Children shouldn't be forced to have children. Roe protected those abused like I was.

I was barely 14 the night he decided to break into my house. With one hand around my neck and another over my mouth, he shook me awake and whispered, “Get into the car.” This was a familiar face. I thought it was some kind of joke. It wasn’t.

I am lucky that the darkest night of my life didn’t result in a pregnancy, but for many girls it does. We celebrate the fact that the teen birth rate in the United States has been declining since 1991, but we fail to recognize that a major reason for this decline is access to reproductive rights and health.

I’ve heard it said that the areas where we are most justice-seeking are usually the areas where we hold the most pain. For me, this is certainly true. I wonder what will happen now that abortion is no longer protected under the Constitution – not to women, but to children.

I believed abortion was wrong. Period. Until I was victimized.

More: Here's what happens to a victimized child when the singular focus is on saving babies

More: I mourn the future of women and unwanted babies, who will be ignored by those who 'saved' them

The terror of what could have been

Access to abortion during the first two trimesters of pregnancy is now up to the states. As the news came through my car speakers, I glanced over at the beautiful 12-year-old girl in my passenger’s seat and started to imagine what life could’ve been like for us if she had been born seven years earlier, when I was just 14, at a time when it was a daily battle just to keep myself alive.

The ones this ruling will hurt most are playing at splash pads and running through sprinklers right now. They're in a very difficult transition period where they don't feel comfortable in their bodies and unwanted attention begins. They might be in abusive homes. Maybe they're being groomed by a neighbor or a pastor. Their summer may be spent playing in unsafe neighborhoods as their parents work to keep the lights on.

They are 14 or 15 with no ability to travel to another state if they are victimized. They are children with no way of “moving to another state” for care. Let’s pray they have advocates in schools. Let’s pray they are never targeted.

Let’s pray they are never me.

As I tucked in my four kids the night Roe v. Wade was overturned, I allowed myself to go back 20 years to my abuse. I calmed my nervous system by believing the narrative that the ruling wouldn't equal the end of abortion. “It’s just up to the states now.”

Abortion laws by state: Searchable database of state-by-state limits

But abortion is now illegal in Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Missouri, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Texas and Utah at every phase of pregnancy. Thirteen more states are expected to follow suit within the next few months.

I am libertarian-leaning and would like some power to return to the states. I was naive in this case over what some states would actually decide. I see the horror.

Alito's America: Where 'eminent' jurists believe in witches but women are the hysterics

I wouldn't have been the exception to restrictive abortion law

I was 14 and from a loving home when I was groomed and then assaulted by someone we trusted. My story is uncomfortably too common.

Because the grooming process had gone on for months, I was brainwashed to believe the assault was OK. I buried the darkest details way down. Charges were not pressed. I was a child. I didn't know how to tell this story until much later in life. I think what many don't realize about child victims is that there is a lot of confusion, especially when something happens to us by someone we know. And deep shame. We may never come forward.

These are the rapes that might never be prosecuted. Those committed by pastors, neighbors, trusted family friends.

My life would not have been the exception for protection had I been pregnant. Where abortion is no longer an option, theirs won't be,  either. Our children will be forced to have children, and it breaks my heart. It's hard to watch the country decide whose childhood should be destroyed, and many of us seem to forget that a 17-year-old is still a child. Many states seem to be OK sacrificing the lives of the children already here to save the children who aren't.

My mom had an abortion almost 50 years ago: My family is finally talking about her decision

I sometimes wonder, I told my therapist a few months back, what my life would’ve been if this had never happened to me. Trauma shapes us significantly. I have enough to work through. I sit and I imagine how much worse it could've been. These days, I do that often. Fully aware of the belief system that raised me, I consider what would have happened had I been forced to carry my rapist's child. It doesn't take much contemplation to know that if my daughter would’ve come when I was 14, I would’ve lost my life.

For women like me, this ruling feels like abandonment all over again. It's re-traumatizing. It fails to protect our youth. It fails to protect our youth. It fails to protect our youth.

We have to tell our stories. "Abortion is evil." I understand. But some of us might not get to choose pregnancy. Under abortion laws in some states, the most vulnerable of us might not get to choose to become mothers.

And that is evil, too.

Emilee Coblentz (she/her) is a West Coast-based writer/editor and a search and optimization editor at USA TODAY. Follow her on Twitter: @emileecoblentz

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Roe v. Wade ruling at Supreme Court will hurt youth abused like I was