'I Choose Light.' How a Stark County family turned their tragedy into service to others
MASSILLON − Sunday dinner at your mom's house never gets old, even after you become an adult.
Tom and Jeanne Urbas' kitchen was the place where their adult children and grandchildren knew they could get a home-cooked meal on any given Sunday.
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That tradition was shattered on Sept. 19, 2010, by the deaths of their daughter Ann Urbas Blankenship, 42, and granddaughter Grayce Blankenship, 8, at the hands of Ann's husband, Kyle, who also killed himself.
No cause was ever found.
Double grief Tragedy hits family twice in same year
No one would blame them had they given their lives over to grief, but the Urbas family has chosen to devote themselves to serving others and to their Christian faith.
They are the founders of "I Choose Light," a ministry dedicated to helping the neediest in their community.
The name comes from Isaiah 58:10 :
"If you extend your soul to the hungry And satisfy the afflicted soul, Then your light shall dawn in the darkness, And your darkness shall be as the noonday."
"We have found overwhelming joy in our mission to help others," Jeanne Urbas said. "We have reached out to hundreds of people, striving in our small way to meet their needs. We have continually helped the helpless and underprivileged with food and clothes."
The ministry has held fundraising dinners to help people defray their medical bills, hosted free Thanksgiving dinners for the homeless and raised money for scholarships for college-bound students.
"If somebody has a need, you know, we just do it," Urbas said. "The heart guides me to do what I'm supposed to do. I tell God, 'You need to guide me; it's not up to me, it's up to you.' And so I just wait."
The Urbases also had a chapel and a playroom built at the CommQuest Family Living Center in Massillon in memory of their middle child and only daughter.
"As we are led by light, we jump into action," Jeanne Urbas said. " It's so exciting. We receive far more than we give."
Remembering Ann and Grayce Blankenship
Ann Urbas knew Kyle Blankenship during high school but they never dated. After college at Bowling Green State University, she returned home and they began seeing each other.
She worked as an art therapist at Mercy Medical Center in Canton.
"My daughter said, 'He made me laugh, and I love him'," her mother recalled. "Ann was married for 13 years to what seemed like a great guy who was thought of by many as a fun-loving husband and father. But he had a dark side that was hidden from us."
Urbas said her daughter expressed some reservations before they married because Blankenship was a heavy drinker.
"She felt, you know, he would change," she said. "But he was very jealous of Ann."
On the day they died, Ann and Grayce were scheduled to go her parents' house for dinner after church, but Jeanne Urbas was under the weather.
"Later on that afternoon, I called her," Urbas said. "I talked to her for just a minute, and the last thing she said to me very quietly was, 'I've got to go.' I called her later on that afternoon and she didn't answer, and so I said to my husband, 'Go and check on her.'"
That sunny Sunday afternoon gave way to unspeakable darkness.
"Our hearts were shattered; our hearts crumbled," she said. "Obviously, our lives would never be the same. There were long dark days of grieving and the greatest sense of loss. Three months later, my mother died. All that kept resounding in my head that I had lost my being, as three generations of my identity was taken from me in three months. There's special love that is shared by a mother, daughter and granddaughter. I had one mother, one daughter and a remarkable granddaughter."
'God did not take my girls'
Urbas credits the power of prayer for getting her through the ordeal.
She's never blamed God for what happened.
"I told everyone that God did not take my girls - man did," she said. "And I truly believe that. I didn't blame God. I didn't want it to happen but there's evil in the world that's sometimes stronger than man is so, you make choices."
Urbas said she, too, made a choice.
"Although I had the support of my own grieving husband, family and friends, I had to choose," she said. "It would have been so easy to walk in anger and bitterness, or even to numb the pain with alcohol and medication. And so, I had a choice only I could make. Instead of continuing to walk in the darkness of my own sorrow and pain, I chose light."
Although the tragedy affected the entire family, she said, it also brought them closer, something she knows Ann would have wanted.
As the middle child, Ann was close to her brothers, Joe and Jeff, and never met a stranger, her mother said.
