From Darkness to Resilience: Dickinson business owner's journey through grief, lupus and depression
Jul. 28—DICKINSON — Emily Vernlund, a Killdeer native and local business owner, has published a captivating book chronicling her inspiring journey of overcoming grief, lupus, obesity, and depression. The title reads, "Finding Perspective Through 9/11: A single mom's journey through depression, death, lupus, and finding the will to survive."
Local radio legend and BEK Dakota Cowboy host Bill Palanuk said he couldn't set the book down once he picked it up.
"There are so many layers of therapy in that book... There are so many different types of people who have issues that the book could help," Palanuk said. "She was a happy teenager, then got lupus, her mom died, and all that. She sunk to about as low as anybody could ever get. Then she pulled herself up by the bootstraps and rose above it all."
Her mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in November 2021 and died less than a month later. It was a rough year. A few months prior, she was arrested for DUI and decided to quit drinking. She had been using alcohol as a crutch to cope with depression and the stress of her divorce.
"When I quit drinking, I started seeing things differently. You kind of get a little sense of clarity about things," she said.
Emily said watching documentaries about the 9/11 Islamic terrorist attacks, hearing about the emotional devastation and recovery of the victims was empowering in pushing through her own trauma. Starting a blog in early 2022 also helped her cope with the grief.
In particular, she found solace later that year listening to the story of Julie Sweeney Roth, whose husband Brian left her a moving
voicemail
before his plane crashed into the World Trade Center.
"I contacted her like a crazy person. I sent her a video of me that was like, 'Hey, I can't explain any of this, what's going on, but... My mom just died of cancer. I kind of think I'm losing my mind. But I had this feeling I need to reach out to you, and I need to meet you. And I can't explain why,'" she recalled.
Despite not hearing back from Julie, Emily still resolved to embark on a trip to New York City after having a spiritually powerful dream.
"I still knew that I had to go to New York because my mom came to me in a dream and said, 'You need to go to the memorial.' And in the dream she told me, 'I have something waiting for you there,'" she said. "This was my biggest testament of faith I've ever had in my life. When I say I leaned in, I had nothing planned... So the night before I'm leaving, my bags are packed. Everything's ready to go. Julie Sweeney contacts me."
She described their meeting as a heartwarming moment.
"We're sitting in the street bawling our eyes out, having an incredible, cathartic, and powerful moment," she said.
The book is dedicated to Julie and her family.
Julie gave Emily her exclusive ticket to a memorial event for survivors and families of the victims. Here she gleaned transformational wisdom from one of the women she met.
"I don't know why, but it just clicked when she said, 'I knew no one was coming.' It's such a simple sentence... But it was like a lightning bolt went through me like, 'Oh, my God. No one's coming. You've got to save yourself,'" Emily said. "You go there and see these people who were like oh yeah (9/11) was just a day, we're good now."
She said this is part of the reason she has her sights set on becoming an inspirational public speaker. She's an ambitious woman, with plans to publish another book too.
"It was the biggest blessing of all time. It woke me up. It changed the entire course of my life. And I want to have that impact on someone else," she said. "I just want to help people heal."
She felt so inspired taking in beautiful scenery from the Brooklyn Bridge and Central Park, then sat down and poured her feelings into her laptop. She missed her flight but said she managed to finish the book in 24 hours.
"It's like it was the Holy Spirit. I can't explain it. I've never written a book. I just sat down and started writing. It just came out. It was like my brain needed to process and this is what came out of it. You know, I think this is truly just a written document of a grief process," she said of her 133-page memoir. "I came home a different person."
Working with a therapist to grapple with all of her hardships was an important step on her road to a brighter future. She learned how to have healthier relationships by no longer living as a people-pleaser.
"I would always kind of sacrifice my own to make sure that people were happy... You just set boundaries, and that was a new thing that I've learned as a 35-year-old woman," she said. "Setting those boundaries began protecting my mental health. And that is something that I want to be, is a mental health advocate. I want to change the stereotypes with it, I want to change the stigma."
Vernlund runs a business venture located at St Joe's Plaza called Midwest Cryo & Aesthetics. Here she offers
cryotherapy,
a cold temperature treatment designed to help with pain, obesity and joint mobility among other ailments. MCA also provides EMS (electrical muscle stimulation), light therapy, thermal treatment, teeth whitening and spray tanning. Recently she's experienced a summer slump, but is staying positive.
"July has been a slow month," she said. "But that's just business."
She found cryotherapy and healthy eating to be essential in mitigating her
lupus
symptoms. Emily described how she suffered for years and erroneously assumed that suffering was inevitable.
"When you have lupus you're sick almost every day... My hips were just like an 80 year old woman and at the time I was 30 years old. It was miserable," she said. "Well, I just started reading. We have access to so much information right now. That's what I mean by saving yourself. There are resources available that are free. But you have to be willing to take charge."
An innocently unfiltered question from her son, who is now 7, prompted change.
"When my son was like, 'Why are you so much fatter than the other moms?' I didn't have an answer for that, you know, and that bugged me," she said, and tearfully elaborated that now she's able to be active with him. "When you're that heavy you don't enjoy playing and running around. You're out of breath... But now we play and he notices that. He says things like, 'Mom I love that you jump on the (trampoline) with me now.' It's those little things that have just made it this gigantic cherry on top."
She improved her nutrition, but didn't try to do it overnight and believes that improved her odds. This started with intermittent fasting, eating whatever she wanted between noon and 7 p.m. She gradually incorporated healthier foods. Emily has lost 100 pounds over the past year. (People should always consult a doctor before beginning intermittent fasting.)
"That's how I like, tricked my mind into doing it," she said, adding that cutting sugar was also a game changer. "With little changes like that, things started to improve and all my lupus symptoms started to improve. Every now and then I'll get a flare up, but they're few and far between. I used to get them five times a week."
She explained that another pivotal aspect in healing has been making peace with the past and letting go of resentments, including those from her divorce. She said she has a great co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband.
"I want my son to have a good dad. He is good, he's a great dad. It's just that he and I weren't good partners together. And there's not a single ounce of slight in that. What I mean is we had such different dreams," she said.
Emily traced the core of her now better life to shedding an attitude of self-pity.
"The root of it is accountability. Because, before I went to New York, as much as I hate admitting this, I think I had much more of a victim mindset, kind of woe is me. Why is this happening to me? Why did my mom die? Why do I have lupus? I feel like those were all valid feelings but they were still selfish, victim mentality feelings," she said.
To learn more or purchase a copy of the book, visit
