Charlotte Latvala: Transition tricky to being college parent
Congratulations to those of you who delivered a child to college this past week. It’s a huge accomplishment.
I say “child” instead of “young adult” because in your mind you just dropped your sweet, Lego-loving, American Girl-doll toting second-grader into a den of beer-swilling frat boys straight out of “Animal House.” (Even if you didn’t notice any beer-swilling frat boys, you’re pretty sure they’re lurking.) And you’re understandably nervous and worried and missing your kid more than you could have imagined.
Sigh. I feel for you. I feel for me, having done this for the umpteenth time last week. Saying goodbye gets easier by sheer repetition, the way a scar toughens up your skin — but it’s still a wrench, every time.
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May I humbly offer some suggestions for easing the transition? (Because these first few weeks can be the roughest. Once you get through them, dear reader, you’re home free.)
Do: Give her credit for having a brain and some common sense. She’s an adult now. Or at least a quasi-adult. Or at least not a second-grader.
Don’t: Use the pronoun “we” — in person or online — when referring to something your college kid is doing. Not “We are moving into the dorm” or “We don’t know where to go with scheduling questions.” Unless you are moving in or taking classes alongside your child (unlikely) or are indeed royal (hello, Kate!), there’s no “we” in college.
Do: Realize that your job is done. Well, almost done. You’re still on call for emergencies. And you’re paying the bills, mostly. But the heavy lifting of active parenting is behind you, for better or worse.
Don’t: Expect her to use the expensive coffee maker you bought her. Your child is going to exist on drive-through Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts for the next four years.
Do: Expect at least one panic-filled phone call or text during the first week of classes. It may be about an out-of-control roommate, problems with her advisor, or a lost ATM card. Trust me, these are minor blips, and you’ll do well to listen, nod, murmur “I hear you,” and then let your kid handle it.
Don’t: Freak out if one day she forgets to text you. Not hearing from your college kid is generally a good sign. It means she’s busy making friends, going to class, and getting her mind off any lingering homesickness.
Do: Drop into her quiet old bedroom now and then. Wallow a bit. Stare at the photos on the wall, the high school memorabilia, the flotsam and jetsam of random items scattered across the floor and desk (bobby pins, ticket stubs, an old Starbucks cup). It’s OK. You’re going through one of the biggest transitions of your life, and it’s normal to be a bit mopey. (As long as you don’t stay there forever.)
Don’t: Forget that with every ending comes a new beginning. And welcome to Parenthood: The College Years. It’s not too bad here, once you — er, we — get used to it.
Charlotte is a columnist for The Times. You can reach her at charlottelatvala@gmail.com.
This article originally appeared on Beaver County Times: Latvala: Transition tricky to being college parent
