A column about nothing — or, a column about Vice Presidents, Watergate and Mondays

Sometimes it is difficult for me to develop topics for this column. This month is an example. I have struggled for days to find a topic.

I thought about discussing Groundhog Day since this is my February article. But I could not get excited about it. That groundhog needs to sharpen his meteorological skills. The prediction always seems to be for more winter. We need a more intelligent animal.

(The groundhog did spawn a great movie, though.)

Then I remembered February is Black History Month. This is a broad topic for an 800-word column. I am not capable of doing Black history justice anyway.

When I told my wife I had writer’s block, she suggested I write about February being Presidents’ month. There’s a thought.

Presidents’ month boils down to a single day, the third Monday of each February. That makes it Monday, Feb. 21 this year. The day is in remembrance and recognition of former U.S. presidents. The holiday was initially celebrated on two separate days, and for only two presidents, Feb. 12, Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, and Feb. 22, George Washington’s birthday.

The two days were combined after 1971 with the passage of the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. I was disappointed with this policy. I was in grade school at the time and enjoyed having two separate days of celebration. My teachers always made a big deal of each day. Cupcakes, punch, candy, extra art activities making silhouettes of the presidents’ heads and American flags were routine.

The Uniform Monday Holiday Act taught me the meaning of the phrase, “We are from the government, and we are here to help.” It gave me my first beef with the government. Then came Watergate. I was young, but I knew that the Uniform Monday Holiday Act and Watergate had to be related. One led straight into the other. It is one of the biggest conspiracies of all time.

These events were kindling for the list of grievances I will air in retirement when I sit in a fast-food restaurant every morning with other retirees. “Back in my day, the government knew how to recognize great presidents on their birthdays. Then they combined the days, and everything fell apart, Watergate, Iran-Contra, etc.”

I digress, back to finding something to write about.

I thought about discussing Lincoln’s role in black history. However, that broadened that topic further. I researched Lincoln but found him a complex topic as it is hard to sort the facts from the fiction. Legendary figures generate piles of myths. Washington would be no different. The cherry tree story…come on.

As I researched Lincoln, I noticed something I had no memory of from my school days (probably too much punch, sugar high). Andrew Johnson was not Lincoln’s original vice president. He only served in Lincoln’s second term.

Lincoln’s first vice president was Hannibal Hamlin. Hamlin was a politician from Paris, Maine. He had been a newspaper editor, an attorney, a representative in the Maine House of Representatives, an officer in the Maine militia, and was twice elected to the United States House of Representatives before serving as vice president.

According to Wikipedia, a source that is always spot-on accurate, Hamlin was placed on the ticket because he switched from the Democratic to the Republican Party. Republicans were hoping to draw support from democrats with republican tendencies. Hamlin was also from the opposite end of the country. Lincoln hailed from Illinois, the west at that time, and Hamlin hailed from the east. And importantly, Hamlin was anti-slavery.

Hannibal Hamlin was replaced on Lincoln’s second presidential ticket because Andrew Johnson appealed to Southern Unionists. It was thought he was the better candidate for reuniting the country. I did not find a reference for how Hamlin felt about being replaced.

It probably was not the worst thing that ever happened to him. Johnson inherited a mess when he became president after Lincoln’s assassination. He would go on to become the first president to be impeached.

Hannibal Hamlin later served two terms in the U.S. Senate and served as the American Ambassador to Spain.

Hamlin did well, but I feel sorry for him. Vice President seems to be a thankless job at times. To serve and then get the boot appears harsh. I get the reasoning behind replacing him, but it is hard being demoted. The President of the United States is often considered one of the most influential persons in the world. It had to be tough to be next in line and be cast out.

After reading what I’ve written here, I feel it is like an episode of Seinfeld. Seinfeld was always described as “A show about nothing.” A lot is going on here, but you could make an argument that the article is about nothing in particular.

Dr. K. Jeffrey Miller is a chiropractor at Missouri Orthopedic Institute and the author of “The Road to Happiness Is Always Under Construction: 50 Activities for Creating a Positive Outlook.” His column publishes the first Friday of each month.

This article originally appeared on Columbia Daily Tribune: A column about nothing — or, a column about Vice Presidents, Watergate and Mondays