Coffee and Comfort group supports mothers who have lost a child

Francie Edgeworth, of Frankfort, Illinois, introduced herself to the other mothers and told them her 45-year-old son, Eddie Jurinek, died of a stroke nearly 10 years ago.

Edgeworth was one of about a dozen women who met last month as part of Coffee and Comfort, a grief group started by Diane Wendt and held at the Orland Park Christian Reformed Church, the fourth Wednesday of each month.

Each mother went around the table introducing herself, her child, sharing how long ago their child died and the cause of death. As the women introduced themselves, many cried recalling how hard May had been because of Mother’s Day and graduations.

Wendt listened to the women carefully, allowed them to express themselves and openly cry. Then, with a soft voice and at the right moment, Wendt offered comforting advice.

“There’s nothing easy about the road of grief, but it does get better believe it or not,” Wendt told a mother who shared her daughter died recently, just a few months after her son-in-law died.

Wendt, 80, started the grief group shortly after her 4-year-old son, Karl, died of a heart condition in 1977.

“I believe, in his four years, his life was complete. I do believe that because how God has used me since he died. It’s just amazing how this group has affected this community,” Wendt said.

When Karl died, Wendt said she had a 1-month-old son and a 5-year-old daughter, and she struggled with her grief while having to be present for her other two children.

About three years later, Wendt received a call from someone who said their friend’s child died and asked her to talk to the friend. That led to her meeting mothers at their homes or at restaurants to talk about the loss of a child.

“Then I thought, ‘maybe I should have these women meet each other.’” Wendt said.

She started inviting the women to her house and, as the group grew, they moved to a room at the Orland Park Christian Reformed Church.

“I don’t know whoever is going to walk through my door. I honestly don’t. Sometimes I can have two. Sometimes I can have 18. I just never know,” Wendt said.

Wendt eventually left her job as a nurse and became a grief counselor, ultimately having a private practice until she retired at age 75. Her focus has been to help the mothers realize it takes three to five years for the pain of losing someone to subside, and everyone grieves differently.

“There’s not one person that grieves the same. Feelings are mutual, like you go through the anger, the frustration, the tears, but you recycle that,” Wendt said. “Giving them hope. That’s my goal, is giving them hope.”

Even though Wendt and her husband moved to Sturgis, Michigan, in 2008, they still make the five-hour round trip monthly to hold the meetings.

After the women introduce themselves, Wendt asks them to share whatever is on their mind. During the May meeting, the mothers talked about the challenges Mother’s Day presented.

One mother, who faced her first Mother’s Day without her son, shared how much it meant that her husband and other son bought her a gift from the son who died.

Another mother shared how she was moved when her son gave her a card with a meaningful note inside and cooked her dinner, taking on the planning normally done by her daughter, who died this year.

Wendt ends each meeting with a different video about grief. Throughout the meeting, the women can grab handouts or books about grief and, of course, drink coffee. The women also started a photo album where they put in a picture of their child to commemorate them.

Edgeworth said she started attending the group shortly after Eddie died. Meeting with other mothers who understand her pain has helped her heal, she said.

“It’s the community of women who know what we’re going through,” Edgeworth said. “This helped knowing it’s going to be OK. It just makes you feel like you’re normal.”

Pat Prosapio, of Frankfort, said she’s been coming for 17 years, starting shortly after her 19-year-old daughter, Katie, died in a car accident.

The best part about the group, Prosapio said, has been saying Katie’s name after all these years.

“You miss just saying their name. I feel so comfortable here because the people understand the loss of a child,” Prosapio said.

Wendt said she will continue to lead the group as long as possible. But three women do fill in for her if she can’t make the drive from Michigan.

“I feel that as long as I can help these people and I have my mental faculties, I’ll keep doing this,” Wendt said.

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