In a recent post shared to the Reddit forum, “Am I The A**hole,” u/Educational-Leg1046 explained that she’s currently across the country from her family attending medical school, but that her brother’s fiancée still asked her to be a part of the bridal party despite the fact that the two women aren’t very close.
The Reddit user also began by acknowledging that the timing of the wedding is difficult, since it coincides with the end of the school year for her, which means she couldn’t help with a lot of the wedding planning.
“I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week, and while I was able to get an accommodation to take my last two exams early, I still wouldn’t be able to help much with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party/bridal shower,” she explained. “[The bride] said this was fine, it would mostly just be to have an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen and for pictures.”
The medical student went on to note that she was added to a group chat with the bridal party, where she has gotten “updates on things [she] needs to do,” like ordering her bridesmaid dress. However, while she received links about the styles to choose from, she said she has never been told what colour her dress had to be.
According to the original poster [OP], she reached out to the bride, who told her that she was “still thinking about” the colour. She said that this was then a routine that went on for weeks.
“Now it’s at the point that if I don’t order this dress in a couple of days it won’t be here in time,” she said. “So I ask on Saturday what colour. No response in the group chat to me.”
The groom’s sister claimed that when she asked about the colour again the next day, a fellow bridesmaid got upset with her.
“Then I’m flooded with messages lambasting me for not ordering a dress yet, from her sisters and my sister and her,” she continued. “My sister called me, told me to ‘get my s*** together’ and order a dress already’ because my lack of preparedness is causing the bride intense anxiety because she doesn’t think my dress will be here on time for the wedding now.”
She then recalled how she scrolled through “thousands of messages” in the group chat to see if the dress colour was discussed but didn’t have any luck, so she assumed that the decision was “relayed in person,” causing her to question if she was being “purposefully excluded”.
Ultimately, she said that the issue has made her consider skipping the wedding entirely.
“I’m fed up with them and contemplating telling my instructors the wedding was moved and I will take my exams at the regular time,” she explained. “I’d have more time to study that way anyway. I haven’t told anyone in my family I’m considering this.”
In an update to the Reddit post, u//Educational-Leg1046 revealed that she called her mother, who told her that the bridesmaid dresses are lavender. However, when she went online to get the dress, she couldn’t see a dress in lavender, so she reached out to the maid of honour, the sister of the bride. She said that the fellow bridesmaid sent her “long lecture” in response about not ordering the dress yet.
As of 24 May, the Reddit post has more than 20,500 upvotes, with Reddit users in the comments noting how strange it is that the bridesmaids refused to tell OP what colour dress is the right one.
“Sounds like she doesn’t really want you and is possibly a bridezilla,” one wrote. “If you have asked numerous times and he called but didn’t tell her to call and tell you the colour of the dress, text email etc. It really seems bizarre that NO ONE can or will tell you the colour of the dress.”
Many other readers encouraged the medical student to leave the bridal party, after hearing how she was treated by her family.
“You are already dealing with your final exams and don’t need their mind games on top of everything,” one comment reads. “They have zero problem calling/texting to complain about you, why is this so difficult to pick a damn colour and tell you. Enough is enough, they can find another bridesmaid.”
“I would seriously consider just bowing out of the wedding entirely and focus on your exams,” another reader added. “That is stuff that will affect the rest of your life and you should not be risking it by having to commit so much time and effort to this circus.”
The Independent has contacted u//Educational-Leg1046 for comment.