"Ann was not perfect, but I don't want this story to focus on the tragedy," she added. "We lost our girls. It's hard. It's still hard. The Lord has gotten us through it."
Granddaughter Lori Stern said that thanks to her grandparents' "love language" of acts of service, there's been a trickle-down effect in the family from extended members, including her own 8-year-old daughter who organized a fundraiser last summer and raised more than $500 for juvenile cancer.
"She decided all on her own, probably because of modeling our behavior." Stern said. "She wanted to do a yard sale where everything was free, and people decided on how much they wanted to pay. She donated that money to Akron Children's Hospital."
The family has donated to numerous causes, including a wheelchair ramp for the wife of one of Jeff's coworkers. Other beneficiaries have included a fund for the families of Sandy Hook, a local animal shelter and the Girl Scouts. Last Christmas, they organized a family donation of Bibles and toiletries to Refuge of Hope in Canton after reading a request from the shelter in the newspaper.
CommQuest to honor Urbas family
Trista Todd, vice president of marketing and development at CommQuest said Urbas and her family have made a tremendous impact on their ability to help homeless women and children.
The agency is honoring Urbas during its "Taste of Hope" event on April 19. Tickets are available at https://www.commquest.org/2022/03/join-commquest-services-for-annual-fundraiser-taste-of-hope/
"She is a wonderful community advocate with a real love for people," Todd said. "They set up Grayce's Playroom so children there can not think about being in a homeless shelter. Jeanne and her family care for those spaces on a weekly basis; they come in and clean and restock it, and replace worn-out toys. They're just an amazing family."
Todd said the Urbases reached out to CommQuest shortly after the family's tragedy.
"They were looking for a way to give back because of Ann's heart to give back others who are less fortunate," she said. At the time, CommQuest had just acquired a building to house the shelter.
"We connected with them and showed them a room that was a bar, and Jeanne said, 'This is it; we're called to turn this into a chapel,'" Todd recalled. "They took a beam from the bar, and an Amish craftsman transformed the beams into a cross. It's a true 'beauty from ashes' moment."
Todd said she's learned that Urbas is reluctant when it comes to attention.
"Jeanne is probably one of the most selfless folks I've ever met in my entire life," Todd said. "She and her family do what they is because they love people and went to show the light of Christ."
Stern said such examples are why her grandparents are her role models.
"I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my grandparents," Stern said. "They had a huge hand in my life. They will show up wherever needed but they don't want recognition. They just want to do what's right and what's most helpful to others."
Urbas and Stern said there were people who don't understand why they weren't more bitter and angry about Ann and Grayce's deaths.
"Oh, they still are," Stern said. "I think they're just shocked. They don't understand how you're able to do that. I forget because it's been more than 10 years of healing, how shocking the story is. When you tell someone they're like, 'Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry,' and we're so calm about it. I would like people to know that the right choice isn't always the easiest choice."
A smiling Stern said she sees a lot of Grayce in her own 8-year-old. Had she lived, Gracye would be 21.
"Grayce wanted to make ice cream when she grew up. My daughter wants to do the same thing," she said, laughing.
'She's a faithful worker'
Faith has been the anchor that has gotten the family through.
Jeanne Urbas has been a lifelong member of St. John's Lutheran Church where she volunteers for projects, Christmas programs and the food pantry.
"She is a faithful worker. She was my first secretary when I came here in 1987," said the Rev. John Telloni, St. John's senior pastor. "She's a strong Christian."
Telloni recalls ministering to the Urbases shortly after their daughter and granddaughter died.
"It was very tragic," he said. "She was certainly distraught, but her Christian faith brought her through. I was just there to encourage that hope through the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is a path to the resurrection and hope that we have that her daughter and granddaughter were in Heaven."
Reach Charita at 330-580-8313 or charita.goshay@cantonrep.com
If you or someone you know needs help due to domestic violence, call the Domestic Violence Project in Stark County at 330-453-7233 (24 hours), or the National Domestic Violence 24-hour Hotline at 800-799-7233.
On Twitter: @cgoshayREP
This article originally appeared on The Repository: I Choose Light ministry created by Massillon family after tragedy
