense purpose over the past 22 years.

However, frequent transitions and relocations create unrelenting chaos and upheaval for my family, as well as other military families across the country.

In the military community, summer marks the relocation season for around 600,000 military families, serving as a pivotal time to integrate into their new communities through social events and gatherings. Contrary to the perception that military families only live on bases, these days military families are moving into local neighborhoods.

As my family and countless others across the country anxiously embark on this next step, I want to provide a glimpse into the angst and fear that I, along with many families like mine, face when we are forced to uproot our loved ones.

Like so many of my fellow military spouses, maintaining employment throughout our moves has been an uphill battle. My previous job was contingent on residing in my former state, so I was forced to forego my employment. This is an all-too-common refrain. With each move, spouses are often forced to leave behind jobs, which can be both frustrating and financially devastating.

We feel lost trying to find employment in an unfamiliar location and when we’re trying to create stability for our families amidst so much change, maintaining a job and financial continuity would make a world of difference.

Beyond that, many military spouses across the country face the challenge of obtaining professional licenses and certifications in each new state, making it even more difficult to find employment — 50% of active-duty spouses struggle to maintain steady employment.

Plus, the “red tape” that prevents certified spouses from practicing in new states is often too big a hurdle for parents navigating the other challenges of relocation.

Logistical challenges have also made relocation extremely hectic. Moving an entire household, including furniture, appliances and personal belongings — all while navigating military bureaucracy — can be overwhelming, especially for families with young children.

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School registration requirements differ from state to state, making it challenging to know which medical and vaccination records are needed. Often, class registration concludes before military kids arrive in their new homes, leaving them with the “leftover” options.

Not to mention sports team tryouts, which are typically held well before military kids arrive in town, diminishing athletic and social opportunities.

At the heart of the hurdles that my husband and I navigate is our desire to help our children thrive. My husband and I made the tough decision for him to finish his final year at his current station ahead of his retirement next year, while the kids and I moved this summer to start settling in, providing them with a greater sense of stability for their next chapter.

While my husband “geobaches” in our prior home, our family is enduring a whole year of separation leading up to his retirement. This is a sacrifice we’ve made to lay the groundwork for our children to cultivate strong relationships with their peers and engage in sports, hobbies and social activities.

Our prior relocation occurred just before the pandemic, making it much more difficult to fit into our new community as we faced many of the same pressures as civilian families during the public health crisis. This final relocation presents a unique opportunity for our family to start fresh and find a true sense of balance and belonging.

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Despite the bugs in the system, I am reminded of the strong communities that have embraced my family in each of our former homes. When a fire tragically struck our most recent military housing accommodation, our community opened their hearts and homes to my family to support our basic needs. Neighbors let us use their washers and dryers and even prepared meals for us.

It’s efforts like these that may seem small but granted us a true sense of belonging.

My sincere hope is that all families relocating this Welcome Week encounter the kind of compassionate, inclusive neighbors we’ve been so fortunate to find when everything else is muddled in chaos. But all too often, civilian neighbors aren’t aware of the challenges we're facing and as a result don’t know how to help.

In Blue Star Families’ recent Military Family Lifestyle Survey, active-duty spouses rank spousal employment, time away from family, off-base housing concerns, military pay and relocation difficulties as the top five issues they face. We know that a sense of belonging to one’s local community can make a huge difference, but only 33% of active-duty family respondents feel that connection to their civilian community.

The Blue Star Families Jacksonville Chapter can serve as a lifeline for military families as we take our next steps into Florida this season. For those looking to show support for service members and their families, our local chapter relies on neighbors like you to make us feel welcome.

Extending a hand to your new neighbors this Welcome Week can cultivate a greater sense of connection and compassion, turning unfamiliar streets into welcoming paths for not only those who serve and protect our nation but their families, too.

Andie Coakley is a military spouse and Jacksonville resident. She is the former Blue Star Families New York Tri-State Chapter director and a Blue Star volunteer.

This guest column is the opinion of the author and does not necessarily represent the views of the Times-Union. We welcome a diversity of opinions.

This article originally appeared on Florida Times-Union: Jacksonville civilians, lend a helping hand to new military families