Chip Minemyer: 12 days, many versions and a deeper meaning

Dec. 25—In their hilarious rendition of the holiday classic "12 Days of Christmas," Canadian comedians Bob and Doug McKenzie wrestle with when those dozen days fall on the calendar.

Bob — played by Rick Moranis — quizzes Doug — played by Dave Thomas:

"What are the 12 days of Christmas?"

They rationalize that Christmas Day is one and Christmas Eve is another.

"What's after that?," Bob says.

"Um, uh," Doug says, "Wrestling Day."

"No, get out."

"Boxing Day — yeah, yeah."

They throw in New Year's Day, New Year's Eve, two weekends (wouldn't work this year) and three "mystery days" to get to 12.

And then they proceed to pick gifts — in line with their comedic routines based on the parody of Canadian cultural stereotypes — that include five golden touques (knit caps here south of the border), four pounds of back bacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks and a beer ... "in a tree."

Eventually, they run out of steam — and ideas — and quit after eight days.

"Phew!" Doug says. "This should just be the two days of Christmas. It's too hard for us ..."

Bob and Doug gained fame on their Canadian show "Great White North," and later played crime-solving workers in a beer factory in the 1983 movie "Strange Brew." (Check it out on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=EojzfxXGxtE)

Is theirs the funniest version of "12 Days of Christmas"?

Some would argue that comedian Jeff Foxworthy nailed it with his "Redneck 12 Days of Christmas."

"Somebody done been to the Walmart

"Man this is the stuff I got for Christmas

"You cleaned up, what you get?

"Five flannel shirts

"Four big mud tires

"Three shot gun shells

"Two huntin' dogs

"And some parts to a Mustang G.T."

Historians tell us the song "12 Days of Christmas" dates back centuries and has roots in less celebratory or humorous circumstances.

Bronwen Neil, an associate professor with the Australian Catholic University, told the ABC network that the lyrics arose in the 18th or 19th century in England as a chant with no music — and a tool for Catholics to retain and share traditions during a time of persecution under the Protestant monarchy.

Neil says the lyrics are a code — "a secret catechism for Catholics in England."

"This song gave them a chance to teach their kids knowledge of the saints and doctrine in a secret code when the Protestants were cracking down on the Catholics," he said in a 2016 interview in Sydney, Australia.

Writer Daniel Clifton offered this: "A popular story behind the tune goes back to the 16th century, when Queen Elizabeth of England really went after the Catholics, persecuting them to the point that admitting you were Catholic or even suspected of being a Catholic meant torture and death."

The lyrics were first formally published in 1780 in a children's book, sources show.

And scholars do agree that there is deeper meaning than simply a collection of odd presents — drummers drumming, pipers piping, a partridge in a pear tree.

The 12 days — Bob and Doug, are you paying attention? — represent the period between Christmas Day (the birth of Christ) and Epiphany (traditionally, the visit of the Magi — the three wise men).

The website greatchristianhymns.com says the 12 days of gifts have the following representations:

—My true love: God

—Me: the human receiver

—A partridge in a pear tree: Jesus, the savior

—Two turtle doves: the old and new testaments

—Three french hens: Faith, hope and love — "the three theological virtues"

—Four calling birds: the four gospels

—Five golden rings: the Pentateuch, the first five books of the old testament

—Six geese a-laying: the six days of creation

—Seven swans a-swimming: the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit (from the book of Romans)

—Eight maids a-milking: the eight beatitudes from the Gospel of Matthew

—Nine ladies dancing: the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians)

—Ten lords a-leaping: the Ten Commandments (Exodus)

—Eleven pipers piping: the 11 apostles who remained faithful

—Twelve drummers drumming: the Apostle's Creed

Beyond theology, a yearly ritual involves figuring out how much it would cost to give those 12 days of gifts on a modern budget.

Pop culture writer Margaret Minnicks tracks the prices of laying geese, swimming swans, leaping lords and such — accounting for inflation, of course.

"The lover will have to dish out $197,071.09," she says.

"Giving all those gifts to a loved one in 2022 costs 10.5% more than in 2021. This is the third-highest increase in the history of calculating the cost."

The song "12 Days of Christmas" has been recorded by countless acts, from Perry Como, Frank Sinatra and Burl Ives to Alvin and the Chipmunks and Twisted Sister.

My favorite version features the late pop/country singer John Denver and the Muppets, with different characters — Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo — handling various gift lines.

Stealing the show is Miss Piggy, who dramatically bellows out "Five Gold Rings!" ... with a rhythmic accent: "Ba-dum bum bum!"

Happy 12 days of Christmas, everybody.

Chip Minemyer is the editor and general manager of The Tribune-Democrat and TribDem.com, GM of The Times-News of Cumberland, Md., and CNHI regional editor for Pennsylvania, Maryland, Ohio, West Virginia and North Carolina. He can be reached at 814-532-5091. Follow him on Twitter @MinemyerChip.