Bright Spot: Me to we, back to me as narcissism on rise

Valentine’s Day is near. Lots of love songs are getting air time on the radio and internet.

Renowned best-selling author, speaker, sociologist/pychologist Brene Brown documents a disturbing trend toward self-love called narcissism. Massive studies of the hit songs of the past 40 years show a shift in the pronouns in all sorts of hit tunes from “we” and “us” to “I” and “me.”

Accompanying that is more hostility shown by the greatly increased use of words like “hate and kill” in our pop music. She cites researchers like Twenge & Campbell (“The Narcissistic Epidemic”), who show something called “narcissistic personality disorder” has doubled in the last 10 years. I didn’t even know that was a thing! (Does that prove I’m not a narcissist?)

A common question I hear is how we can be so unloving toward each other, so divided as a nation on topics that 10 years ago we had 95% agreement. Some blame our political leadership, like Congress being in permanent gridlock illustrated by the Republican majority not being able to agree on a speaker after a gazillion votes to approve one.

Eminent sociologist, Robert Putnam, has written another classic. He describes tons of research documenting how the years prior to the 20^th Century show we were a nation of rugged individuals. We pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps. We were fiercely independent. Every man was an island. That pioneer spirit contributed to our development and greatness.

But around 1920 we shifted from being a nation of “me” to a nation of “we.” Cooperation and teamwork became more and more the norm. Government programs either followed or led the way largely out of need to solve massive social problems like the Great Depression so that we could share one another’s burdens. Think “The New Deal” of FDR.

“We” continued to the ‘60s when the tide started turning back to “me,” right up until today. Instead of caucuses cooperating in congress it’s “every man for himself.”

Both these books describe the problem well. But I have yet to read if they prescribe a cure. Putnam’s book promises solutions, but you’ll have to wait for future columns after I finish the books. Movie trailers aren’t the only ones who know how to tease.

I have read the whole book of Jesus, called the Bible. He has a cure for narcissism and selfish independence. It’s called “love.”

I’m not talking about the kind of love found in the pop songs described above, but “agape love;” the kind God demonstrates toward us. Agape is all about wanting and doing what’s best for the other person; totally self-less vs. selfish. It’s servanthood vs. selfish ambition, which is a word used a lot in the Bible and the political world of Jesus’ day. “Selfish ambition” described the politician who was always out to do what was best for himself vs. his constituents. He was a “user and taker” vs. a “giver and public servant.” Some things never change.

God never changes in that he still loves us with agape love: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8), the greatest act of agape ever.

Will you let him love you?

Rick Sams is pastor emeritus of Alliance Friends Church.

This article originally appeared on The Alliance Review: Bright Spot: Me to we, back to me as narcissism on rise