Coming out in Fresno: For queer Latinos, supportive families are ‘bigger than everything’

Growing up, Fresno resident Jasmine Leiva remembers her mom making openly homophobic remarks about gay people. She also recalls her dad’s skepticism about her organizing work promoting LGBTQ+ rights.

Her parents, after all, are immigrants from El Salvador, “a very Catholic country,” Leiva said, where many LGBTQ+ people face violence and persecution.

So when it came time for Leiva, 36, who is queer, to introduce her girlfriend to her family, she was anxious about how they might react.

But that fear dissipated when Leiva brought her girlfriend to her family’s Thanksgiving gathering last year. When the family went around the table to share what they’re grateful for as part of their holiday tradition, Leiva’s mom said she was glad her daughter found someone that loves and cares for her.

“From where my mom came from,” she said, “this is somewhere that I never thought we would get to.”

Like Leiva’s mom, more and more Latinos are accepting of the LGBTQ community. A 2022 poll conducted by Axios-Ipsos Latino and Noticias Telemundo found that 62% of Latinos are accepting of LGBTQ community – a rate that increases with each subsequent generation born in the U.S. This growing acceptance comes at a time when more and more Latinos also identify as LGBTQ+, according to a separate 2022 Axios poll.

In the Central San Joaquin Valley, a region marked by its historically conservative political views, some Latino LGBTQ+ youth fear rejection from friends and family based on cultural ideas on gender roles and religious views, according to Jennifer Cruz, Fresno Economic Opportunities Commission’s LGBTQ+ Resource Center Manager.

“There’s still a lot of really traditional Hispanic families in this county,” Cruz said.

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Still, since commitment to one’s family is important in Latino cultures, supportive family members can make a huge difference in creating a welcoming environment for LGBTQ+ Latinos.

Leiva knows firsthand the struggles that Latino LGBTQ+ face in Fresno. She remembers being called slurs on campus while attending Edison High in southwest Fresno, where she and her friends founded the school’s first Gay-Straight Alliance club.

So Leiva knew that when she approached her family about being queer, they needed to unlearn their biases if they wanted to be in her life.

“I’m so blessed and happy that my mom did,” she said.

‘Tense and awkward’ family encounter for Latina drag queen

Growing up in a Mexican-American family, Cara Coronado, drag queen and lead host at Splash nightclub in Fresno, was “always a little extra colorful.”

She attended school in Clovis, where she found a passion for theater and dance. As a kid, she watched classic films like “Imitation of Life” and “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” with her mom, and developed a love of culture.

“I’ve been doing shows since I was like five,” she said with a laugh in an interview with The Bee. “I used to put on costumes and pretend to be Michael Jackson and perform on our fireplace.”

So drag felt like a natural step for Coronado, who first came across the art form at 21 years old. As part of drag, which originated in nineteenth century British theater, people dress up and perform, often in highly stylized ways, according to the National Center for Transgender Equality.

As lead host at Splash, she dons big hair, shiny costumes and full makeup as she commands crowds, dancing under a giant disco ball and singing songs such as the late Tejana singer Selena’s infectious cumbia tune, “Bidi Bidi Bom Bom.” She’s also a DJ and a show manager in charge of organizing all the drag shows at the popular Tower District nightclub.

But coming out as a drag queen to her parents wasn’t easy.

“It got a little tense and awkward,” Coronado said. “I think they thought I was wanting to transition,” she said, “but I kind of had to explain like, no, this is just a character, it’s an art form for me.”

With time, Coronado’s mom has warmed up to her drag.

“She has a lot of gay friends,” Coronado said, some who have seen her shows at Splash. And her dad recognizes that drag is a way for Coronado to make good money, she added.

Neither of her parents, however, have seen Coronado perform drag. While some family members still cast a judgmental eye, Coronado said that, overall, she feels privileged that her family is “mostly OK” with her drag persona.

“I have friends that … their parents completely cut them off, or that were kicked out and all of that,” she said, “It’s horrible.”

Jeffrey Robinson, the late revered leader in Fresno’s LGBTQ+ community known for spearheading the first Pride parade, said in a January 2022 interview with The Bee that he saw unique differences between his coming out experience and that of his Latino peers.

Robinson, who was married to a “proud Chicano,” said he saw an “an amazing, supportive, loving turnout by the Mexican-American community, the Latinx community that supports and loves their child.”

They may not like that their child was LGBTQ+, and they may struggle, but the family bond seems to outweigh their child’s sexual orientation, he said.

In his generation on the other hand, Robinson said coming out as a white, gay male meant that “most of us lost our family.”

Queer Latinos find community in Fresno

Queer Latinos in Fresno have sometimes had to separate their LGBTQ+ and Latino identities – something that is changing with time.

Leiva remembers having a conversation with her dad about her organizing work in opposition of Prop 8 – the California ballot initiative that sought to amend the state constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman. (The measure passed but was later ruled unconstitutional by a federal court.) “I’ll never forget my dad being like, ‘instead of fighting for those people, you should be doing stuff for our community,’” she said.

His comments, she said, echoed what she’d heard a lot from queer people of color.

Leiva said that some queer Latinos feel like they have to diminish their cultural identity in queer spaces, and, conversely, have to diminish their queerness in Latino spaces. But she thinks that separation is changing as more queer people of color come together and create safe spaces.

“I think that’s changed a lot,” she said.

Coronado said based on the clientele she sees at Splash, more and more Latinos are comfortable embracing their LGBTQ+ identities.

“I see so many more queer Latino people celebrating their Latino roots,” she said. When DJ-ing at Splash, she said, “right before I play Mexican music… I always ask if the Latinos are there and it’s the biggest roar.”

For Leiva, one of the most liberating experiences is dancing with her queer friends to the cumbia music that she grew up with.

“To be yourself and queer and still be connected to your culture,” she said, “those are some of the freest moments I’ve had.”

One place she’s experienced this is at the Red Lantern, a gay nightclub on Belmont and Maple avenues in Fresno. Leiva remembers walking into the club on a country-themed night and seeing groups of Mexican men wearing cowboy hats and boots as they danced to ranchera songs.

“It’s so Fresno,” she said, “I love it.”

Spanish-speaking parent struggles with pronouns

Both Leiva and Coronado think acceptance of LGBTQ+ communities is improving among Latinos in Fresno.

“We’ve come a long way from that traditional idea of what a Hispanic or Latino man or woman has to be,” Coronado said, due in part to Latino artists, like superstar Bad Bunny, who have embraced gender fluidity.

Still, Cruz of the LGBTQ+ Resource Center said that the trangender and nonbinary community is still under attack by politicians at the national and local level, and that more mental health resources are needed to support LGBTQ+ youth.

As for Leiva, she’s currently working with her mom to better understand gender pronouns for when her nonbinary friends come over.

“I’m like, ‘OK, let’s practice,’” Leiva said with a laugh. “English is my mom’s second language, so she already struggles with pronouns.”

While her mom sometimes makes mistakes on peoples’ preferred pronouns, Leiva thinks it’s “so cool” that her mom makes an effort to understand.

Ultimately, that love between parent and child should transcend any biases a family might have towards LGBTQ+ community, Leiva said.

“I think what runs deeper is the capacity to love your children,” she said, “it’s bigger than everything.”

This is part of a series on Stop The Hate, a project funded by the California State Library.

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