In this most stressful summer, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion's “WAP” was the song so many of us desperately needed—an unapologetic anthem to vaginal lubrication accompanied by an utterly delightful music video of the duo gyrating their way through a fun house. And while much has been said of the acronym (google it) and of the certified freaks (seven days a week!) rapping about it, less attention has been paid to their fictional domicile, a decorative orgasm of sorts that more than holds its own against our empowered hosts. Shall we get gushy about it? We shall.
Zoom in on the gates, a pair of baroque confections that swing open to reveal an arbor of pruned azaleas, bushes of which ring a pebbled motor court. At its center sits a water fountain of two female figures back to back, a kind of flowing mammary monument that perhaps owes some creative debt to Kara Walker’s recent installation at the Tate Modern. Beyond rises the house itself: a sprawling mansion, vaguely château-like in spirit, with symmetrical gabled volumes that protrude from its splayed form. Water cascades down the steps from the double front doors. Has a pipe burst? Not quite. But do get a bucket and a mop.
Inside, we are treated to a warren of over-the-top, shall we say slick rooms—from the entry hall, with its gilded molding, zigzag tile, and anatomically accurate water features, to Cardi’s leopard-clad chamber, with Louis XV Revival chairs to support her splits. Then there’s Megan’s suite, lined in what appear to be perfectly bookmatched white tiger skins. (Is that even possible? We'll suspend disbelief.) And the subterranean mechanical room, a Memphis-inspired fever dream of striped pipes and valves. And Normani’s homage to houndstooth. And what appears to be the Sackler Wing at the Met, only minus the Temple of Dendur. Oh and how can we forget that indoor sandpit, an improbably arid decorating scheme if ever there was one. Who is to say the intention, but it sure reminded this viewer—and perhaps this viewer alone—of Walter de Maria’s Earth Room.
The lyrics leave me with so many design questions. What is the best garage for a Mack Truck? What is the proper pot for macaroni? What else might "big D" stand for…Decoupage? Directoire? Demilune? But more on all that another day. I’m suddenly reminded that in the event of a flood I would have no idea whatsoever how to turn off the water in my house.…
Originally Appeared on Architectural Digest