Daddy Days: Through the looking glass
What do you think about mirrors? Some people love them, some hate them, and some are hated by them.
Every kid I’ve ever known has been interested in them. Whether they thought they had found a friend, been stunned to see themselves or were fascinated by seeing a million fractal reflections in a three-panel medicine cabinet mirror, the fascination with mirrors is strong with kids.
A lot of adults don’t like mirrors. Even if some do, no one likes a mirror thrust in their face when they’re unprepared for it or particularly messy. If you don’t believe me, just shove a mirror in front of your wife’s face while she’s in the middle of labor. You can file that one under "Things You Will Only Do Once."
Nature has a way of putting a mirror in front of your face, too. It’s called having children.
Seeing your kids mimic you (or having others tell how they did) is not so different from having a mirror turned on you in the middle of your worst moments. You’re never mirror-ready when a toddler’s temper tantrum suddenly reflects back a temper that’s a bit too familiar. Or when your tweenager adopts a supercilious body posture as he’s bossing his younger brother around and the mirror is reflecting an a-bit-too-on-the-nose round of charades.
Whether it’s a hereditary characteristic or a learned one, it’s going to be easy to recognize because you’re the source, right? Well, much like a toddler thinking the child staring back at him in the mirror is his friend, perhaps the situation is a bit deceiving.
The assumption here is that we parents are self-aware enough to pick up on these sorts of things but that’s probably not the case. For another, it’s often someone else telling you how a particular mannerism or action your kid is doing reminds them of you. Perhaps our proximity to the subject impacts our ability to clearly see our little reflections more than we think.
It definitely impairs our ability to judge fairly. When I do spot them, I’m certainly quicker to see negative traits than positive traits that have been passed along. I guess positive-trait spotting is what good wives and grandparents are for.
There’s another side to all this mirror business though, and I’m not talking about two-way mirrors. Even if you don’t like mirrors or you’re unprepared to see your reflection, seeing yourself can still be helpful. Who hasn’t been saved from an embarrassing moment by a well-timed glance in the mirror? I don’t think the “What? Do I have something in my teeth?” joke is so common in movies because it’s unrelatable.
Well, getting to see your own little reflection show up in your kids often, and in unplanned ways, is something like that. “So that’s what I look like. Huh.” It may not be a flattering realization but it can be a reality check.
Even if the ship has sailed on changing some unflattering characteristic or flaw for yourself, you can still help your little reflections. At least, with all the mirrors around here, I sure hope so. Harris and his wife live in Pflugerville with their six sons. Please email comments or suggestions for future columns to thoughtsforcaleb@gmail.com.
This article originally appeared on Austin American-Statesman: Daddy Days: Through the looking glass
