DAVID MURDOCK COLUMN: On lists, endless lists

I cannot resist a list — lists are my kryptonite. To paraphrase Dottie’s remarks about her sister Kit’s propensity to swing at high fastballs in “A League of Their Own,” “Can’t hit ‘em.  Can’t lay off ‘em.” I will stop and read any list that I see on the internet, about anything in which I’m remotely interested, but I can’t come up with lists of my own, especially ranked ones.

What prompts this column? I just saw a list by Jonah Rice on MovieWeb: “The 25 Funniest Movies Ever Made.” Well, of course I’m going to read that one. It’s not a bad list at all. I’ll quibble with a few choices, but those quibbles are mostly due to taste. There was only one choice which I really question.

That list is at least the second one ranking movies I’ve read this morning on my daily “internet tour,” maybe the third. Just in the past few days, I’ve perused lists of movies and books — lots of ‘em — and lists on historical subjects and cat breeds. See what I mean? I can’t resist a list.

The internet brought this kryptonite into my daily life, but it’s not the origin story. When I started college, I ran across “The Book of Lists” in the library and was immediately fascinated. That book — by David Wallechinsky, Irving Wallace, and Amy Wallace — was right up my alley. There was “The Book of Lists 2,” and later “The Book of Lists 3,” but I fell in love with the original. Now, here’s the odd thing:  as much as I loved that book, I never bought a copy … until a few minutes ago.  There’s an “all in one” volume, and it’s on its way.

While doing research for this column, I found a 2014 article on the CNN website, an interview with Wallechinsky by Todd Leopold.  The title got it right: “The man who invented the Internet (well, sort of).” Fascinating read. Leopold asserts that the book’s “… impact is everywhere. Countless websites, including CNN.com, have turned to lists — sometimes in the form of galleries — to help tell stories in a digestible way and boost page views.”

Wallechinsky himself makes an even more astute observation. Leopold asks, “Why do you think the Internet is so full of lists?” Wallechinsky replies, “I think we live in an era of over-stimulation — too much information — so lists are a way of grasping that information. [….] It just makes it easier to sort out that overwhelming amount of information.” That was nine years ago! The “over-stimulation — too much information” he notes has only intensified.

Therein enters the “kryptonite” part of my relationship with lists, the “Can’t hit ‘em” part: I love lists, but I cannot compile one. Whatever items I’d put on any list depends largely on my mood at the time. After giving a presentation and opening the floor up for questions, for example, I’m often asked, essentially, to make a list. When folks see me hem-hawing on coming up with a list of this-and-that by so-and-so, they try to help me by asking, “What’s your favorite?” That makes it worse.

If y’all ever want to witness me evade a question like a seasoned, professional politician, ask me what my favorite this-or-that is. Seriously, I cannot even choose a favorite color. It’s either blue or green, but I’m not sure which. If one operates on the logic that whatever color one wears most often is that person’s favorite, then my favorite color would be either khaki or black.

I wear khaki trousers almost every day — when I’m not wearing denim — and I wear black socks with all shoes — except for athletic shoes, when I wear white ones. However, that has nothing to do with either khaki or black being my favorite color. A few years ago, I got tired of matching socks, so now I only buy black socks. Similarly, I grew fatigued with matching trousers, hence the khaki. It’s that simple. Most of my shirts, though, are blue or green.

And even a simple category like “What are your favorite movies?” I’ll likely respond with something like “Well, my favorites would include ‘A League of Their Own’ …” and rattle off a list of movies I watch most often. Even if the category were narrowed to my favorite movies starring my favorite actor — that’s Humphrey Bogart, one of my few solid favorites — I’d have trouble naming my absolute, all-time favorite of his movies. All I really know is that it’s not “Casablanca.” It’s probably “To Have and Have Not,” which I acknowledge is not the best movie he ever made — “Casablanca” is certainly a better film — but I love it.  What about “The Big Sleep” or “In a Lonely Place,” though?

How does one come up with a favorite in a field of favorites? Even with baseball movies alone? What about “The Pride of the Yankees” or “Field of Dreams” or “Moneyball” or “Major League” or “Mr. Baseball” or “Little Big League” or even the 1994 remake of “Angels in the Outfield?” All I know for sure is that it’s not “The Natural.”

Don’t even get me started on books and writers. That’s something to see, watching me trying to pick a favorite there.

David Murdock is an English instructor at Gadsden State Community College. He can be contacted at murdockcolumn@yahoo.com. The opinions reflected are his own.

This article originally appeared on The Gadsden Times: David Murdock looks at the topic of lists