COMMENT: When a man loves a woman, love her dog, too

HAD my late dog been left in charge of my dating choices, I’d still be single. He was a Dobermann. And he peed on people. To his credit, he didn’t discriminate. He was blind to race, gender, sexuality and age. He peed on everyone.

According to a UK survey in April, my dog’s urine samples should have determined my girlfriends. A poll found that two-thirds of people would dump a partner or reject a second date if their dog or cat didn’t take a shine to a new person in their life. Well, my dog cocked his leg against every new person in my life.

Obviously, I ignored my dog’s judgement, largely because he was an incontinent canine, not Judge Judy, and there’s a tendency to go overboard in the humanising of our furry friends. Duke, my loyal Dobermann, was a devoted companion throughout my difficult teenage years. But he also ran into glass doors.

He wasn’t picking my future wife.

But millennials and Gen Z are utilising their pets in the dating game, sending them out on fact-finding missions across the various tech platforms. A pet may not be a good judge of character – my dog would’ve kneeled before Attila the Hun for a bowl of tripe - but younger people are slyly passing judgement on possible pet lovers.

According to a survey on dating app Bumble, two in five millennials and Zoomers in Singapore would consider co-owning a pet with their partner. An impressive 32 per cent of millennials felt more connected with someone with a cute dog picture on a dating app. And one in five singles preferred dating dog lovers.

Frankly, these findings seem infinitely more sensible than leaving the fate of a new relationship to Charlie the Chihuahua having a quick sniff of a date’s crotch.

Wellness component in pet ownership

A poodle pic is an obvious gateway to a shared interest, with younger people using tech to streamline the protracted and occasionally excruciating matchmaking business. It makes sense. My sister always says she couldn’t love anyone who wasn’t a dog lover. But then my Dad always said he couldn’t love anyone who wasn't a West Ham United fan.

Previously, one needed to meet a fellow dog walker in the park or, in the case of my father, reject any woman who couldn’t name West Ham’s starting XI.

Dating apps provide a shortcut in the filtering process, an early insight into a stranger’s personality. A fellow dog owner says something about their nurturing character, hopefully, and shows a determination to make sacrifices for those around them.

And there are lots of them now. Two years ago, I wrote a children’s book on responsible pet ownership for NParks as the numbers continue to rise. According to a CNA report, the number of dog licences in Singapore rose from 70,000 in 2019 to around 87,000 in 2022, while the pet dog population in Singapore is approximately 114,000 in 2023, an increase of almost 3 per cent from 2019.

There’s a wellness component to pet ownership that cannot be underestimated. In a 2021 study, 89 per cent of pet owners in Singapore felt the relationships had a positive impact on their mental health, a view that I’m fully on board with.

As a teenager, my brief respite from school bullies only came when I ran home at lunchtime and played with the dog. He was the most attentive counsellor a bullied boy could've wished for – and the only one that scratched his balls. (The dog’s, not mine. We weren’t that close.)

In Singapore, the rise of pet groomers, wellness clinics and luxurious cremations sound excessive only to those who’ve never had a warm and giving relationship with a pet. We even cremated our hamster and returned home with a miniature urn, which confused neighbours who thought we were keeping the ashes of the world’s smallest relative.

But I was fortunate to share that experience with a partner who didn’t feel silly about sobbing along Whitley Road whilst hugging a tiny urn filled with a hamster’s ashes. Relationships are deepened in such fragile moments and if millennials and Zoomers can nurture similar connections through a dog picture on a dating app, why be sniffy about it?

Be thorough in pet-loving vetting process

If anything, the tech should go deeper into the pet-loving vetting process. A cute pooch picture only partially tells the story. How deep is the love for four-legged animals and other species allowed into the Singaporean home, as stipulated by the rules and regulations of HDB? How to differentiate the real pet owners from the fakes?

In July, a UK survey of 2,000 dog owners revealed that 28 per cent admitted they’d walked off without picking up the little one’s excrement. And more than one in ten owners (14 per cent) sheepishly revealed that they’d never cleaned up after their dog.

Now there’s a conversation starter on a first date... “I must say, you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. Also, do you clean up your dog’s crap?”

It’s a serious question. You want to know if you’re going out with a responsible, kind-hearted pet owner who’s engaged for the long haul and not prepared to outsource - or neglect - the dirtier bits of a relationship at the first opportunity. If he or she is willing to leave the poop behind for others to clear, then head for the nearest exit.

Check the pet empathy is sincere and not manufactured for "aw-shucks" doggie photos and Instagram likes and separate the selfless from the feckless (and the scam artists mimicking your love of cockapoos to get your credit card details.)

Make sure the vetting process is thorough, because it’ll be worth it when you find the one. The one who puts others first. The one who throws on a glove, bends over and scoops up that steaming turd without any sense of embarrassment. The one who understands the value of a canine companion for a bullied child. The one who shares the grief as you carry home a hamster’s ashes. The one who gets it. The dogs. The cats. The rabbits, hamsters and goldfish. All of them. They just get it.

Pets can be a wonderful way to forge a connection with an animal-loving kindred spirit. Just don't take it personally, if your partner’s dog pees up your leg.

Neil Humphreys is an award-winning football writer and a best-selling author, who has covered the English Premier League since 2000 and has written 28 books.

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