The Camel Project is working to eliminate bullying in schools, workplaces and communities

Oct. 10—Pamela S. Gockley wants to put an end to bullying in area schools and elsewhere, and the way to do that, she said, is to give people the tools to change their behavior.

"Bullying is a behavior, not a person," she said, "and that behavior is caused by an emotion, whether it's anger or fear or something else."

Learning to regulate those emotions and learning how to de-escalate a situation are key to preventing bullying, she noted.

Gockley is the founder and executive director of the Camel Project, a nonprofit that works to prevent and eliminate bullying in communities, schools, workplaces and homes.

She spoke this month at a Reading School Board meeting to mark National Bullying Prevention Month.

Observed each October since 2006, the month raises awareness of the devastating effects bullying has on children and families.

But to the Camel Project, Gockley said, every month is bullying prevention month.

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive or coercive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. It comes in many forms, including making threats, spreading rumors, attacking physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group.

Persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion and despair, and contribute to loss of self-esteem, anxiety, depression and suicidal behavior.

It's also often a precursor to violence, Gockley said.

"We really think bullying is a gateway behavior that can lead to a lot of different things," she said. "It's been connected to suicide, mass shootings. It's connected to chemical abuse and addiction."

Gockley, 57, knows firsthand the detrimental effects of bullying.

As the youngest child of a divorced mother, Gockley spent her first 10 years in rural Earl Township, Lancaster County, tagging along with her siblings and a group of neighborhood children. She was continually teased and tormented by the older kids, who nicknamed her "Camel."

"It was not a term of endearment," she wrote in the preface to her memoir "Not All Camels Are in the Desert."

When her family moved to an even more rural area, Gockley lost her fragile community support system and felt increasingly isolated.

Her weight skyrocketed to 300 pounds by the time she entered high school.

Overweight and struggling with then-undiagnosed dyslexia, she was mocked and bullied.

"The school decided I was fat and lazy and needed to be in special ed," she said.

Bored, depressed and angry, Gockley fell into a downward spiral, cutting classes and acting out.

When she slashed the seats of a school bus, she was charged with committing a felony, destroying school property. Her school agreed to drop the charges if she left, so she dropped out in ninth grade and went to work in low-paying jobs.

About the same time, she began using drugs to aid with weight loss, then turned to selling drugs to supplement her income.

Determined to better her situation, she kicked the drugs and earned her high school equivalency diploma by age 18.

Gockley went on to earn an associate degree in business management from Reading Area Community College and bachelor of arts degree in political science from Kutztown University.

She cofounded a graphic design and website development company and was working in web-based marketing when she founded the Camel Project in 2017.

"I named the Camel Project to show that the nickname is only a negative in my life if I allow it to be," she wrote in her memoir. "We cannot control others' words and behaviors, so it is critical that we learn how to best react to them."

Gockley went on to earn numerous certifications, including suicide prevention, bullying prevention, trauma-informed care and mental health first aid.

"Intervening, not confronting, is the best option for those who witness bullying," Gockley said.

For example, she said, a student who sees a friend being bullied could take the friend by the shoulder and walk them away.

"Create space," she said. "It's that space that really de-escalates the situation."

Because bullying is usually not a one-time occurrence, she noted, it should be reported to someone in authority.

Gockley said there are many reasons why a person might bully others. These include showing domination, wanting to feel powerful, improving social status, having low self-esteem or lacking remorse.

Some who bully others are unaware of their behavior and its effects, she said. They may have been bullied themselves as children or witnessed the behavior in a parent or another adult.

The targets of bullying are often those perceived to be the weakest in a group, she said. These could include the youngest child in a large family, a shy child with few or no friends, or a person with a physical or other difference.

Children and adults can be taught to recognize bullying behaviors in themselves and others and learn how to intervene to stop the cycle, she said.

To help prevent bullying, she said, the Camel Project offers a certificate program for adults. Those completing the four-hour curriculum are eligible to become certified bullying prevention specialists.

The course is designed for parents, educators, administrators, public safety members, business leaders and others, particularly those in leadership positions. The training includes 12 months of support.

Gockley is working to bring a bullying prevention program into area schools.

"We will work with the students to help them learn how to regulate their emotions before violence breaks out," she said.

For more information, visit camelproject.org.