You could be an El Paso Mexican if: Ramón Rentería

Ramón Rentería
·2 min read
Ramón Rentería, 2000.

March 10, 2012

Ramón Rentería \ El Paso Times

Let's have some fun.

A friend suggested it is time for another of those "You could be an El Paso Mexican" columns.

That's easy for him to say, considering he doesn't get all those nasty emails, phone calls and online comments from all the humorless hatemongers.

Sometimes, a little laughter helps us temporarily forget the craziness in Sunland Park or whether solar storms gone wild will cripple our smartphones.

So, whatever -- here we go. You could be an El Paso Mexican if:

You dodge stray bullets while shopping in Downtown El Paso.

You play beer pong during a baby shower.

You think Walmart is your second home (especially on Thursdays).

You invite 85 primos, tíos, tías and friends to a Peter Piper party meant to seat only 35 people.

You fix the broken driver's side rearview mirror on your clunker with Duck Tape.

You fold and recycle all the tissue paper from the gifts at your granddaughter's birthday party.

You hear qué lleva and pásele every day.

You have a sister, tía or abuelita who walks into Walmart on a Sunday afternoon wearing pajamas.

You repeat the same story over and over and you're not even drunk yet.

You file your nails at the Walmart checkout counter while the rest of us watch.

You line up for anything free (doughnuts, ice cream, pancakes or hamburgers) other than government cheese.

You wake up early to steal the Kohl's 10 percent discount coupon in your neighbor's newspaper.

You make yourself a loan from your children's birthday money cards.

You take your young children to an R-rated film because you couldn't find a baby sitter.

You wear spaghetti straps and not much else just to look in style while the rest of us are freezing.

You argue at the 20-item checkout counter with a basket that's obviously over the limit.

You drive too slow in the fast lane and force everybody else to pass you on the right.

You plaster your car with those annoying political, religious or look at my smart child stickers.

You tie the mattresses you just bought on top of your compact car.

You think you still look good in Spandex pants after five babies.

The good thing about being Mexican is that most of us can laugh at ourselves and the foolish things we do and say.

This article originally appeared on El Paso Times: You could be an El Paso Mexican if: Ramón Rentería