Classic Answer Man makes up questions about South Asheville, brags about where he lives

We'll have a fresh Answer Man column Tuesday. Here's a blast from the past, published July 16, 2011

For more than a decade now, I've lived "down south," as in the south of Asheville.

OK, technically I live in Fletcher, which technically is in Henderson County, but technically no one really cares. I head through South Asheville daily, and it's where I do most of my shopping, eating, exercising and aimless meandering.

So, I think I know South Asheville pretty well. Certainly well enough to don my Answer Man superhero outfit, which consists of reading glasses and a notepad (someone please buy me some trousers!), and answer some questions about the area.

This go-round, I wrote the questions, too, but I think they're fairly indicative of what people want to know about the area.

Without further ado, some questions, my smart-aleck answers and the real deal.

Question: I'm confused. What exactly is "South Asheville"? Does it have actual boundaries?

My answer: No one knows for sure, but when you start edging into the Greater Fletcher Metropolitan Area, you're leaving South Asheville.

Real answer: Who knows? I usually tell people that when you're heading south on Hendersonville Road and you cross I-40, you're in South Asheville. Same on Sweeten Creek Road. It ends at the Fletcher town limit.

Hendersonville Road, or U.S. 25, is the main artery. You'll start edging down into the Skyland area, then Arden, and you can roam over into Biltmore Park.

We're all one big happy family.

Question: What is the allure of living in South Asheville?

My answer: Dunkin Donuts and Carolina Mountain Bakery are practically within a stone's throw of each other. 'Nuff said.

Real answer: Heck, we've got three Ingles grocery stores! Not to mention Earth Fare, Harris Teeter and Grocery Outlet.

Tons of restaurants, too.

Do I seem a tad preoccupied with food?

Seriously, you've got everything you need in one area, from Lowe's and Target to movie theaters, pawn shops and a Barnes & Noble. Throw in a couple of beautiful parks (Fletcher Community Park and Jake Rusher in Royal Pines), numerous nice apartment complexes and a bunch of really great neighborhoods, all maybe 15 minutes from downtown, and you can see why we're living down south.

Sure, we've got some swanky 'hoods that are way out of my price range, but regular working-class folks can actually afford to live in South Asheville, and the schools are top-notch.

Did I mention Harbor Freight Tools? 'Cause I can seriously blow some money in that place when I'm coming off a bakery sugar rush.

Question: I hear there's really nothing to do in South Asheville, especially at night. Is this true?

My answer: As my night-time activities range from napping in my recliner while watching TV to napping in bed while reading, I might not be the guy to ask.

Real answer: Are you kidding me?

We've got all your chain options, from Applebee's and Five Guys burgers off Hendersonville Road to Lone Star Steakhouse and Chili's off Airport Road.

But we've also got quite a few great independent places, including my personal favorite, 12 Bones Smokehouse on Sweeten Creek, where the blueberry chipotle ribs are a religious experience. Also, the fajitas at Papa's & Beer on Hendersonville Road will change your life. As will Tupelo Honey's biscuits and jam.

Don't get me started on Brixx Pizza in Biltmore Park.

We've even got a couple of sports bars, and the Fat Cats billiards bar is simply top-notch if you're like me and prefer to scratch on the 8-ball on really nice, full-sized tables.

If you need to work off all those calories, we've got a YMCA and a Rush Fitness Center. The Rush is a little hard to find, what with the orange, purple and bright green color scheme.

Movies? Try two cinemas — the Biltmore Grande and the Carolina. Both are top-notch, and neither has ever busted me for hauling in six or seven boxes of candy every time I go to the movies.

Hey, I need to save my money for tools and éclairs.

This is the opinion of John Boyle. Contact him at jboyle@citizen-times.com.

This article originally appeared on Asheville Citizen Times: Classic Answer Man: Made-up questions about South Asheville