Child sexual abuse happens in SC and elsewhere. Here's how to protect your children
Rockstar Cheer and Dance, the Greer-based competitive cheerleading gym that once had a national reputation for excellence, closed its doors “indefinitely” in September amidst a barrage of lawsuits accusing multiple coaches of sexual misconduct against minors.
In graphic language, the lawsuits paint a chilling picture of alleged child sex abuse, from an early “grooming” phase through to groping and inappropriate touching, the exchange of sexual images, and even rape.
The facts of the Rockstar case have yet to be substantiated. No criminal charges have been filed against any of the accused coaches, though the Department of Homeland Security is investigating the matter, according to the Greenville County Sheriff’s Office.
But child sexual abuse can impact families in any community, experts said — including Greenville.
Cases of child sexual abuse “might not necessarily come through my desk every day, but I see (them) often,” said Diana Kindley, a victim advocate with the Greenville County Sheriff’s Office.
Kindley and others acknowledged abuse can be hard to spot. But, they said, there are ways to reduce your child’s risk.
The Greenville News interviewed psychologists, attorneys, advocates and members of law enforcement who specialize in child abuse in South Carolina and around the country. Here’s what they told us about child sexual abuse — how to recognize it, prevent it and ensure your children are safe.
Understanding child sexual abuse: What it is, how common, who does it and its consequences
What is child sexual abuse?
Child sexual abuse is any sexual activity that occurs between an adult and a child.
Abuse can take many forms, experts say. Not all involve force or even touching. Inappropriate exposure, fondling, intercourse with a minor, obscene communications or the sharing of pornographic images of children all constitute child sexual abuse.
“Children can’t consent to any form of sexual activity, period,” said Margaret Bodman, a senior resource attorney for the Children’s Law Center at the University of South Carolina.
In South Carolina, minors aged 16 and older are legally able to consent to sexual activity with adults. There are exceptions, Bodman noted — individuals employed in an official capacity at schools are prohibited from having sexual relations with students 18 or younger, for example.
Consensual sex is also permitted when the parties are between the ages of 14 and 18.
Any other form of sexual activity between an adult and a child constitutes abuse.
How common is child sexual abuse?
Rates of child sexual abuse are hard to measure, experts say, because the majority of cases are never reported to authorities.
In Greenville County, Child Protective Services recorded just 33 founded cases of child sexual abuse during the fiscal year 2020-21, but experts say many more cases likely occurred during that time.
“That number is really shocking to me,” said Shauna Galloway-Williams, chief executive officer of the Julie Valentine Center in Greenville. The center, which supports children and adults who have experienced sexual abuse, saw 655 children in 2020 and 828 children in 2021, she said, though she cautioned not all had founded allegations of abuse.
“I can assure you that in Greenville County in that time period there were more than 33 kids that we saw here that were sexually abused,” Galloway-Williams said.
Only 38% of child victims ever disclose their abuse, according to Tracy Leonard, content and partnerships manager at Darkness to Light, a national nonprofit organization that empowers adults to prevent child sexual abuse.
The reason, Galloway-Williams said, is often fear.
“They’re afraid of what’s going to happen to them. They’re afraid of what’s going to happen to (the abuser). They’re afraid of what’s going to happen to their family,” said Galloway-Williams.
Children also might delay disclosing because they believe the abuse is appropriate or justified.
“There’s usually a lot of manipulation involved,” Leonard said. “By the time the actual act happens, there’s so much guilt for the child, and confusion. They just carry this weight — they decide not to say anything.”
Who commits child sexual abuse?
The vast majority of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child and their caregivers know and trust, experts say.
“It’s not a stranger,” said Leonard. “It is someone within the family, a coach, a teacher, a neighbor — someone you wouldn’t suspect.”
Just 10% of cases of child sexual abuse are committed by strangers, Leonard said.
“Most people don’t realize that,” said Galloway-Williams. “They’re afraid of the white van that’s going to pull up trying to pick up kids. But 90% (of abusers) are people that are known and loved and trusted by the child, the parents and the community.”
Even the most beloved pastor, teacher, youth leader or coach can be an abuser, Galloway-Williams said.
“That’s how they’re able to hide in plain sight,” she said. “They are skillful. They want the child and the family and the community to trust them.”
Abusers can be adults or even other children. Individuals who identify as homosexual are no more likely to abuse children than those who identify as heterosexual, according to Darkness to Light.
What are some of the short-term and long-term consequences of child sexual abuse?
“Sexual abuse is a risk factor for a variety of mental and emotional problems, both short-term and long-term,” said Dr. Benjamin Saunders, professor emeritus at the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center at the Medical University of South Carolina.
