Chrissy Teigen Just Opened Up About Her Pregnancy Loss At 20 Weeks

Photo credit: David Crotty - Getty Images
Photo credit: David Crotty - Getty Images
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From Women's Health

  • Chrissy Teigen, 34, wrote an emotional essay about her miscarriage.

  • She said her doctors diagnosed her with "partial placenta abruption."

  • Chrissy was 20 weeks pregnant at the time of pregnancy loss. She wrote that baby Jack "wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either."


Chrissy Teigen and John Legend shared their loss of pregnancy at 20 weeks in a series of photos from the hospital in September on Instagram. Now, Chrissy is opening up about what she went through in an emotional new essay.

She started by setting the scene: "I’m writing from the downstairs couch, still cozied up in a blanket but buzzing from a morning of friends and fried chicken. I’m reading off countless notes from my phone—thoughts that have randomly popped up in the weeks since."

Chrissy confirmed she's been reading those social media posts starting, "you probably won’t read this, but…" and "You don’t have to respond to this, but…"

Then, she explained her diagnosis. "At this point I had already come to terms with what would happen: I would have an epidural and be induced to deliver our 20 week old, a boy that would have never survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms). I was previously on bedrest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a 'safer' zone for the fetus. My doctors diagnosed me with partial placenta abruption. I had always had placenta problems." (Placenta abruption is a rare but serious pregnancy complication, according to the Mayo Clinic, when the placenta partly or completely separates from the inner wall of the uterus prior to delivery. It can decrease or block the baby's supply of oxygen and nutrients and cause heavy bleeding in the mother, like what Chrissy describes.)

Chrissy continued: "We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in. I actually became an adult diaper expert for my own personal entertainment, truly appreciating the brands that went out of their way to not make me feel like an actual shitting baby."

But Chrissy could tell the treatments weren't working. "The fluid around Jack had become very low—he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly."

"After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming—it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either."

"I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again."

Chrissy shared a photo of herself with oxygen that captured that exact moment. She explained why she shared publicly:

"I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."

Chrissy says her delivery is something she will never forget. Once Jack was born, she says, "My mom, John and I each held him and said our own private goodbyes, mom sobbing through Thai prayer. I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again. I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour."

In the weeks since, she reminisces: "I also cry when I get mad at myself for being too happy. Sometimes I read things that make me gut laugh, or see an instagram post worthy of a like (yes, I’m gone but I’ve still been creeping!)."

She closes the essay by thanking everyone who kept her family in their thoughts and shared their own stories. And she looks to the future: "Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see."

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