Anyone who has struggled with a mental illness will tell you it is hard. So very hard. But when there is more than one voice inside your head, more than one force at work, an evil demon on each shoulder instead of just the one, then the game gets just a little harder to play.
There is no longer a single demon to contend with. They like to come in pairs, or even threes or fours. And then they fight. Fight with each other and fight with you. One will tell you to do one thing, the other will disagree.
“Do this … No wait, do that instead …”
You are pulled in so many different directions it makes your head spin. How do you know which to listen to? Which outcome is the worst? Can you satisfy all of them?
Anxiety wants to be surrounded by people, to feel loved and not lonely. Depression wants to be alone.
So now you’re stuck. Which do you choose? By agreeing to one demand, you risk aggravating the other. Your head spins, your mind is blank. So many thoughts racing around, but at the same time, you can’t think.
You glance up at the clock. 20 minutes have passed. You’re late now. Anxiety panics, wants you to start rushing round, getting ready, making up the lost time. Depression doesn’t care. You’re late now, so why bother going?
Constant. Inner. Battles. Every minute of every day. It can be hard to know which way to go.
But there’s always a way out of the darkness. There’s always a key to the locked room you find yourself trapped in. You just have to search deep within yourself, and you’ll find it.