Calculator determines your chances of finding ‘The One’ — based on your sexiness
It’s just not adding up, huh?
You’re witty, charming and mom says you’re cute — but, alas, another dateless Valentine’s Day.
Well, thanks to the smarts of several savvy scientists, ill-starred singletons can now successfully apply the secret special something that’s been missing in their listless love lives: math.
“Are we truly alone in the universe? Most importantly, will you be alone on Valentine’s Day?,” questioned researchers Steven Wooding, Rik de Wet and Luciano Miño.
The investigative trio are the masterminds behind the Drake Equation for Love Calculator, a tool to help the spouseless find “The One.”
“[The calculator] estimates the number of potential perfect partners based on your preferences,” explained the clinicians in a September 2023 report via OminCalculator. “If you’re wondering whether you’ll be able to find a partner…boy, do we have the tool for you.”
Implementing the “Drake Equation” — a formula theorized by physicist Frank Drake in 1961 to estimate the probability of alien life in the Milky Way — Wooding’s team created the virtual form for the haplessly lonely to complete.
The analysts, too, founded their findings on a 2010 study commissioned by UK researcher Peter Backus, then 31, who sought to determine the size of his dating pool within London’s city limits. Using Drake’s equation, Backus discovered that over 10,500 local women met his criteria.
However, after calculating whether those would-be inamoratas would find him handsome and charismatic, the experimenter’s tens of thousands of honeys dwindled down to a puny 26 potential paramours.
But Backus ultimately met and married his perfect match.
So, Wooding and a band of brainiacs thought it best to share the combined sciences with the world.
Users of the Drake Equation for Love Calculator are initially asked to input their location and to rate their perceived attractiveness, as well as gregariousness, on a scale ranging from 1 to 5 (one being very low and five being quite high).
“It’s best to be honest when answering this question,” the scientists suggest. “If unsure, ask a good and honest friend or a stranger at the nearest coffee shop.”
Next, partnerless people — which, according to the U.S. Census Bureau is well over 117 million, including the hordes of unhitched folks looking for love in the Big Apple’s “cutthroat” dating scene, which has been ranked one of the “worst” cities for amour — are tasked with detailing their ideal partner.
Wannabe sweeties indicate their dream lover’s gender, age, desired level of education and sexiness.
“Should the person you’re looking for have a degree or not? You can also say you don’t mind either way,” reads the study.
“Thinking about people that match your preferences so far, what proportion do you find attractive?” it continues. The prompt asks the unhappily unattached to guesstimate the number of passersby they typically find hot — “most people” 75%, “average” 50%, “hardly anyone” 25% or a “custom value” users can manually load.
After locking in their prerequisites, the companionship calculator does its magic.
“Once you’ve entered all the calculator inputs, it will show you the number of potential partners that are out there,” say the clinicians. “It also tells you the percentage chance of finding love based on the number of people in your chosen state or the whole of the US.”
And romantic results can be truly out of this world.
“For a bit of fun, we compare your chances [of finding love] with the existence of an alien civilization within 1,000 light-years of Earth.”
The outcomes of their equation notwithstanding, fieldworkers hope the unlucky in love can keep their hopes up.
“Girlfriends (unlike aliens) aren’t science fiction,” the investigators reassure.
“We don’t know whether Backus’s wife, Rose, matches all his criteria, but one thing is sure,” they add, “If this pessimistic mathematician can find love against the odds he calculated himself, then so can you!”
