Boyle column: Go west, old man? Sure, but watch out for bears!

Go west, old man!

“Wait a second, cowpoke, that ain’t right,” you say.

Technically, you’re right, as newspaperman Horace Greeley famously said back in 1865, “Go west, young man.”

Sadly, as a young man, I did not heed Greeley’s advice, opting instead to hang around my hometown of Richmond, Virginia, where just about all of my family and friends lived. I had the itch to do it, but not enough gumption – not to mention money.

Instead, I settled into the working life, then moved Asheville way in 1995, then buying a house and starting a family, which all tends to tie down a still-young cowpoke wannabee.

To cut to the chase, I never made it west of the Mississippi until about six years ago, when my wife, Grace, and I took our two boys on a trip to see three stunning national parks: the Grand Canyon, Zion and Bryce Canyon. Then, at age 52, I finally got what Greeley was getting at.

The west is just so vast, so stunningly beautiful, so wild – and so different from the East Coast – that it’s something every young person − shoot, every person −should experience. In short, it’s life-changing.

Grace and I decided right then that we had to get out west more, mainly to see our amazing national parks. A couple years later we hit Yosemite, Kings Canyon and Sequoia, all in California.

Again we were absolutely gob-smacked by the beauty, the open space, the grandeur of Tuolumne Meadows, a sub-alpine meadow in Yosemite that might be one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. The majesty of the sequoias is simply humbling.

Honestly, it’s hard to even rate all these places, because they’re each so beautiful in their own way.

At any rate, we next put Grand Teton and Yellowstone national parks in our sights next, as they’re both in Wyoming and only about 30 miles apart. Unfortunately, we put them in our sights right as COVID hit in 2020, so we had to postpone until 2021.

Then omicron hit and we had to postpone again. This year, at age 58, we decided to live the Nike creed and Just Do It.

And it was glorious. I know not everyone can afford a vacation like this, and it’s not something we can do every year, but if you can find a way to swing it, whether it’s by camper or staying in five different lodging sites like we did, do it.

The Tetons, rising out of a plateau to nearly 14,000 feet inspire an awe that’s hard to convey. And Yellowstone, known mostly for its wildlife and hydrothermal springs and geysers, provided a pleasant surprise with its gorgeous “Grand Canyon of Yellowstone” and numerous streams that looked like they were used in the movie “A River Runs Through It.”

In Yellowstone, we had an up close encounter with two bison walking past our rented vehicle, something we’ll never forget, mainly because bison are really noisy. And in the Tetons, we had the unwanted thrill of seeing a bear running at us at full speed (more on that in a sec).

We capped all this off with a half-day visit to a friend who lives part time in Montana, with the drive to see him and his partner almost as stunning as when we first laid eyes on the Tetons. Huge ranches one after another, with a backdrop of towering mountains.

Clearly, Greeley wanted young people to experience and savor this grandeur, in part because it’s pretty tough to do it when you get some miles on the odometer.

So, with that in mind, here are a few tips and things we learned on this 10-day western sojourn:

Yeah, you may want to lose a few pounds – I have been putting on the winter fat for a couple of years now, and it’s not good out on the trails, especially in high-elevation country. Both the Tetons and Yellowstone are on a plateau that starts at 6,500-7,000 feet, so if you hike higher you’re definitely susceptible to some altitude sickness issues, or just being out of breath. We experienced the latter, a lot.

Got to drop 30 lbs before the next big adventure.

The wildlife dangers are real – They really warn you about bears, bison and moose out there, and with good reason. They can all kill you. We rented bear spray at the Jackson Airport – yes, they have a kiosk right there – and we carried it just about everywhere. Both parks have black bears and grizzlies, but we only saw black bears.

One mom and her cub were crossing a road pretty far away, but the other bear encounter we had got the adrenaline pumping. We were on a hike into Cascade Canyon in the Tetons, a beautiful area behind the surprisingly large Jenny Lake.

Several people we passed mentioned there was a mama black bear and a cinnamon-colored cub up ahead, “about 500 feet,” they said. Grace was pretty nervous about the whole bear thing, so I cajoled her into walking ahead another 100 yards or so.

“I’m sure they’ll be a whole herd of people standing around gawking at it,” I assured her. She reluctantly agreed to keep walking.