Children who have experienced abuse are more likely to suffer from depression, PTSD and sexual disorders. In later years, these problems can lead to drug and alcohol use, delinquency, and criminal behavior, said Saunders.
Recognizing the grooming that can precede abuse can be 'extraordinarily difficult'
What is grooming in the context of child abuse?
Grooming is a process in which offenders form a special relationship with a child and their family that they eventually leverage to abuse the child.
Abusers “are kind,” said Sarah Klein, an attorney who exclusively represents survivors of sexual abuse at the California-based firm Manly Stewart & Finaldi. “They create that trusting relationship. They often give gifts to the child or family, and put themselves in positions of implicit trust. Over time they manipulate that trusting relationship in order to harm the child, and the child then psychologically has a very difficult time deciphering whether what happened was a bad thing. It’s a manipulation tactic.”
Experts say grooming is a hallmark of child sexual abuse.
“In every single case that I have worked on or have knowledge of, there is always some grooming transpiring,” Klein said. “In the majority of cases, it’s a very key fact to how the perpetrator gained access to that child and the family.”
Abusers begin, Saunders said, by becoming “a special friend” to the child.
“They will then expand the relationship beyond the boundaries of the activity," Saunders said. "In the context of a sports league, they may have the child come over to their house. They may take them out, get a hamburger and French fries — something they don’t do with the other kids and something that has nothing to do with the actual activity of the organizations that they participate in.”
Over time, Saunders said, offenders push the boundaries further.
“They will do things that are kind of borderline against the rules,” he said. “The most common thing we see (is) they start giving them alcohol. Then they may give them drugs of some type. All in the context of having fun — (but) right there they now have something on the child, something that the child feels they could get in trouble for if anybody ever found about about this.
“And then, at some point, they start to sexualize the relationship,” Saunders said. “It may be an inappropriate hug, an inappropriate touch, a very slight, almost, 'Gee, did-that-really-happen' kind of thing. Then that may happen again, and again, and suddenly it’s more than that. And almost before the child knows what’s happening, they’re in a sexual relationship with this person.”
Klein, who was the first known victim of former Olympic women’s gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar, emphasized that abusers often groom families as well as children.
“For example, Nassar was dear friends with all of the parents in the gym and would go above and beyond to get to know the families, to come to birthday parties, to drive the gymnast home after practice,” Klein said. “My mother trusted Larry Nassar. The other families trusted Larry Nassar. Many of the other coaches in the community trusted Larry Nassar. And the community trusted Larry Nassar.”
Abusers target families as well as children, Klein said, because “when your parent trusts the perpetrator and the perpetrator harms the child, it’s confusing and difficult for the child to want to speak up against someone that even their own family loves and respects.”
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Is it possible to recognize grooming as it happens?
An “extraordinarily difficult” aspect of preventing child sexual abuse, Saunders said, is distinguishing between grooming behavior and genuinely benign attention from a caring adult.
Often, parents even encourage the grooming behavior because they appreciate another adult taking an interest in their child, Saunders said.
There are some behaviors, however, that experts identified as inappropriate or potentially a red flag. They include:
An adult spending an inordinate amount of time with a child, especially in situations the parent is not fully aware of.
An adult taking a child on outings without the parent’s permission.
A child spending time at an adult’s home.
An adult sharing a room with a child on an overnight trip.
An adult giving a child gifts.
An adult connecting with a child over technology or the internet without the parent’s knowledge or involvement.
Abusers, Saunders cautioned, often have “rationales” for this behavior.
“They’ll have explanations,” he said. “They’ll have reasons for why this is so necessary, and parents want to believe those (reasons) because they don’t want to believe what might be happening here.”
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What are signs a child is being sexually abused?
Signs vary from child to child, experts say, and often there are few, if any, “smoking guns” proving that abuse has occurred.
Changes in behavior and mood can indicate something is wrong, Saunders said, in addition to difficulty eating and sleeping.
“If we start seeing anger, outbursts that are just unexplainable and out of character for a child, if we start seeing grades falling,” something might be amiss.
He also noted that victims sometimes isolate themselves from friends.
Other signs include sexual behavior and language that is developmentally inappropriate, the use of alcohol or drugs at an early age, and sometimes even physical indicators like bruising or bleeding.
Saunders cautioned that many signs of sexual abuse can also be signs of other, unrelated issues. He said parents should assess whether the child’s change in behavior is associated with any other red flags for abuse, like spending excessive time at an adult’s home.
What should I do if my child has been sexually abused?
