Bright Spot: Forgiveness a complicated, worthwhile process
Forgiveness is something like obscenity. One former Supreme Court justice quipped that obscenity is “hard to define, but he knew it when he saw it.” Maybe we have such a hard time recognizing or describing forgiveness because we seldom see the real thing.
Many will quote the old adage: “Forgive and forget.” But we can’t just flip and switch and forget on command. But God clearly commands we forgive, even making his forgiveness conditional on ours: “If you do not forgive one another your Father in Heaven will not forgive you“ (Matthew 6:14-15).
Forgiveness can’t be a feeling for the same reason; there is no switch to control feelings. Actions and decisions are different − far more subject to our control.
Neither can it mean we erase the consequences of the offenders actions. Where’s the justice there? Surely God is a just God. King David was forgiven for all the sins he committed in the Bathsheba affair. But the consequences the prophet Nathan foretold just kept on comin’: “The sword will never depart your house” (2 Samuel 12:10). And it didn’t. The bodies just kept piling up around the palace (2 Samuel 13:28-29; 18:14).
Dr. Timothy Keller, best-selling author and pastor tells forgiveness (in his book by that title) has at least four steps. First, ADMIT the wrong and describe the resulting pain; the consequences.
Second, emphasize or identify with the offender. Holocaust survivor and author Elie Wiesel describes the horrors he felt at the Nurenburg trials for Nazi perpetrators − more for how similar he was to the monsters on trial than how he differed.
Third, we must cancel their debt. We release let go of the right to hurt them for the hurt they’ve done to us.
Fourth, we reconcile the relationship. That doesn’t mean we become best buddies or desire to hang out with them. It does mean we can look them in the eye and say we want what’s best for them, pray for them, bless and do good for them (See Jesus on this, Luke 6:27-30).
This is the season of the world’s greatest act of love and forgiveness (John 3:16; Romans 5:8); Jesus’ sacrificial and substitutionary death on the cross. He “took our bullet” for us so that we don’t have to be separated from God forever. The relationship with God we broke by our actions or attitudes can be restored. That’s how you define forgiveness. More importantly, that’s how you get it and give it.
This article originally appeared on The Alliance Review: Bright Spot: Forgiveness a complicated, worthwhile process
