Britney Spears on sons leaving: 'A huge part of me has died'

·3 min read
A woman with long blond hair and dark eye makeup
Britney Spears at the 2018 GLAAD Media Awards in Beverly Hills. (Chris Pizzello / Invision / Associated Press)

Britney Spears opened up about her strained relationship with her children Saturday in a series of audio clips posted on Instagram.

The pop musician's latest remarks about her kids come shortly after her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, and their youngest son, Jayden James, spoke about her social media activity and mental state in an ITV news documentary. Spears, who is now married to Sam Asghari, was not happy with Federline for allowing their 15-year-old to participate in the doc.

"With my kids now making the claims that she's not good enough; she wants attention — yeah, I do want to be heard, and I'm angry, and I subconsciously want to offend people because I've been so f— offended," Spears said on Instagram this weekend.

"But I'm afraid to inform you guys, I'm not willing to see you until I feel valued," she went on, addressing Jayden James and his brother, Sean Preston, 16. "I should have valued myself way more and told you guys when I was available. I gave you guys so much attention."

In 2019, Spears and Federline struck a new 30-70 custody deal for the boys after previously splitting their time with them equally. However, the "Gimme More" singer claimed on Instagram that when the boys were between 6 and 9, she took care of them "70% of the time."

But the pop star also expressed regret. "Since they've been gone, I've honestly felt like a huge part of me has died," Spears said. "I have no purpose anymore. They were my joy. They were my everything. I looked forward to seeing them. That was what I live for. And then all of a sudden, they were gone, and I was like, 'Did my heart just stop beating?' ... I don't understand how it's so easy for them just to cut me off like that. I don't understand it."

Spears and Federline have been trading public statements about their complicated family situation since Spears' 13-year conservatorship ended in November. In August, Federline attempted to expose Spears as a bad mother by sharing videos of her parenting their sons. The footage instantly backfired on Federline, while Spears drew praise for being a strong parent.

In his ITV interview, Jayden James said he "really" wants to reunite with his mother after she gets "better mentally," while Federline revealed to the Daily Mail that it's "been a few months" since their children have seen Spears.

"All I know is my love for my children is more than anything, and I'm sorry if I ever hurt you guys in any way," Spears continued Saturday.

"Jayden and Preston, I adore you. I was told you guys have blocked me, but I will speak here ... I'm so blessed to even call you mine, and I just want you to know I apologize."

This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.