Being a mom is hard work: These new South Shore groups could help ward off the isolation

MILTON − When Ellie Rineck, of Milton, got pregnant with her first child, she struggled in ways she never expected.

Breastfeeding was harder than anyone warned her it would be, baby Foster barely slept and she found herself taking her anger and exhaustion out on her spouse, yet another postpartum problem she said she felt wholly unprepared to tackle.

But, when her now 4-year-old was 3 weeks old, she went to a support group for new moms.

"I showed up to my first moms group 45 minutes late, crying, with a screaming child," Rineck said with a laugh. "I Googled so much when I first had a baby because I just didn't know who to ask, but to have a group, led by someone who is trained, gave me a sounding board of other women all in the same place. It changed everything."

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Inspired by her experience, Rineck is one of about a dozen moms from across the country who signed up for a recent six-month training session offered by Newborn and Parenting Support (NAPS), the organization that hosted her first group. So did Duxbury's Emily Hayes.

Spurred only by their desire to help other mothers in need of a community, the two women had no way of knowing that, by the time they finished their training, a local tragedy would have pushed postpartum support to the forefront of many South Shore minds.

"We obviously signed up for this class way before this news. It is so tragic what happened, and it really did bring this awareness to things that people are afraid to talk about and are struggling with," Hayes said, reflecting on the deaths of three Duxbury children, allegedly at the hands of their mother, Lindsay Clancy. "If people feel like they have a place to connect and talk and be real with each other, maybe they'll understand that there are people who are feeling the same things."

Rineck agreed. She said learning how to support people struggling with postpartum anxiety, depression, psychosis and other issues has been a large part of the training.

"You could be doing all the right things and still really struggle," Rineck said. "We've been collecting resources and finding different tools and local therapists to direct people to if they need it. When we have a mom in our group really struggling, we want to know how to answer the questions 'What can we do?' and 'How can we help?'"

Rineck, who now has two children, will offer her groups under Moms Together LLC. She'll offer four different support groups for prenatal, postpartum, veteran and working mothers. The groups will meet at the Muscle & Flow wellness center in Milton, where Rineck lives.

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Hayes, who is expecting a second child in April, said she'll offer groups under the moniker Mom to Mom. Her first group will focus on new mothers and she hopes to start a working moms group when she's recovered from giving birth.

"The opportunities are endless. As your children get older, they come with a whole new set of challenges," she said. "If you hear someone else is going through the same thing you are, it makes you feel like you're not alone. You may think 'I'm the only one whose spouse travels,' or 'I'm the only one who's not sleeping,' but to hear two other moms say the same thing goes a long way."

Looking back to being postpartum with her first son, Hayes said she wishes she'd joined a group early on to give her a reason to leave the house and have something to look forward to.

"Bring the baby if you need to bring the baby, or use this as an hour to yourself if you need to. If you want to show up in sweatpants, show up in sweatpants. If this is a moment you need to put on real clothes and some makeup because you haven't in weeks, do that," she said. "I want people to come as they are and how they feel good."

Rineck said the groups will provide a lot of resources for mothers in all stages, but she hopes the benefits of community will continue long after the sessions end.

"If I have any goal, it's that more moms find support with each other," she said, adding that she still keeps in touch with parents from her first group four years ago. "There is no one right way to parent, and I want to bring a no shame, no judgment mindset. ... Every parent is different, but we have similar problems and can support each other. Knowing these problems are normal is such a big deal."

Reach Mary Whitfill at mwhitfill@patriotledger.com.

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This article originally appeared on The Patriot Ledger: South Shore moms group work to end isolation, offer postpartum support