A Deshaun Watson Accuser’s Open Letter: Cleveland Browns Deal a ‘Crushing Blow to Survivors Everywhere’

My name is Lauren Baxley. On March 11, I sat in a secure room with five other women who claimed that my abuser, Deshaun Watson, had also assaulted them. Some of these women had civil cases against him; some did not. For the women who did not have civil representation, any hope for a shred of justice or validation hung in the hours that ticked by. While our experiences may have varied somewhat in detail and severity, we shared the hope that he would be stopped—that somehow, he would not be enabled or emboldened to hurt even more women in the ways he hurt us.

That day, after spending eight hours with the company of my own anxious and pounding heart, and the collective trauma detailed in our police reports, I expected indictments. The prosecutors led me to believe that they needed a grand jury’s approval to indict Watson on the charges of indecent assault, which is a misdemeanor offense. That was not the case, and they let us down.

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More than that, the choice to not indict Watson on our testimonies—that were deemed “highly credible” by prosecutors and the detectives who worked our criminal cases—opened a floodgate of abuse, slander, and libel toward us on the internet. The worst of the women-haters came out, declaring the no-bills proof that we were “prostitutes” all along.

The day before the grand jury convened to hear our testimonial evidence, a person named Coby DuBose tweeted his speculation that we plaintiffs would be charged with “misdemeanor prostitution,” which would be “funny” for our lawyers. His purported evidence that we were sex workers was based on the fact that many of Watson’s victims work and reside in Houston. DuBose went so far as to claim that his vile lies were the “prevailing sentiment.” Drew Davenport, defense attorney and “Footballguys” staff member, responded to these tweets by saying “Excellent stuff.” When the prosecutors and grand jury failed us, tweets and comments of that nature multiplied exponentially.

As someone who has faithfully strived to maintain the highest level of professionalism, and as someone who—in my entire career—has never experienced the type of behavior that Watson displayed, comments like that are not only infuriating and untrue, they are wholly shifting the blame from a serial predator onto unwitting and unwilling women.

I have worked with dozens of professional athletes over my decade-plus career as a massage therapist, and no session before Watson ever turned sexual in nature. I have worked with dozens of television and film actors through comic conventions, and no man has ever exposed himself to me, nor assaulted me in any way prior to Watson.

The hate toward women has been on full display, and it is nauseating and dehumanizing. Yes, Watson is the perpetrator of these offenses. However, a thriving system enables him.

Conversely, I have also read the comments and outrage in support of me and the other women. Watson’s record $230 million contract, indeed that he is employed at all after his pattern of abuse, is yet another crushing blow to survivors everywhere. Testimony is evidence, and two dozen women have testified under some form of oath to his behavior and attacks.

Additionally, a failure to charge or convict a crime does not equate to innocence. Watson, his fans, and the Cleveland Browns pretending it does is not only ignorant, it is evil. I would include a certain NBA player along with the other disappointing excuses of men who in one breath may bring awareness to the struggles of marginalized Black women, and in the next praise the elevation of a man who abused dozens of them.

I would never expect a public figure to side with Watson’s victims. However, I do ask that anyone with a responsibility to uphold basic morality simply shut their mouths and log off Twitter when they are tempted to show him support.

I struggle with using the words “victim” or “survivor.” I hate being called a victim. Like all the other women Watson has hurt, there is so much more to me than what he did. I had a life before him. “Survivor” implies we will make it out alive. It is very difficult to believe my life has meaning when the Texas legal system, and multiple NFL franchises, say otherwise via their actions.

I wrestle with feeling it would be easier to not exist. Many survivors share these feelings, and some of Watson’s fans have expressed that they would like for us to be raped, imprisoned, or killed. Crimes against women are fetishized more than they are prosecuted.

I speak out today in an effort to create further dialogue surrounding sex crimes. I speak out to further highlight the failings of a legal system that does not have adequate safeguards or support for victims. I speak out to share my gratitude to the individuals who have expressed their dismay toward the institutions that uphold the men who actively and intentionally destroy the lives of women for the sake of their demented pleasure.

The owner of the Browns insisted they “got comfortable” meeting Deshaun Watson before awarding him with his record contract. I will admit, Deshaun Watson also ensured I felt comfortable before he trapped and assaulted me in a massage session he had promised beforehand was going to be “professional” and “non-sexual.” That’s what ambush predators do. They disguise themselves as something they are not.

If no one will insist that Deshaun Watson seek professional help for his addictions now, I fear that he will continue on this path of destruction for the rest of his life. The accounts of abuse and assault given under oath only scratch the surface of his brokenness. For the sake of women everywhere, I truly hope he finds a way to stop.

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