Family, friends, neighbors keep using our pickup truck. Should they pay for the gas?

Q. My husband and I both like to help family, friends and our neighbors whenever we can. He retired about two years ago and we bought a little pickup truck which my husband had been wanting for a long time to haul dirt and mulch, plants, wood and stuff. Great — yes! So a family member called shortly after he got it and asked if he would help move a couple of pieces of furniture to a charity and he was happy to do so; and then a neighbor asked him to help move something. Fine. He was verbally thanked. It soon got to the point someone wanted to use the truck or have him help them pick up this or that at least once every week. (He doesn’t let anyone borrow the truck; he prefers to drive it.)

There are several, though, who, I think, are abusing my husband’s kindness; like having him pick up things and take them to their houses ‘cause they are “to busy to go with him.” Sometimes, he is driving over 50 miles round trip. If they are home when he drops off the items, they say thanks but have not offered to pay for gas or take him to lunch or dinner or anything. Correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t they being inconsiderate? Shouldn’t they be doing something nice in return for my husband’s generosity or at least give him a little money for gas since the price of gas keeps going up and up?

He said a couple of the guys said something to him like. “Do you need some gas money?” or “What do I owe you for gas?” He said he really didn’t know how he should answer so he just shook his head. Shouldn’t they just hand him some money or a gas card and tell him thanks? Would it be totally out of line if he were to ask for gas money? I have mentioned that to him but he says he would definitely not know what to say or how to ask. I would appreciate your thoughts and recommendations about all this?

A. You and your husband are definitely very generous and, yes, I totally agree with you some of these people are taking advantage of your husband. It is a shame his generosity is not more appreciated. I can understand why he does not know what to say when they sort of perfunctorily ask him how much he wants; however, they SHOULD be offering him, actually giving him, money for gas, a gas card and not take “no” for an answer. Each person he helps should be doing this, especially those who make continuous requests for his help.

It would be great if your husband could say: “I would be happy to help you, but with the price of gas going up and up, I would appreciate (determine a fair price depending on the distance involved) “$15 for gas” (if it is a short trip); or “$20 for gas” (if a little out of the area); and “$25 or $30 for gas” (if he has to drive 50 miles round trip).

If he does not feel comfortable mentioning a specific amount, perhaps he could say something like this: “If you feel like throwing a few bucks in the coffee can in the cab for gas, it would be appreciated.”

Thank you to the reader who sent this note

“I don’t get thank you’s from my grandchildren when I send them gifts or money either, but what I started doing is this: I include a note inside the card I send them and I tell them I wish I could be there to celebrate whatever occasion it is and hope they like what I sent them. Then I add: ‘Please give me a call when you get this so that I know it arrived safely and on time.’”

My response

This is a great idea — it is subtle and should provide a “wake up” call to the recipients so that you will automatically start getting thank-you phone calls and maybe one day even a handwritten thank-you. Thank you so much.

Thank you to another reader who sent this letter

“Thank you for the article last Sunday about Thank You’s. I, too, am a grandmother who because of age and the virus, I haven’t attended some events, but send money ... Most are of the age they could pick up the phone. I would be thankful just to get that. At Christmas, I sent a little gift with money. Nothing! Makes you want to stop giving! These two are in their early 20’s. Most young people have those phones glued to their hands.”

My response

I am sorry to hear you are not getting at least a phone call thanking you for your gifts. You might want to consider doing what the reader above did and hopefully you will start getting some phone calls as well.