“The first step is to say to yourself, 'What can I do to support and help my child?'” Saunders said. “The problem is not, 'Gee, I need to take care of other people. I need to worry about the organization. I need to worry about making an allegation.' No. What you need to worry about, 100%, is that child. What is in the best interests of that child at that moment?”
Parents can support their children by listening carefully to their disclosure, gently encouraging them to disclose more, and asking how the child feels about a situation — what they’re experiencing or whether they’re afraid.
“The No. 1 thing that kids need, and the No. 1 thing that’s most helpful, is one single supportive adult who believes them,” said Galloway-Williams. “So even if you (think) there’s no way that Pastor Joe did this, you believe them and you support them and you do what’s right.”
“Congratulate (the child) for being incredibly brave and coming forward,” said Saunders.
The second step, Saunders said, is to “seek expert help.” He recommended turning to a child-advocacy center.
Child-advocacy centers in South Carolina include the Julie Valentine Center in Greenville, the Foothills Child Advocacy Center in Anderson, the Children's Advocacy Center of Spartanburg, Cherokee and Union Counties in Spartanburg, Beyond Abuse in Greenwood, and the Safe Passage Children's Advocacy Center in Rock Hill.
“They will know all about all of the issues related to sexual abuse,” Saunders said. “They will have partnerships with law enforcement, with mental health. Most of the child-advocacy centers in our state also do evidence-based treatment for the kids that need it.”
The child-advocacy center will walk parents through the process of making a report to the appropriate authorities, Saunders said, in addition to providing resources for care, including highly effective interventions such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy.
“You don’t have to do your own investigation,” Galloway-Williams said. “That’s our job; that’s law enforcement’s job. You don’t have to have all the details to (seek help)."
Here are ways to prevent child sexual abuse
How can you protect your child from sexual abuse?
Maintain an open, trusting relationship with your child. Tell your child they can talk to you and other safe adults if something happens. Make sure they know you will not judge them or punish them for disclosing.
Have developmentally appropriate conversations with your child about body parts, boundaries and personal safety as early as possible, and continue the dialogue as they age. Local child-advocacy centers can offer tips on how to approach these subjects with children as young as two.
Put rules in place that reduce your child’s risk of being abused, especially by limiting opportunities for your child to be alone with other adults. When such situations are unavoidable, make sure they are interruptible and observable by others.
Experts also recommended the monitoring of electronic devices and having conversations with your child about online safety.
Ask youth-serving organizations like sports leagues and childcare centers about their child-protection policies before your enroll your child. A list of appropriate questions for youth groups and the kinds of answers parents should hear can be found at greenvillenews.com.
Trust your intuition. If you feel uncomfortable with the way another adult is acting around your child, take steps to alter the situation, even if doing so feels unpleasant or impolite.
Educate yourself on the statistics and dynamics of child sexual abuse. Many child-advocacy centers provide trainings on abuse one-on-one or in community groups.
Other resources for parents and children in Greenville and beyond
Local
Greenville’s local child-advocacy center is the Julie Valentine Center, which offers a variety of resources to children impacted by sexual abuse in Greenville and Pickens counties.
Licensed professionals provide trauma-focused therapy to child victims individually and in groups. Center employees can also coordinate “a team approach to services” between law enforcement, the Department of Social Services, the Solicitor’s Office and medical professionals.
These services, which are confidential and available regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, are available in English and Spanish.
The Julie Valentine Center also offers “customizable training sessions” about child sexual abuse to adults and children. Anyone can participate in these sessions, including parents, childcare providers and youth-serving organizations.
More information on resources available at the Julie Valentine Center is available at julievalentinecenter.org.
Each county in South Carolina is served by a child-advocacy center. Find a complete list at cac-sc.org.
National
In addition to local child-advocacy centers, many organizations educate the public and serve survivors at the national level.
Darkness to Light, which is based in North Charleston, offers a two-hour flagship training program called Stewards of Children. Interested adults may take the program online or with a live facilitator. It reviews the five key steps of protecting children — learning the facts, minimizing opportunity for abuse, talking about abuse, recognizing the signs of abuse, and reacting responsibly to disclosures.
Organizations looking for help strengthening their child protection policies and procedures can work with Darkness to Light on a consulting basis.
Darkness to Light also provides a comprehensive list of resources available to families and survivors in each state, including recommendations on where to go to make a report and to obtain legal assistance or medical treatment.
Other organizations that offer educational materials and trainings on child sexual abuse include Prevent Child Abuse America, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, RAINN and 1in6, which offers specialized support for male survivors.
Parents outside South Carolina interested in educational materials appropriate for children can consult the Monique Burr Foundation.
This article originally appeared on Greenville News: Child sexual abuse happens. Here's how to protect your children