We walked about 50 feet more and I suddenly see a furry black head bobbing toward us. Fast. Great, a spooked mama bear is running at us, and she has a cub, I thought.

I told Grace to get out the bear spray and back up. Now, this trail was about 3 feet wide – not enough room for bear and human to copacetically pass one another. So we did exactly what you’re not supposed to do: We turned tail and boogied for a few seconds.

When we turned around, we saw the bear breaking off, turning right to go down to a stream, with her cub. I holstered the bear spray, checked my undies and made sure Grace was OK.

We watched the bear from a safe distance, about a hundred yards, and then decided we’d had enough adventure for one day.

All of this reminds me of another important tip…

Pack more underwear – Seriously, I don’t know why I don’t pack every single pair of underwear I own for every trip. For the Yosemite trip I inexplicably packed three pair, so I had to wash them in the sink a bunch. Not real romantic.

Geography is important − The town is Jackson, Wyoming. The area is Jackson Hole. The town of Jackson borders Grand Teton National Park. The Teton range is about 50 miles long, and the Tetons and the Wyoming mountain range on the other side create a very distinctive bowl shape around the whole valley, which the early European visitors thought looked like a hole, ergo Jackson Hole.

Similarly, it’s Grand Teton National Park, not Grand Tetons −Only the big enchilada gets its name in the title, and as the highest mountain among the Tetons, at 13,775 feet, Grand Teton is the winner. But the rest of them are very impressive in their own right.

Everything is expensive – Gas out west was running $4.69-$4.79 a gallon. The meals at the lodges were outrageous, so our first stop was to the Albertson’s grocery store in Jackson to stock up on peanut butter and jelly, bread and other stuff we could keep on ice. Saved a lot of dough, although I don’t want to face another PBJ any time soon.

Yes, parts of Yellowstone really stink − Some of the hot springs, fumaroles (continuously venting steam vents) and mud pots really stink. Hey, a lot of sulfur is bubbling up out there, and it does not smell good. Brace yourself for the stink.

Bring binoculars, and a telephoto camera if you can – You can actually rent the gigantic camera lenses in Jackson if you don’t want to travel with one. The distance will allow you to get great pictures of bison, elk, bears and wolves from a safe distance. I got some good wildlife shots, but I also got some very bad, highly pixelated shots on my iPhone.

Which reminds me that…

Some wildlife just does not abide by distance rules – In Yellowstone, we walked down to a river to better see a waterfall, on a half-mile paved trail. On the way back, a bison was standing on the walkway, quietly munching grass. We skedaddled up a hillside and walked back along the road.

Hey, if you’re that big, you walk where you want to.

Get up early! The animals get active in the early morning, and the sunrises are pretty spectacular. Same goes for sunsets. Plan on long days.

Be nice to the locals − Our raft guide, who shares a camper with his girlfriend near the Tetons, told us during our float down the Snake River that the two hottest issues in the Jackson Hole area are the lack of affordable housing, and the shortage of hangar space for private jets at the airport. It's an expensive place to live, so tip generously.

Flying has gotten no more enjoyable – If you’re like us, you’re going to fly in the economy section, and they made these seats for a much slimmer America. On the leg from Salt Lake City, Utah, to Atlanta (our flight to Charlotte got canceled because of Hurricane Ian), I got crammed in the middle seat with no place for my bag but under the seat in front.

My seat wouldn’t recline, so I was locked in a CIA stress position for near four hours. Hey, it beats driving out there, but it was not fun. With this in mind…

Get a backpack bag for your carry-on − A lot of the youngsters had these, and some backpacks even had wheels. They hold a lot and can go in the overhead compartments.

Consider using a guide app on your phone − We used GyPSy Guide in both parks, and it provided the perfect combination of directions, suggestions for cool places to stop, historical tidbits and advice on wildlife safety.

Don’t think you’re too old to do this! One great thing about our parks is they have all levels of trails and overlooks for all kinds of people. We saw folks using walkers to get around, and several people in wheelchairs. They all seemed to be enjoying the views and wildlife.

So yes, go west, old man! And old woman!

Just rent the bear spray at the airport.

This is the opinion of John Boyle. Contact him at 828-232-5847 or jboyle@citizentimes.com

This article originally appeared on Asheville Citizen Times: Boyle column: Go west, old man? Sure, but watch out for bears!