It's like the dam broke and the mean flowed out: Where do we go from here? | Opinion

I've never met Bridget Fonda and doubt I ever will.

But after seeing a viral tabloid photo of a woman who's allegedly the now-58-year-old actor, I wanted to scoop Fonda or whoever that is or isn't into my arms, give her the hug way too many of us need right now — and not say a word.

When and how are we going to stop this toxic meanness? When did we let that invisible dam break, the one that held back words meant to wound?

Take that aforementioned viral photo, for example. If indeed that's Fonda, as countless people pointed out in blatantly unkind ways, yes, she's gained weight. And let her hair go gray, and doesn't look like she did in "Single White Female," any more than anyone reading this looks like they did 30 years ago.

More: Yes, I often wear a mask. No, not because I don't trust my vaccinations | Opinion

Or consider the recent plea of "Bridgerton" star Nicola Coughlan for people to quit commenting about her body: "It's really hard to take the weight of thousands of opinions on how you look being sent directly to you every day," she wrote on Instagram.

When, and why, did so many of us decide to model such hateful behavior, especially with our words, and make no bones about it?

I'm not talking about the stalkerazzi, photographers who track down celebrities and hold them up for shaming and blaming. That's what they do. Or about the psychology of people who've felt like they didn't have a voice finally feeling they do, though that well could be part of it.

I'm not talking about COVID-related stress, either. As mental health experts have wisely pointed out: We're pandemic-fatigued. We're irritable. We're stressed. But snapping in frustration and then apologizing for our behavior — not the mean I'm talking about.

Rather, I'm talking about the evolution of in-your-face, everyday mean. Mean that has no filter and touches every aspect of life. It seems to come so easily now to so many, young and old, on social media and in public meetings over heated topics, whether it's how we look, or who we love, or politics or religion or the intersection of the same.

It's the kind of mean that can rise to cyberbullying, causing someone embarrassment or humiliation, or, as spelled out at stopbullying.gov, crossing the line into unlawful or criminal behavior.

More: Brevard-based kindness logo, movement spreading ... are you on board? | Kennerly

The kind of mean that drives kids who don't realize how beautiful they are and adults with well-earned age lines to feel pressured to filter selfies. To strive for perfection in a much-blemished world. Or worse, to consider suicide.

The kind of mean where presidents and politicians model behavior we'd hopefully not see in children, using vulgar, mocking language.

Where Miss USA 2019, Cheslie Kryst, a young Black lawyer and activist who struggled with depression and died by suicide recently, was, after her win, the target of social media trolls who sent vomit emojis and death threats.

Where a brilliant "Jeopardy!" champion, Amy Schneider, faced transphobic comments that led her to tweet, with humor and grace: “I’d like to thank all the people who have taken the time, during this busy holiday season, to reach out and explain to me that, actually, I’m a man."

More: One Senior Place: Bullying is surprisingly common among seniors, including at assisted living facilities

Happily, regarding that photo of a woman nearing 60 who has the audacity to gain weight, Twitter was filled with positive comments, too, and much-needed discussion of body-shaming. Schneider's fans, as well, blanketed social media with huge support.

I see kindness as a movement at Tropical Elementary School, where a "kindness initiative" encourages children to, well, be kind.

And of course, "mean" is subjective. And timeless. And despite faulty memories of some of my contemporaries, there were bullies among us decades ago. We just didn't have iPhones.

When, in modern times, did that damn dam actually break for you?

For me, it started cracking in the early '90s pre-online newspapers, on my first reporting job and first story, when a reader told me to find Jesus and included a Bible tract in her letter.

I started meeting trailblazing trolls in the late '90s, when I was a chat host on Nick at Nite's first website.

By early 2000, at a newspaper in Indiana, I was called a "homosexual lover" and much worse by email when I reported on a Fortune 500 company offering domestic partner benefits.

Now I'm in my 60s and the comments, snarkier than ever, are often ageist. Once, a man wrote on a former colleague's page that it was obvious my hair was dyed. I wore red shoes on TV: You're too old to wear red shoes, I was told. I smiled for a photo: Your teeth aren't shiny white, I heard. More recently, it was "You should cover that spot on your nose" and again: "Find Jesus."

My husband often refers to what he calls "American Idol mentality," the misguided notion that every one of us should voice a vote, or opinion, on everything, from who gets booted off the island to whether I should wear red shoes (I will, trolls. Watch me).

I vote for this: How about, even when we have serious issues with someone, we don't express our feelings in a way meant to belittle that person?

How about, as my Grandma Bess said, not letting everything that comes into our heads come out of our mouths — or, updated for 2022, off the tips of our fingers?

Let's try this, just for giggles, too: How about not arguing so much about our constitutional right to say whatever we want whenever we want, and think more about what we're saying? About the value and veracity of the message. About what it will sound like on the receiving end.

I know, I know.

It's not going to rebuild that dam. That thing's floating at sea by now.

But one kind word after another, or sometimes, simply saying nothing at all ...

It's a start.

Contact Kennerly at 321-242-3692 or bkennerly@floridatoday.com. Twitter: @bybrittkennerly Facebook: /bybrittkennerly.

Support local journalism and become a subscriber. Go to floridatoday.com/subscribe

This article originally appeared on Florida Today: In a flood of meanness, how do we keep our head above water? | Opinion