Colwell: This year's peek at the naughty and nice on Santa's list

As he does every year at this time, a very reliable source dropped off a list of the Christmas presents some prominent people will receive.

Although the source is in a position to know, I provide my usual warning. He looks kind of suspicious — has a long beard and goes around in a red costume, a weird getup with a tasseled hat and motorcycle boots — and keeps advocating some kind of annual giveaway plan.

His list:

President Biden — An ornament for atop the White House Christmas tree. It’s a lump of coal. He asked for it as a way to please Sen. Joe Manchin.

Vice President Kamala Harris — A desk plaque with the famed words of John Nance Garner about the worth of the vice presidency.

Donald Trump — “Monopoly, Trump administration edition.” The goal is to land on sites to build Trump hotels and accumulate “get out of jail free” cards.

Gov. Eric Holcomb — A lion tamer’s costume with whip and chair for dealing with the wild animals in the Indiana General Assembly circus.

Rep. Jackie Walorski — A copy of Santa’s list of naughty Democrats. Useful if she moves up in the majority to chair of the House Ethics Committee.

Rep. Fred Upton — A gold-plated shovel for groundbreakings at big billion-dollar Michigan highway projects and other infrastructure improvements he was instrumental in passing.

Sen. Todd Young — A paper shovel to use if he insists on attending groundbreakings at big billion-dollar Indiana highway projects and other infrastructure improvements he voted to kill.

Sen. Mike Braun — Play-Doh. Santa heard he likes to play around with dough when filing his campaign finance reports.

Pete Buttigieg — A commercial truck driver’s license so the transportation secretary can help personally to alleviate the supply chain crisis.

Buttigieg twins — For Penelope Rose and Joseph August, ornaments for their first Christmas tree in a Washington they can’t yet comprehend. Can anyone comprehend it?

Girl Named Tom — A national concert tour for “Tom” and her brothers.

Brian Kelly — Rosetta Stone for mastering a southern accent.

Marcus Freeman — A big bowl Santa once had on the list for Bayou Brian. It’s the Fiesta Bowl on New Year’s Day.

Tommy Rees — A volley cheer on high for choosing ideals over LSU deals.

The Grinch — Services of Rudy Giuliani for a campaign for mayor of Whoville. Advice will include never admitting he was wrong and denial that he ever took Christmas presents from the Whos.

Mayor James Mueller — Easy directions for hiring a highly qualified Citizen Review Board director: Do everything the opposite of the city clerk’s disastrous hire.

Mayor Dave Wood — A tape measure to make sure no desk in Mishawaka’s new city hall is bigger than the mayor’s.

Dr. Robert Einterz — The St. Joseph County health officer gets posters promoting: “The vaccines Donald Trump speeded to development.” Might convince more Trumpsters to get shots.

Jason Critchlow — Realtor services, needed if he wants to run in the county commissioner district from which he was gerrymandered.

Sen. Ted Cruz — Gift certificate for a stay in a luxury resort in Cancun, for use if Texas again suffers a terrible freeze.

Nancy Pelosi — The foam rubber gavel she wanted. If she has to turn the gavel over to a Republican after the fall elections, she wants it to be soft when wielded against her.

Joe Donnelly — An enthusiastic audience, not the type at a political rally but with Pope Francis.

Mike Pence — A framed copy of a petition to declare Jan. 6 a national holiday, Gallows Day.

Jack Colwell is a columnist for The Tribune. Write to him in care of The Tribune or by email at jcolwell@comcast.net.

This article originally appeared on South Bend Tribune: What some prominent people will receive from Santa.