I couldn’t make my son quit skipping school. Missouri made me pay for his misbehavior | Opinion

The repeated knocks at the front door were unexpected.

Bang, bang, bang.

I thought, who in the world is knocking on my door like the police? My heart dropped when I looked through the peephole to see who was there.

It was the police.

Outside the two-bedroom apartment in south St. Louis I shared with my son, Toriano II, stood two officers in plain clothes. Both wore badges on lanyards around their necks. Guns were holstered to their hips. I hadn’t knowingly broken the law. I was surprised to learn I was being cited for truancy due to my son’s penchant for skipping school.

I was reminded of that frightful day nearly 17 years ago by a recent ruling from the Missouri Supreme Court. This week, the state’s highest court upheld a law that allows parents to be jailed for their children missing too many days of public school.

Back then, I was a 32-year-old single father of three trying to make ends meet. The younger Toriano was a 13-year-old frequent runaway. And he left home without permission more than I would like to remember. It was a trying time. I often felt helpless. I prayed daily he would return home safely.

A friend suggested I make a police report each time he left. Protect yourself, they told me. You want a report on file to alert authorities of his status as a runaway, they said.

It didn’t matter.

Cut class more than 70 times in seventh grade

The younger Toriano’s wayward ways affected his education. He missed more than 70 days of school as a seventh-grade student. In Missouri, a student must attend school regularly, according to the state’s compulsory attendance law.

If a minor between 7 and 17 repeatedly ditches school, legal trouble awaits. Both adults and children could find themselves in hot water. My son and I had to answer for his choices.

Many of us would agree, a child’s parent or legal guardian should be responsible for their kid’s education. But what if a child defies their mom or dad, and misses school on their own accord?

Doesn’t matter, I recall the cops in front of me saying. In Saint Louis Public Schools, a caretaker is referred to municipal court after a child is absent 10 or more days, I was told.

School district officials also notified the Missouri Department of Social Services’ Children’s Division and reported my child as truant with the city’s juvenile court.

I shuddered at the thought of being locked up because of my child’s own irresponsible behavior. We were offered little in terms of support. A school counselor did not work with me to rectify the issue.

No parenting class was made available to me. A mental health or behavioral evaluation for my child was nonexistent.

It was me against the law and guess who won?

Father faced jail time, heavy fines

“To knowingly permit a child to be absent from school, without a legitimate, documented excuse, is against the law,” according to the St. Louis Circuit Court.

I told the cops: I have proof my boy was missing, though. They were unmoved. I was ticketed. In court, I pleaded my case with a St. Louis judge. My son habitually leaves home without approval, I told her.

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked.

The judge countered: “Ground him,” she said. “Take away his privileges.”

The young teen didn’t care about being punished or having a video game console taken from him, I told the judge. She didn’t budge.

Despite documentation that Toriano II was a repeat runaway, I was found guilty of truancy. I faced jail time of up to 15 days — two weeks! — and a hefty fine: $25 per day for every day he missed more than 10. Any time in jail is too much time.

The penalty was steep. At the time, I worked as a cashier at my uncle’s convenience store. I was paid $6.25 per hour. I couldn’t afford to pay the fine even if I wanted to.

“I don’t have that type of money, Your Honor,” I recall saying.

I was deathly afraid of being locked up. What about my other children? My younger son was in kindergarten and rarely missed school. Because I worked nights, I was the primary caregiver for my infant daughter during the day.

How fair was it to them that Dad could be jailed? It wasn’t. I avoided jail by paying a small chunk of the fine over the course of three years.

In 2009, the younger Toriano was fatally shot in north St. Louis. He was 16 when he died. After I produced a death certificate to St. Louis Municipal Court, the financial penalty was lifted and the balance was forgiven.

Thank goodness. Being rid of that financial burden was at least a small solace in my grief.

Other single parents around the state haven’t been as fortunate.

Family struggles don’t move Missouri supreme court

Just this week, when the Missouri Supreme Court upheld the state’s attendance law, it sent a message: Get those babies to school or else.

In my opinion, neither the ruling nor state law takes into account adults struggling with family issues that school officials may not be aware of.

There are exceptions to the mandatory attendance requirements, as there should be. What if illness prevents a child from attending school on a regular basis and the family can’t afford health care or produce a doctor’s note?

Too bad.

Do extenuating circumstances such as homelessness or financial hardships matter? In this state, the answer is presumably no, child welfare advocates told me.

Having a parent who is probably already struggling when placed under arrest put on trial and threatened with jail is infinitely worse for a child, said Richard Wexler, executive director of the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform, a Virginia-based nonprofit. In my case, the threat of jail was real.

“This is a good microcosm of how family policing works: The family police get on their high horse, hold the weakest among us in contempt, take a swing at so-called bad parents — and the blow lands on the children,” he said.

Education is a passport to a better life, I often told Toriano II. I implored him to take his schooling seriously. If Dad goes to jail for his defiance, how could I care for him or his siblings? He seemed unconcerned. His actions showed he was not interested in being a normal middle school student.

I firmly believe that a child should be in school every day that school is in session. I was devastated that my son was truant. But there was little I could do. No parent should fear jail time for situations beyond their control.

Educators, social workers, legislators, law enforcement officials and judges in Missouri must work together to keep families intact.