Channing Tatum Is Legally Obligated to Kiss Jonah Hill's Penis
Today in celebrity gossip: Channing Tatum lost a sexy bet, a former castmember of The Shield may have murdered his wife, and Lana Del Rey will perform at Kanye West's wedding.
Ever since Channing Tatum burst into public consciousness via roles in instant classics like She's the Man and Step Up (or, if you have an even better memory, that one Mountain Dew commercial where he flips his car upside down in order to pick up a can of garbage poison off the asphalt) he's been one of Hollywood's biggest charmers. No really, obvious physical assets aside, he's got a very fun and ingratiating personality to go with his deceptively clever sense of humor. That he can alternate between things like 21 Jump Street and Magic Mike as well as his instantly infamous cameo in This Is the End must posit Channing Tatum as a national treasure more valuable to American society than the debatably worthless Mount Rushmore. And now Channing Tatum is out promoting 22 Jump Street and giving excellent soundbites and anecdotes to major publications! For example, in his new GQ cover story, Tatum admits to being what he calls a "high-functioning" alcoholic:
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I’m probably a pretty high-functioning, I guess, you know, I would say, alcoholic, I guess. There’s probably a tendency to escape. I equate it to creativity, and I definitely equate it to having a good time.
Don't we all? But don't worry, ladies and homosexual men, he plans to sober up for the four months or so required to be in Magic Mike 2 shape. In an even better part of the same interview, Tatum recounts a certain bet he made with Jonah Hill that if the first 21 Jump Street opened to higher than $35 Million, he'd kiss the tip of Hill's penis. Guess who won that bet? As 21 Jump Street co-director Phil Lord reminds everyone, "There were many witnesses to this conversation and verbal contracts are binding in a court of law." That means Channing Tatum is legally bound to kiss Jonah Hill's penis. Unfortunately Hill has yet to collect on this bet, but he's keeping his options open:
Maybe, on a drunk night when we're all being crazy and hopefully, knock on wood, Jump Street 2 works out and people love it, maybe out of the elation of that event in our lives I might call in the bet. Or I might make him double or nothing.
Everybody please remember that purchasing a ticket to 22 Jump Street is like casting a vote for Channing Tatum to kiss Jonah Hill's penis TWICE. It's your civic duty. [Page Six, E! Online]
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And now let's talk about tragic murder. Michael Jace, a former castmember of FX's The Shield, phoned the police on Monday night to report that his wife had been shot and that he had pulled the trigger. Making things worse (yes it gets way worse), Jace allegedly shot April Jace in in the face in front of their two kids, each under the age of 10. TMZ further reports that the Jace and his wife had been "locked in an angry argument over money" and added that Jace had filed for bankrupcty in 2011 and had been unable to pay his mortgage. It should go without saying that Jace has now been charged with murder. #Celebgossip [TMZ]
So far the most shocking development in the long-rumored, finally happening nuptials between Kanye West and Kim Kardashian is how BORING it all sounds. Like, okay, they're getting married in Europe or whatever, cool. But here are at least two details that might cause a slight uptick on the Interesting-o-Meter. First up: They'll be serenaded by no less than elegiac caterwauler Lana Del Rey! Because it's not a high-fashion Italian wedding without maddeningly hook-free California funeral music. The second item of note is that Kim Kardashian's bro-in-law Brody Jenner will NOT be attending the wedding. Us Weekly attributes this to the fact that Brody Jenner was not given a plus-one, so he couldn't bring his girlfriend of seven months and decided to just stay home. Stars: They hate wedding social politics just like us! [Page Six, Us Weekly]
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The breathtakingly beautiful-from-certain-angles star of Twilight, Robert Pattinson, would prefer that you stop taking his picture, please. Here's why:
I’m just trying to not be in stupid gossip magazines, basically, and I think the best way to do it is never be photographed ever. As I get older, I just get more and more and more self-conscious about getting photographed. I don’t know why. I’ve done it too many times and now I feel like everyone can see through me.
Honestly? Robert Pattinson seems very reasonable! Considering he was the male lead of Twilight, he has been shockingly adept at keeping himself out of tabloids. But he's being modest; staying out of tabloids is less about avoiding cameras and more about avoiding assholery. This was a good quote in general, though. I'm not sure the part about being self-conscious rings true considering he performs in front of cameras for a living, but still. Team Pattinson. (Do people still celebrate binary thinking by proclaiming allegiances to teams for stupid reasons? LMK) [Page Six]
If you want to know what it feels like to smile for seven prolonged minutes, then I highly encourage you to watch this clip from Billy on the Street in which Billy Eichner challenges Drew Barrymore to a game of Would Drew Barrymore Like This? We (and she) learn a lot about what Drew Barrymore would like!
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Billy Plays "Would Drew Barrymore Like That?" with Drew Barrymore! from Billy on the Street
It's honestly rare to see Kanye West be charming and easygoing in public, so enjoy this 15-second clip of him signing a fan's pair of Air Yeezy sneakers before informing the fan that they're knock-offs. Yeezy would know!
Here is a photo of Selena Gomez either crawling out of or into the ocean. Which direction is she headed? Maybe listen to police scanners wherever she's vacationing for further developments.
Finally, here is everybody's favorite teenage werewolf, Teen Wolf's Tyler Posey, licking the bare foot of co-star Orny Adams (who plays his lacrosse coach):
In other news, Teen Wolf remains the best, always and forever.
This article was originally published at http://www.thewire.com/entertainment/2014/05/channing-tatum-is-legally-obligated-to-kiss-jonah-hills-penis/371315/
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