A bridesmaid feels like she is being gaslit into dropping out of the wedding.
She asked Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum to weigh in. Her brother’s fiancee asked her to be a bridesmaid at their wedding. The trouble began when the bride refused to tell her what color dress to buy and routinely insulted her throughout the process.
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“I’m currently in medical school and live across the country from my brother/family,” she wrote. “I was surprised when his fiancee asked me to be a bridesmaid because I barely know her, but she wanted to have all siblings in the wedding. I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week, and while I was able to get an accommodation to take my last two exams early, I still wouldn’t be able to help much with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party/bridal shower. She said this was fine, and it would mostly just be to have an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen for pictures.”
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“There’s a group chat that was created months ago that I would read through every couple of days to get updates on things I needed to do, namely to order a bridesmaid dress. Links were sent with three styles to choose from, and we would be updated on colors later. So a couple of weeks go by, and I ask what color to order. The bride says she is still thinking about it. A couple more weeks go by, and she’s still thinking… then a couple more weeks. You get the idea. Now it’s at the point that if I don’t order this dress in a couple of days, it won’t be here in time. So I ask on Saturday what color. No response in the group chat to me.”
“I asked again yesterday (Sunday) what color do I need to order?” she explained. “Then I’m flooded with messages lambasting me for not ordering a dress yet, from her sisters and my sister and her. My sister called me and told me to ‘get my s*** together’ and ‘order a dress already’ because my lack of preparedness is causing the bride intense anxiety because she doesn’t think my dress will be here on time for the wedding now. She texted me this morning, ‘don’t forget to order your dress, love you,’ with smiling and kissing emojis. Still, no one has told me what color! I’ve scoured the group chat for a mention of dress colors or an image of a dress, but only the maid of honor sent a photo of her dress, and I don’t know if she has a special color.
“About an hour ago, my brother called me pleading with me to work things out with the bride because she’s panicking about me. I tried to explain this to him, and he told me he didn’t care, it’s a petty ladies’ issue, and since I’m not there for anything else, this is the least I can do because the bride thinks I don’t like her because I wouldn’t come to anything. He’s taking her side. They know I’m in medical school, and I have literally no say in my schedule. And I’m on the other side of the country, 5.5 hours by plane.
I’m fed up with them and contemplating telling my instructors the wedding was moved, and I will take my exams at the regular time. I’d have more time to study that way anyway. I haven’t told anyone in my family I’m considering this.”
Redditors thought the bride and company were behaving strangely.
“It sounds like SIL and her family are gaslighting OP,” a person commented.
“This is gaslighting. Do not go to the wedding,” another wrote.
“They are setting you up to fail on purpose,” a user said.
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