Column: We will never surrender. The Golden Moutza of April is at hand.
Some people just can’t handle the pressure of helping to award the Golden Moutza.
“It gets harder every month,” complained Christine Erengis-Morley.
“After listening to your podcast with Charles Lipson, I’m so upset with what’s happening, John, I want to crawl into a hole,” said Angela Petropoulos Pappanastos. “I don’t know who to nominate first. ”
Harder indeed, and more difficult, too, with uncountable hordes of morons, idiots, fools and weasels coming at us, stretching to the far horizons. But still, you find me on social media and nominate your worthies. And today we award the Golden Moutza of April.
We are Americans. The Moutzatution considers free speech to be the water that nourishes a free republic. Hence, the open palm directed at an idiot, with the epic words “Nah!” (take it) or “Feesah Etho (blow on it) or many other phrases remind us we are still free, at least for now.
My friends, lend me your palms. We shall moutza on the beaches. We shall moutza in the fields and in the streets. We shall moutza in the hills and we shall never, ever surrender.
Reader Elaine Truver nominated Loveland, Colorado, police for “manhandling a frail 73-year-old woman with dementia after she tried to leave a Walmart without paying for about $14 worth of merchandise. Security footage from the police station showed him and other officers replaying the bodycam video and laughing about it. Nah!”
According to a lawsuit, she suffered a broken arm, dislocated shoulder and sprained wrist. The cops have been suspended, but that’s not enough. They should be stationed for years in nursing homes to reflect on their cruelty.
“Buona Beef for the beefless beef sandwich,” said Peter Bella, who like me is the son of a butcher. “It (beefless beefs) does a disservice to the Chicago tradition of sanguiches! Nah!
“So many worthy contenders for the April Golden Moutza of the Month,” says Tom Dattalo. “After much thought I have to nominate the Buona fake beef sandwich. Nah! Give me liberty and give me a Johnnie’s Beef. A large ice would be good too.”
The conga-line of worthies dances before us in mythological fury. And while I’m at it, who the heck came up with the idea to change “women” into “birthing people”? I’m seeing it again, just before Mother’s Day.
Nah!
And Tulane University asks Hunter Biden to lecture on “fake news”? Nah!
“If the Golden Moutza is awarded for exceptional stupidity, please accept this nomination of LeBron James,” says John Hanlon. “For posting a call to harm the Columbus police officer who saved a young woman from being stabbed, when in reality that officer should be being hailed for his heroism and quick action, he has displayed true worthiness of this estimable award. LeBron, ‘Blow on it.’”
James, a basketball star and famed political “influencer” did target the officer in a tweet but then took it down. That happened during the “let the kids have their knife fights” drama, as leftist pundits became crazed, condemning a Columbus, Ohio, officer for shooting a young woman who was about to stab another woman. With a knife.
“I nominate Valerie ‘let the kids have their knife fights’ Jarrett. Nah!” said Peggy Meskin Zabicki.
Jarrett did tweet that a Black girl was killed “because a police officer immediately decided to shoot her multiple times in order to break up a knife fight.” As if knife fights are no big deal.
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Columns are opinion content that reflect the views of the writers.
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But I bet she regrets it now.
“Easy, LeBron, Jarrett, Joy Reid, Joy Behar and all who think it’s fine, run-of-the-mill and even safe for youths to engage in knife fights,” said Danny Carlino. “Dunk on it, then BLOW ON IT. Just don’t stab it.”
Yes, a rabid dependency on tribal politics can lead to terrible side effects, like stupidity.
“I nominate the fishing guide who said, ’bring your rod over my head!’” said Bill Melonides.
That was a $900 Orvis rod. And he insisted I bring it up over his head to land that steelhead. It snapped. Not my fault. But it did earn me the rather fish-porn nickname “Johnny Two Rods,” now used liberally among sarcastic Chicago fly fishermen.
Joe Malez has his hand up. “I nominate Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey for allowing a racial slur about Sen. Tim Scott, the only Black Republican Senator, to trend on its site for 11 hours as he was attacked ... for saying ‘America is not a racist country’ in his rebuttal to President Joe Biden,” said Malez. “11 hours, really? To Mr. Dorsey, I say Nah!”
And Jack? Blow on it.
Pete Dittier nominated Portland, Oregon, Mayor Ted Wheeler “for now asking the public to help identify rioters so that police can arrest them. This after previously rebuking federal assistance last summer and saying he stood in support of the rioters. Nah!”
But what about Wheeler using the pepper spray on a protester who was harassing him? Hasn’t Portland taught us that protesters are above the law?
“How about the U-Haul driver of the year?” said David Klencker. “Not J.B. Pritzker, but the guy who hit the covered bridge in Long Grove, the 14th time since it was rebuilt. Nah!”
My question: What state was the driver moving to, as part of the Illinois Exodus?
They are all worthy, and U.S. Rep. Maxine Waters, too, for her threats against due process. But then I think of the Loveland Police Department for having officers who mock the elderly who have dementia. Don’t they have mothers? And Sunday is Mother’s Day.
Loveland PD? The Golden Moutza of April belongs to you. Let’s hear you laugh.
Blow on it.
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