Come on, Orlando, climb aboard the ‘Hate the Heat’ bandwagon | Commentary

Running off at the typewriter …

I’ll admit it, I’m extremely jealous of Dave Hyde, the sports columnist of our sister paper — the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Not only is Dave an eloquent writer, but he’s having a blast down there covering the championship runs of the two greatest underdog stories in sports — the Miami Heat and the Florida Panthers.

Both teams are No. 8 seeds that barely eked into the playoffs and are now just one win away from advancing into the NBA and NHL Finals.

Sigh.

Meanwhile, I’m back in Orlando waiting to cover the NBA Draft, where Magic fans are hoping once again that their team can hit it big with their perpetual lottery picks.

Because I’m a Florida native, I traditionally root for most all of the Sunshine State teams to do well no matter the sport. I root for UCF, Florida, Florida State and Miami in college football. I root for the Jaguars, Bucs and Dolphins in the NFL. I pull for the Tampa Bay Rays and the Miami Marlins in Major League Baseball. I cheer for the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Florida Panthers in the NHL.

However, I simply cannot bring myself to root for the Miami Heat. I feel it is the civic duty of all Orlandoans to root against the Heat. In fact, several years ago when LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined Dwyane Wade in Miami, I started a movement called H.A.T.E. — Heat Are The Enemy. Sadly, the movement fell flat because many Orlandoans were ignorant of history and didn’t really understand why they should hate the Heat.

The “Hate the Heat” movement actually started back in the mid-1980s when Philadelphia 76ers GM Pat Williams left his position to lead Orlando’s effort to get an NBA expansion franchise while Philadelphia 76ers head coach Billy Cunningham retired from coaching to lead the Miami Heat’s expansion effort.

As Williams once explained to me, it was believed the NBA would award Florida only one team. Williams and Cunningham, the former colleagues, became rivals and jockeyed for position with Williams — the king of the one-liners — hurling verbal grenades and getting under Cunningham’s skin.

“Crime is down in Miami; they’ve run out of victims,” Williams cracked during one of his speaking engagements.

An annoyed Cunningham called Williams and said, “Let’s keep this above board.”

Two of the state’s main columnists — Dave Barry of the Miami Herald and Bob Morris of the Orlando Sentinel — duked it out in print. At one point, Barry referred to Central Floridians as an uncultured bunch of “low-foreheaded, nose-picking yahoos.”

Even though both cities ended up getting expansion franchises, the Heat have flourished and the Magic have floundered. The Heat have won three NBA titles and are on the verge of a seventh appearance in the NBA Finals while the Magic have won no championships in two Finals appearances.

Even worse is this: The most depressing day in Magic history is the day Shaq left and took all of those potential championships with him to L.A. Later in his career, Shaq would join the hated Heat and help them win their first title.

“In my mind, the rivalry with the Miami Heat will never go away,” Williams told me Wednesday. “From my days in Philly, I used to hate the Boston Celtics. Anybody associated with the 76ers hated the Celtics. We used to hate Boston Garden. We used to hate Red Auerbach’s cigars. We hated everything about the Celtics. Which is why it was strange for me to be rooting for the Celtics to beat the Heat on Tuesday night in Game 4 and I’ll be rooting for the Celtics again in Game 5. In my mind, the Heat will always be Orlando’s biggest sports rival.”

That’s why you need to climb aboard, fellow Orlandoans, and come join us on the “Hate The Heat” bandwagon! …

SHORT STUFF: Speaking of the Heat vs. the Celtics: I’m not saying it’s a coaching mismatch, but Miami’s Eric Spoelstra is playing chess and Boston’s Joe Mazulla is playing “Go Fish.” … After LeBroom, er, LeBron and the Lakers got swept out of the playoffs by the Denver Nuggets, he made some cryptic comments making it seem as if he is considering retirement. Predictably, some media outlets then reported that “sources” have told them that James is seriously considering hanging up his sneakers. If you truly believe LeBron is going to retire, I’ve got a snow-skiing lodge on top of Mount Dora I’ll sell you. …

Did you see where NFL owners voted earlier this week on a new rule that will give the receiving team the ball at its own 25 with a fair catch of a kickoff anywhere behind that yard line? Translation: Because of safety issues, the NFL kickoff return is about to become more of an endangered species than the finless freshwater porpoise. … I think it’s great that USF’s Board of Trustees has approved a financial plan to build a $340 million on-campus football stadium, but the school’s chief financial officer told the Tampa Bay Times that some of the finances depend upon the team actually winning. Yikes! Considering the Bulls are 8-37 over the last four years, I’d call this the worst business plan since the subprime mortgage crisis. …

A moment of silence, please, Tina Turner has just climbed aboard That Big Riverboat Queen in the Sky. … And speaking of notable deaths, this from David Whitley of the Gainesville Sun: “RIP Jim Brown. Of all his athletic accomplishments, the most astounding was that he was making only $60,000 a year when he retired over a contract dispute with Cleveland in 1966. Browns QB Deshaun Watson now pays that much every week to massage therapists.” … I just saw where Nick Saban recently returned from a vacation in Italy. In related news, he secured a verbal commitment while taking a gondola ride with a 5-star linebacker from Venice’s Franchetti High School. Word is he also visited The Ruins of Pompeii, which reportedly reminded him of Auburn’s football program. … I’m not saying the national media is overcovering the Aaron Rodgers story, but you’d have thought A-Rodge’s slightly strained calf muscle on his first day of offseason practice with the Jets was more serious than Joe Theismann’s mangled leg. …

Why is everybody ripping Pittsburgh Steelers legend Ben Roethlisberger for openly admitting earlier this week that he was rooting for his successor — rookie QB Kenny Pickett — to fail? I give the man an ‘A’ for ‘Authenticity.’ Be honest; do any of us — no matter what job we work at — want our replacements to be more successful than we were? Not me! I hope the next Sentinel sports columnist is so dumb that he compares a championship-winning coach’s leadership style to that of the great Roman emperor Gluteus Maximus. … Gameball of the week: Florida State softball ace Kathryn Sandercock, who pitched a perfect game and led the Seminoles into the NCAA Super Regional with a 1-0 victory over South Carolina. Now you know why FSU’s mantra is, “It’s a lock with Sandercock!” … Goofball of the week: Three days after he was hired as Michigan’s assistant director of football recruiting, Glenn “Shemy” Schembechler – the son of legendary Wolverines coach Bo Schembechler – resigned when it was learned his Twitter timeline was littered with “likes” of numerous offensive posts claiming slavery and Jim Crow had a positive effect on Blacks. … My top three dream jobs: (3) Beer tester; (2) Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue photographer; (1) Fired NBA coach with three years remaining on his contract. …

LAST WORD: “I never said, ‘Well, I don’t have this and I don’t have that.’ I said, ‘I don’t have this yet, but I’m going to get it.’ ” — Tina Turner