Column: A major Chicago snowstorm? That’s what the media want you to believe!
Chicago media outlets are going on and on about a so-called “winter storm” expected to dump “5 to 9 inches of snow” on the “ground” by the end of the day Tuesday. But I’ve yet to see or hear a single television or radio interview featuring someone like myself who does not believe snow is real.
This is an outrage, and another example of the media trying to silence people like myself who hold the perfectly reasonable and defensible opinion that snow is a hoax. How can we ever unify our great city if my evidence-less opinion is not given equal time alongside alleged “meteorologists”?
Does it seem fair to you that I, a person who believes all snowfall measurements are hoaxes, should be muzzled? Why are the only voices we hear the ones coming from people who claim to have seen, shoveled or sled upon snow? How do we know they aren’t in the pocket of Big Parka?
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Columns are opinion content that reflect the views of the writers.
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I call on all Chicago-area TV and radio stations to put me on the air immediately so I can share my important viewpoint, which represents the views of literally ones of people and is supported by my very strong gut feeling that I’m right.
Media outlets across the country have shown how important it is to have people like me on the air to provide “balance” on issues ranging from whether coronavirus masks are tyranny to the entirely reasonable concern that the coronavirus vaccine is a plot by Bill Gates to insert microchips into our arms and turn us all into nerds.
Just this weekend, ABC News’ “This Week” had Sen. Rand Paul, a Republican from Kentucky, on to discuss his refusal to admit that the 2020 presidential election was not stolen.
Naturally, Paul brought the goods, and by “the goods” I mean a strongly held belief that cannot be supported by documents, court cases or facts. It’s like the evidence I have that snow is just a weather conspiracy created by a Florida tourism agency in the 1950s to convince people to build houses on fetid swamp land that would one day be surrounded by strip malls and meth labs. Do I have any tangible proof of that conspiracy? No, but I believe it with all my heart, and that means I have to be interviewed on television or “cancel culture” wins.
On “This Week,” Paul pushed back on George Stephanopoulos’ fact-supported assertion that the election was not stolen by saying this: “George, where you make a mistake is that people coming from the liberal side like you, you immediately say everything’s a lie instead of saying there are two sides to everything.”
Exactly. Everything has two sides. (It’s important to note that some believe everything has no sides and the Earth is flat. Those people must also be given equal time, because there are two sides to the issue of Earth shape.)
Some say snow is real because they see it and feel it and because their cars slide off the road when it’s falling. I say it’s not real because I grew up in a Florida strip mall and never saw it, and if my car slides into a ditch during a so-called “snowstorm,” I believe it was caused by God picking my car up and putting it where it needed to be.
If I tell you God chose to put my car in a ditch, are you going to tell me I’m wrong? How dare you question my faith! We can only settle this by yelling at each other on a television news program.
Some say it’s “dangerous” and “insane” to sprinkle glass shards on breakfast cereal and then use bleach instead of milk. But what about those who believe the combination of glass and bleach boosts the body’s immune system and is more effective at preventing COVID-19 than a face mask? Are you going to silence those people simply because their vocal cords were lacerated and they’re currently in the intensive care unit?
Of course not.
That’s why it’s so important, as Chicagoans face another “Oh no, it’s snowing!” con job, that I be put on the air to present the other side of the false “This is the city’s first major snowfall in two years” narrative.
I assure all television and radio producers I’ll make a convincing argument that snow is fake. If the interviewer tries to push back on my beliefs by noting that snow is falling on my head as I speak, I’ll explain there are two sides to everything and then later use the clip of the interview to show my like-minded supporters that I’m fighting back fearlessly against the mainstream media’s pro-snow agenda.
I’ll share that clip with my tens of thousands of social media followers then write about the experience in my newspaper column while claiming I’m being muzzled.
And before you know it, those of us who see snow for what it is — a thing that doesn’t exist — will feel emboldened. And our numbers will grow.
Because believing snow is fake is a whole lot easier than shoveling.
