Charles Romans: Ganging up on yourself
Jul. 13—Life, the universe, and everything in it (to paraphrase Douglas Adams) can be a bit overwhelming at times. And though there is no clear answer to it all or how to deal with it (not even the British Author's "42"), we are forced to do so on a daily basis.
Child care and pet care — even pet child care — are just a few parts of an ever growing list of things that wait to leap upon us before our sleepy feet hit the ground each morning. Things to do, jobs to work, people to see, all manufacture a jumbled list with a broken crayon on the unlined construction paper that is modern life.
As time wears on, the list gets more chaotic as one thing is written over another, crossed out, or rewritten in an attempt to get somewhere. Anywhere.
Didn't we at some point have a plan? I thought I did (honestly) but as I look around, well, all the crayon marks have run together in a nearly illegible mess ... conversely, however, all that chaos has resulted in some pretty colors.
Who'd have thought "lime ocre" was a color? And did I really mean to write "rotate pet tires" or "paint the driveway?"
Maybe, but somehow I doubt even I am that erratic. No, I'm sure the actual things I meant to do are somewhere under all the blurred lines of jumbled writing. Finding those things, however — not to mention keeping them all straight — is the trick to life after all. And along the way I need to remember not to beat myself up over my less than stellar penmanship.
Everyone says look at the "big picture," and I am certain there is value in that thought. But sometimes (often, actually) the picture gets so big that we are lost in the weeds so to speak.
Normally most of us can keep track of the various things that make up, add value to, or just pleasantly clutter our lives. But combine those things, then throw in the inevitable things we don't actually want and never asked for, then life can get really confusing real fast. When that happens we feel like we are drowning both physically and metaphorically; and most of us, by default if for no other reason, end up blaming ourselves.
Yes, it is our life and we are ultimately the ones responsible for it. Maybe we should have planned better, worked harder or simply not taken on so much at once. But there is an equally good possibility that our needs, desires and responsibilities grew beyond what a 24-hour day could contain.
It happens all the time, and when it does the natural reaction is to expect more of ourselves — maybe more than we are capable of giving. Or even want to give, for that matter. And when this happens, well, it is hard to get anything done at all because there is just too much to do.
Thankfully, as my dear old dad used to say, any big problem is just a lot of little problems that got together and decided to cause trouble. I believe they call that life — mine, yours and ours. And rather than ganging up on ourselves, we just need to live it.
Sometimes it is as simple and difficult as doing one thing at a time. Then do the next thing, and the next. We don't have to worry about getting everything "done," just get something done. Anything — or anywhere — is as good a place to start as any other. That is one benefit to needing to do so much after all, because it all needs done. And I will tell you a little secret it took me decades to learn ...
"Done" is an illusion.
It isn't that it doesn't exist, but rather that it doesn't last. Nothing ever stays done. Never. I cut every blade of grass in my yard five years ago, and you know what? My grass still needs to be cut. And though I haven't "rotated the tires on the cat," I did change the tires on my car over a year ago and I need tires again now. Done doesn't last.
Most things are never truly over, just delayed in a beneficial manner. I paid my electric bill last month, and now they want me to pay it again this month. Who knew? And I have also learned that by tomorrow morning I will want breakfast again in spite of the fact that I ate breakfast this morning and two other meals to boot. Funny thing, life.
When you think about it, all we are doing in life is maintaining it. So do what you can, as much as you can, but don't beat yourself up because you couldn't do more. And somewhere along the way take some time (even if just a few moments) to enjoy that busy life.
Ten years from now you won't remember how tall your grass grew before you got around to cutting it, but taking time for dinner and a movie with family just might give you something to smile about in those few peaceful moments that come along far too infrequently. And it might be a good idea to make room for more of those moments, too.
Reach CHARLES ROMANS at cromans@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2655.
