College football’s hairy question: Why don't refs have flowing manes?

Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football (ESPN=UCF GameDay peace treaty sold separately):

[More Dash: Bobby Petrino’s downfall | Tua/Top QBs | Year 2 hot seat]

FOURTH QUARTER

A DASH SPECIAL INVESTIGATION: THE ONE GROUP IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL THAT NEVER HAS BIG HAIR

You can find big hair everywhere on the football field.

Receivers have it. Look at Laviska Shenault (31) of Colorado, who actually chose his athletic path based on the fact that if he played basketball in high school he would have had to cut his cascading braids. That steered him to football, where he was the best receiver in the college game until getting hurt in early October. The Buffaloes collapsed with him out – a clear case of hair today, gone tomorrow.

Defensive linemen have it. Michigan’s Chase Winovich (33) and Texas’ Breckyn Hager (34) are identically listed at 6-foot-3, 256 pounds, and they have matching cascading manes of blonde hair spilling out from under their helmets. That’s a bit eerie.

This year, even quarterbacks have it. Trevor Lawrence (34) of Clemson possesses the finest QB locks in the Palmetto State since Steve Taneyhill was at South Carolina. And don’t overlook Kentucky’s Terry Wilson, whose voluminous hair game is better than his vertical passing game.

And of course, one coach famously has it. Mike Gundy (35) of Oklahoma State needs no coiffuturistic introduction.

But you know who never, ever, ever has big hair? The officials (36). That’s who.

They also don’t have facial hair. Or visible tattoos. They all look like they sprang forth from a subterranean paramilitary incubator located near Huntsville, Alabama.

If anyone can remember a male college football ref with long hair, shaggy hair, dyed hair, braided hair or any other form of non-conformist hair, holler at The Dash. Even a mustache. Or a beard. Anything other than the universal off-duty police officer look.

An investigative deep dive into the situation — which consisted of emailing representatives of all the Power Five conferences — reveals no officiating hair conspiracy. Four of the five conferences said they have no policy on hair length or facial hair. The Pac-12, according to spokesman Dave Hirsch, doesn’t not have a “mandate” but there is an “expectation that our officials will be well groomed in all aspects of their appearance. With regards to hair length and facial hair: The cap must fit properly and hair will not be over the collar; a neatly trimmed mustache is OK. No beards allowed.”

A Minshew mustache would seemingly be especially OK. But also unlikely.

The only conclusion to be drawn from this rigorous Dash investigation: The officiating community is the single most straight-laced cross section of America.

STAT OF THE WEEK

What if your coach loves punting more than breathing, but is beaten at his own punting game? That’s what happened to Mark Dantonio (37) and Michigan State on Saturday against Ohio State. It was a sad tale.

Dantonio is a former Jim Tressel assistant, and nobody in the 21st century embraced the stultifying strategy of punting to win quite like Tress. Dantonio is a worthy heir to the Pontiff of Punting title — of the 10 teams that have punted the ball the most in 2018, only two have winning records: Northern Illinois and the Spartans.

But Urban Meyer has been known to enjoy a grim battle of field position on occasion himself, and Saturday in East Lansing was just such an occasion. In a game featuring 17 punts, Meyer punted most (9-8) and laughed last.

The irony is that it was the one punt Dantonio called off that started tipping the game irrevocably in Ohio State’s favor. Trailing 7-6 in the third quarter and continually backed up inside its own 5-yard line by the Buckeyes’ punting game, Dantonio finally cracked and took an intentional safety — ordering the snapper to fire the ball to Okemos and give Ohio State two points in an effort to avoiding giving it seven.

The strategy backfired when Michigan State shanked the ensuing kickoff out of bounds and promptly returned to field-position jail after another dagger Buckeyes punt. The Spartans fumbled in their own end zone, Ohio State recovered to make it 16-6, and at that point the game was basically over.

COACH WHO EARNED HIS COMP CAR THIS WEEK

Bill Clark (38), UAB. It’s hard to overstate the work he has done literally resurrecting a dead program. Shut down in 2015-16, the Blazers’ comeback reached its peak (for now) on Saturday when they beat Southern Mississippi in overtime to clinch the Conference USA West Division title. Two seasons after not existing, UAB is 9-1 and ranked No. 25 in the USA Today Coaches Poll — its first top 25 ranking ever.

“It’s a great feeling,” Clark said. “I’m so proud for the players, coaches, our staff, the community and all the people that fought so hard just to give us this opportunity. It really is that sweet. It really is that good.”

COACH WHO SHOULD TAKE THE BUS TO WORK

Mark Richt (39), Miami. The Hurricanes started the season ranked in the top 10 and now find themselves 5-5, on a four-game losing streak and in strong contention for Bust of the Year status. During the current losing streak the Miami offense has fallen apart completely, as Richt has vacillated between quarterbacks Malik Rosier and N’Kosi Perry.

In conference play, the Hurricanes are last in the ACC in pass efficiency, clocking in at a dismal 103.8 rating. Their 5.8 yards per attempt is a league low, and the only team with a lower completion percentage or number of touchdown passes is avowed non-passer Georgia Tech. Miami has thrown one touchdown pass and five interceptions during the current four-game losing streak.

If the ‘Canes lose their last two games, at Virginia Tech and home against red-hot Pittsburgh, their 5-7 record would equal the worst mark in the program in the past 41 years. Not really what fans were expecting in Richt’s third season.

POINT AFTER

The Dash is double-dipping on the New Orleans trip earlier this month, because the restaurant experiences there are simply that good. So: When hungry and in search for a great outdoor dining experience in the Crescent City, The Dash recommends a visit to N7 (40). The aura is French (N7 is a famous north-south highway in France), but with a New Orleans accent on it. Sit in the courtyard and order the cheese plate and habanero-smoked oysters, paired with a quality bottle of wine, and thank The Dash later.

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