My children are clearly suffering without school — but socially distancing keeps them safe

When the American Academy of Pediatrics released a statement last month advocating that all policies for the coming academic year should start with the goal of having students physically back in schools, it did so with the disclaimer that this should be done safely and that school leaders must be flexible based on rapidly changing recommendations.

That initial news release caused both relief and uproar. The recommendations were later clarified to state that "decisions about implementing strategies for early care and education (e.g., dismissals, event cancellations, other social distancing measures) should be made locally, in collaboration with local health officials who can help determine the level of transmission in the community."

As an emergency physician, the reopening of society, particularly of schools that are cesspools of germs, is anxiety provoking. It could make my life more difficult if a wave of coronavirus infections ensues. I know many of my colleagues would advocate for continued home schooling.

As a mother, however, I respect that childhood experts have highlighted that schools are fundamental to child development, social and emotional skills, mental health, food security, assessing safety and addressing racial and social inequity — and that the prolonged lack of physical schooling for large numbers of children could lead to long-term effects.

Our view: Outside COVID-19 hot spots, try to reopen schools based on local data and safety resources

While I have been an advocate for shelter-in-place policies, physical distancing, masking and careful reopening, I will not pretend that any of these things were easy in my home. Home schooling came unnaturally and caused many tears all around.

Children lost more than a classroom

My toddler with sensory processing issues has clearly had a social emotional regression. And I am still brought to tears thinking about my kindergartner's last day of school. After sitting silently in the backseat all the way home after the end-of-school car parade, when we walked into our home she simply looked up at me and sobbed for several minutes. Her last days at school should have been spent hugging her friends goodbye and thanking her teachers with gifts. While there might have been some normal sadness for the end of the school year, that was a child mourning for the loss of part of her childhood.

Children between the ages of 6 and 8 are just beginning to learn independence, considering the future, developing friendships and understanding their place in the world. I knew that as a child, she could not find the words to describe her feelings, but as her mother I knew that she felt the weight of this year’s loneliness.

I am sure I am not the only parent facing this revelation. In fact, a recent study out of Italy and Spain found more than 85% of parents perceived changes in their children’s emotional states during quarantine.

School buses in Swanville, Maine.
School buses in Swanville, Maine.

There have certainly been plenty of smiles and laughter from both of my children while in social isolation. However, looking back, I see that they had also been prone to frustration and sought attention more than usual.

My oldest had crying spells related to wanting to return to school and her friends. Leading up to her last day of school, she had been complaining she couldn’t sleep due to “bad thoughts about school ending.” During Zoom calls, she was desperate to say one more thing, all so she could have one more moment of contact with her friends and teachers. Today, she still speaks about how "coronavirus ruined school and everything for me."

How to repair the damage?

As part of normal development, toddlers and young children should be running, laughing and experiencing joy with other children to further their social emotional development. They should be going on field trips, developing new neuronal connections by visualizing new sights, smells and textures, and then discussing these new experiences with their peers in person. They should be learning schedules and time management from their teachers, not from their tired and overburdened parents who were never meant or intended to home-school. How can any of the past few months make sense to a young child?

Make online learning better: Teachers like me don't feel safe enough to return to the classroom yet

I know that sheltering in place was and is critical to save lives. However, as we face a post-COVID world, we must turn to addressing the mental health impacts on society. Our children have experienced a massive loss. While we want our children to be OK, we must recognize that they cannot do it alone. Part of our planning going forward will need to include some attempt to allow children to be children again.

Will this be easy? Absolutely not. Not for parents, not for teachers and not for kids.

The AAP recommends space seating 6 feet apart when possible, smaller class sizes, hand hygiene, utilizing outdoor space as much as possible and wearing face coverings for children old enough. These guidelines will be challenging for schools already struggling for space and money. This may mean varying parts of physical and virtual schooling with strict guidelines on keeping everyone safe — with flexibility in pivoting the plan based on ever changing COVID-19 data.

Dr. Meeta Shah in Chicago in November 2019.
Dr. Meeta Shah in Chicago in November 2019.

Not to mention the additional burden on teachers this all produces. Part-time school would not be ideal, but it might be our only option. Importantly, employers will need to adjust to support parents in these new adventures in scheduling by continuing to allow working from home when applicable and some laxity when children are required to stay home due to illness.

Simultaneously we must prepare for the worst case — that large surges of COVID-19 infections will cause schools to go virtual again. But if this happens, how can we assist in supporting the mental health of young children, helping them understand and cope with this confusing world? Will it mean individual sessions with counselors and teachers? Supported and structured virtual or small groups, or physically distanced play dates? And — the biggest question — who will mandate, fund and support these types of initiatives? As this cannot be a burden held solely by teachers or parents alone.

We are not out of this yet. In the fall, I will closely monitor the number of cases in our area and for now I plan to send my children to school with masks or shields. But, if we surge, we are prepared to bring them back home to learn virtually — for everyone's safety.

I certainly know that, for now, I will let my children grieve in whatever way they need whenever they need it. And as a parent, I also will allow myself to quietly grieve, too, for the loss of part of their childhood.

Dr. Meeta Shah is an assistant professor of Emergency Medicine at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter: @msmemesha

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Reopening school debate: Balance COVID-19 safety, child development