Do we choose path of acceptance or resistance as we lose loved ones and our bodies fail?
I came across these words, "generous citizens of loss," from some media post I was reading, and the words haunted me for several days. When I finally decided to go back and look for the source, I couldn’t find it.
After spending hours researching, I found the author, poet and philosopher who coined the phrase. His name is David Whyte.
I guess the phrase "citizens of loss" imprinted on my brain because I’m experiencing some loss right now, but if you’re reading this, I bet you are, too. Life is a balance of loss and celebration. We prefer one end of the teeter-totter more than the other for sure, but it is constant movement from one bump to the other.
When you live long, you have earned the right to be called a citizen, Webster says, “a legally recognized subject of a state or commonwealth.” You have to arrive at a certain age — or experience — before you are a card-carrying member of the state of loss.
It’s different for different folks.
In an interview "On Being with Krista Tippett," Whyte says, “The only choice we have as we mature is how we inhabit our vulnerability— how we become larger and more courageous and more compassionate through our intimacy with disappearance. Our choice is to inhabit vulnerability as generous citizens of loss, robustly and fully, or conversely, as misers and complainers, reluctant, and fearful, always at the gates of existence, but never bravely and completely attempting to enter, never wanting to risk ourselves, never walking fully through the door.”
As card-carrying citizens of this state of loss and vulnerability, we have decisions to make. Will we run and hide, deny the reality of it or rebel against it? Will we even realize we have a choice to take the path of least resistance? Can we admit that loss is a part of living, and it is unavoidable?
Acceptance is the path to maturity and wisdom. As Bill Harris, one of my teachers, said, “Resistance is the source of all suffering.”
At this point in life, we become experts at loss. Our loved ones pass, our bodies fail, our dreams fade, and even our skin takes leave of its rightful position. And if it is not happening to you, it’s happening to someone you love. No matter how much you invest in anti-aging products or supplements that promise rejuvenation, it’s all a part of resisting the inevitable.
Well, it’s not all miserable. There is a cure, and it is gratefulness.
Right at our fingertips — or brain synapsis — is the ability to celebrate the good things in life. The teeter-totter of emotion can respond to your shifting thoughts.
As card-carrying members of loss, we have the tools to avoid becoming misers and complainers. It takes work but counting your blessings — and they are real — is the cure to this human condition.
Even though the burden of loss is thrust upon us, we can choose to become generous citizens of gratitude.
Find Connie’s book, “Daily Cures: Wisdom for Healthy Aging,” at www.justnowoldenough.com.
This article originally appeared on Topeka Capital-Journal: Do we choose path of acceptance or resistance as we lose loved ones?
